


Mercy of the Court

by FixOrRideDaily



Series: Until Proven Guilty [5]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Break Up, Bridal Shower, Canonical Character Death, Declarations Of Love, Drama, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Furniture Shopping, Future Fic, Love Triangle, Meaning Hannah and Beth, Moving, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy, Secret Relationship, Sex Shop, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tattoos, Trauma, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 71,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixOrRideDaily/pseuds/FixOrRideDaily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't just drop back into someone's life after three years and expect things to be the same...</p><p>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sam v. Josh

**Author's Note:**

> This is story is about Sam and Josh. I want to make that clear. This story isn't about Sam/Josh though there is an underlying theme of that. It is about Sam and Josh and how they relate to both each other and the other people around them (meaning mostly the other Until Dawn characters). That means sometimes a chapter is only about Sam or only about Josh and the other person does not show up at all.
> 
> This takes place in the same universe as Guilty as Charged and is a direct sequel. The chapters of this will be titled like court cases are: Blank v. Blank. Sam's name in the chapter title means her POV, Josh's name means his POV and both names means the chapter switches POV.
> 
> Not beta-read. I did my best, but all mistakes are mine.

It had to be him. There was little question to it. He was in much better shape though still solid, but with muscle rather than fat. His skin was darker from time spent in the sun and his hair was buzzed short, but it was him. Samantha Cohen had seen those far too unique green eyes too many times in her life to be mistaken about it now.

He hadn't noticed her yet distracted with gathering up equipment with a bunch of other guys and loading it into some large blue van. She could leave and he wouldn't be aware at all that she had been there watching him stunned by the appearance of him so randomly. Their lives would move forward without this awkward unexpected moment. Yet she stood there eyes following his every movement and motion. All the way up until the van was packed and the group of young guys was discussing their next move. Him standing as part of them nodding along with that half-smile of his. 

Her stomach felt sick and that's when she turned heel and booked it towards her parked car. She was sure she was about to loose the lunch she had just swallowed down. She leaned against her car and breathed in deeply a few times. When that didn't work she climbed into her car and put her head between her knees and counted to ten. Once she had done that a half dozen or so times she pulled out her phone and sent out two messages. One an email to her teacher apologetic for her missing her last class of the day and the other to Mike essentially inviting herself over that night. Just one more memory to push to the very back recesses of her mind she supposed as she drove away from him as fast as the speed limit would allow.

\---

“I saw Josh today,” she said once she was settled on Mike’s couch that night with Wolfie, the white wolf Mike had bonded with on Blackwood Pines mountain and subsequently adopted.

“Josh? Josh Washington, Josh?” Mike asked joining her on the couch and passing her a glass of wine. She nodded before taking a sip and scratching Wolfie's head. 

“Jesus Sam, did he say anything to you? Did he hurt you? If that motherfucker did something I swear-”

“Mike, calm down. It's fine. He didn’t even notice me.” She hoped Mike was oblivious to the little bit of disappointment tainting her words. He seemed to settle down at that taking a swig of his own drink. He breathed deeply for a second before shooing Wolfie onto the floor so he could move closer to her. The wolf didn't seem to mind too much, settling at their feet comfortably

“Well, I mean are you okay?” He asked after a moment. She reflected on it for a second then gave him a tight smile.

“Yeah, I'm just kind shell-shocked is all you know? It was unexpected. I haven't seen him since...”

“Since he went to prison?” Mike supplied. Sam stared up at the ceiling at that. It had been three maybe even four years ago at this point. 

Emily, Mike, Matt and Jess had gotten off easy. None of them had been required to show up to the legal proceeding as they had almost nothing to testify against Josh with. Both girls had opted out completely. Matt had shown up to show his support. For them or for Josh to this day Sam still wasn't entirely sure. Mike had come too and held her hand the whole time. Except when she had to take the stand. He kept his eyes on her no matter where the rest of the court's attention was and she felt stronger for that. 

The whole thing had been hardest on Chris and Ashley. While Sam grew closer to Josh after her best friend's "death,” initially he had just been Hannah and Beth’s cool older brother that she hung out with sometimes. Chris and Ashley were for lack of a better phrase truly Josh's friends. They were also his most central victims. Neither had wanted to testify at first. Sam found out later that they were only convinced after they found out that they would be charged for stabbing and hitting Josh with a 2x4 respectively if they didn't. Even still Chris was evasive the entire time he was in front of the jury and Ashley's tears dissolved into full on sobbing at the end of her testimony.

In the end Josh pleaded guilty on all accounts and got 18 months with the possibility of parole in the state penitentiary for assault, battery, and torture. He was also banned from contacting any of them until he was deemed fit for normal society. That was the last she had heard from him.

“Do you wanna stay here tonight?” Mike offered reaching out his three fingered hand and rubbing her shoulder, "You are more than welcome you know?"

“Are you going to try to make a move on me if I do?” She answered smirking into her glass. 

“Girl, you know I am,” he said leaning towards her.

“Well, I mean I can't say no to a cute face.”

“Oh so I'm cute am I?”

“I meant Wolfie. I hate leaving him here with just you.”

Mike responded by kissing her wine covered lips. She smiled against his mouth and pulled him closer. Worried as thoughts of a very different young man occupied her mind.

\---

Telling Mike had felt like the right thing to do. Telling her mothers had been the mistake.

“Can you believe that man is walking around free already after everything he did to our Samantha and her friends? Our legal system is broken, I'll tell you that much,” her mother Jane said as she dug into the pasta dish she had made all of them for dinner.

“How are you handling this, honey?” her mother Molly asked, “Did you call Dr. Johns? I think it's important that you do if you haven't yet. This could be very bad for your PTSD.”

“It really wasn't that big of a deal mom,” Sam assured her as her other mother carried on about how Bob Washington must have paid off the judge or the D.A. or somebody to make sure that Josh didn't get the time he deserved behind bars. 'Oh mom if only you knew the rocky relationship Josh and Bob had. Bob probably wasn't too happy himself that Josh was already out of prison.'

“I still think you should call Dr. Johns,” her mother Molly said, “You never know the effects these things can have on you.”

“Right mom, I will,” Sam promised her even though she had no intentions of doing that.

Thankfully her mother Molly switched her focus to reigning in her mother Jane's anger at the mention of Josh. Her mother Jane had never liked Josh much to begin with and after everything that had gone down in the last few years of their friendship Sam couldn't realistically keep defending him to her parents even though she desperately wanted to. Her current therapist, Dr. Johns, actually had the nerve to attribute her still unfaltering loyalty to Josh as some form of Stockholm syndrome. Ugh asshole.

While the man had helped her in many other regards Sam didn't like any of the things he or any of the other counselors her parents had made her see had to say about Josh. She had given most of them only the slightest of details about what their relationship consisted of before claiming up completely on the subject. They all had the exact same things to say about it too.

She would try to tell them that she thought she and Josh had been close. That he would tell her that no one understood him but her. She would tell them about how Josh only ever cried about Hannah and Beth in front of her and Chris, but then later he would only do it in front of her. She told them about how they had cleaned out the twins' rooms together and packed all the girls' things into the basement of the mansion. How they had gotten drunk together the night of the funeral and slept in Hannah's bed even though it had no sheets or blankets anymore. How Sam had told Josh that she thought maybe that she was in love with Hannah and he said that he thought he knew that. Then she would tell them that the two of them started having sex in July and their tones would change.

'So you two were sexually involved before the incident?' Yes, we were. And then they would ask her what their sex life was like. As if that didn't make her feel like some cheap prostitute or porn star that they were secretly getting off to. Then when she gave them the details they'd start to look intrigued or confused or disgusted or somehow all three of those things at once.

'What do you mean you'd let him control you? That you'd shut off your mind and just give yourself to him? That doesn't sound very healthy, Samantha.'

Then she would try to explain that she was always taking care of everybody, even him, especially him. That she just wanted to be taken care of sometimes, to not have to think or worry or make sure things were okay. That Josh gave that to her. That he'd just lay her down and worship every inch of her and she didn't have to do anything at all. He did everything and she just let him do whatever he wanted.

And they'd say it sounded like Josh treated her like a sex toy. That he brainwashed her into liking that. Because they were determined to paint him as some villain or sociopath that couldn't have possibly in any realm or reality have cared about her. She felt herself crying at the thought of what her therapist would say if she dared mention that she had not only seen Josh walking around during her day to day life, but she had actually watched him for a while and been sad when he didn't notice her back. Words like “obsessive” and “repeat abusers” floated through her mind.

“Excuse me,” she said, standing up from the table and heading straight for her bedroom. She thought she saw one or both of her mothers make a motion to stop her, but she just kept going and didn't look back. She locked herself in her room and turned on a CD she had of whale sounds. Then collapsing onto her bed and shutting off her light she cried over Josh Washington for the first time in years.

\---

This was weird. He tried not to do weird things anymore. 

Work, go home, maybe watch a movie, maybe play video games, maybe play guitar, eat, errands, sleep. That was his life. Following people around was something he had given up along with alcohol, pot smoking, graffiti art, joy riding and generally anything Josh had once found fun.

It wasn't stalking per say. He found out where she was going to school and went there. Twice and didn't talk to her either time. Seeing her walking away from the set had been surreal. Otherworldly even. He hadn't been able to get the sight of her out of his head. Hell, he wasn't actually sure it had even been her. It had put the thought of her in his head nonetheless however. So he was sitting at a table in this college library where he learned she worked watching her do uh stuff. She looked like she was just wandering around from spot to spot. Are there bookshelves here? Check. How about over here? Check.

She looked really cute in that uniform though. He shifted his eyes to the art on the wall above his head. Was that creepy? That was probably creepy. Though to be fair this whole endeavor was pretty creepy. Maybe he was just creepy. That couldn't be good. People generally didn't like creepy.

He brought his attention back to Sam at the perfect moment for her to spot him. She literally jumped at the sight of him. Creepiness confirmed. She stood there just staring at him from the bottom of a ladder she had climbed down from for what must have been hours. At least that's how it felt to Josh anyway. When it became clear she wasn't going to move either towards or away from him he stood and walked awkwardly over to her. Soon they were next to each other. Josh felt a little taken back. He remembered Sam a lot taller and stronger. She looked so tiny standing in front of him.

“You're here? Why?” There was a strange stilted way she said her words. Like she was unaware she was saying them.

“I saw you and I wanted to talk.” It wasn't a lie. Another thing that he had supposedly stopped doing. 

“Oh.”

The silence that followed was probably the loudest Josh had ever heard in his life.

“You wanna go get a coffee or something?” God, when did he become this lame. The old Josh would have invited her on a mysterious adventure, referenced a movie she had never heard of, did a funny over the top voice and waggled his brows comically. Of course the old Josh had also chased her around while she was almost naked and tried to knock her unconscious after filming her in the bathtub.

Sam was looking at him in complete disbelief and sputtered for something to say. She pointed an accusatory finger at him before stomping away from him a little bit in anger than stomping back as if she was going to say something then stomping away again and then back again. She threw her hands up in exhaustion and let out a loud sarcastic laugh looking around as if there was an audience. Then with a deep sigh she rubbed both her temples slowly and closed her eyes tight. Finally she answered him.

“Tea not coffee, very public place, we're taking separate cars and you are paying. I get off in forty.”

Josh couldn't stop his stupid grin, and did a silly little bow, “Whatever the lady wants.”

\---

He didn't like funky cold bubble teas or sitting out in the sun, but it was what Sam wanted and he wanted to hang out with Sam. He figured whatever new age place she picked would have prices that spun your head probably cause they made everything right there on the roof or some hippie junk like that. Once seated with their way too small for their price drinks the air around them felt less thick.

“You look so different,” Sam finally said after sipping her drink for awhile. Josh barely touched his.

“Yeah? You too. Though that could just be my shit memory.”

“Nah, must be age or experience. We all look different, I guess.” That sparked his interest. He had been so focused on seeing Sam again he hadn't even thought about the others. But of course she would know. Or might know. He licked his suddenly dry lips.

“So you still talk to everyone then? The whole Brady Bunch?” It didn't sound the least bit casual no matter how hard he forced it to.

“Not a lot,” Sam admitted slowly. 

“Oh. I see.” The disappointment sounded worse than the desperation had.

“I do still see Chris and Ash some of time. But Matt and Emily both moved out of town so I only see them when they come visit. And Jess is so hard to get a hold of since she's always so busy. Though she did send us a postcard from her charity group's trip to Brazil recently.”

“Us?”

“Me and Mike.” She looked away from him when she said his name.

“Oh. Are you and Mike..?” He couldn't finish the sentence. He felt something heavy and visceral forming. He suddenly felt very thirsty and pulled the top off his tea so he could chug a good portion of it. It was as nasty as he predicted it would be.

“We're something,” she answered. She looked more guilty with every word she spoke. “We have been for a little under a year now but neither of us are really sure what it is. I mean I guess we're dating. If you want to put it like that.”

“You and Mike Munroe huh? I never would have guessed that,” he said. 'I bet Hannah wouldn't have either.' He kept that thought to himself more out of respect for his dead sister than for Sam's sake.

“We got close after, you know, everything.” She sounded like she was trying to justify it. He wondered to which one of them. Josh was wrong. This silence was much louder than the last one.

“You know Sam,” he said leaning forward on the table, “It's okay with me that you have a new boyfriend. We haven't fucked in years.”

Sam let out a very loud annoyed sigh, but she was smiling, “Do you always have to be such a jerk?”

“Nope, I bring out special just for you,” he answered falling back in his chair.

“So what...what are you doing with yourself these days?” Sam asked trying to change subjects.

“Dad hooked me up with a job doing production work on movie sets for a small studio. Setting up lights, sound equipment, that kind of stuff.”

“Bet you're good at that.” There was some bitterness to her voice but she sounded genuine for the most part. There was a swell a pride in his chest at that. Which felt stupid, especially after what he had just learned about one Mr. Micheal Munroe. It must have shown on his face though because she was smiling at him in that gentle way of hers, where you could just barely see her top teeth and she was tilting her head down while her cheeks puffed up with glee. 

“And you, are still in school, just can't enough of the booklearning” he teased leaning forward again. He felt his foot hit hers under the table. She didn't pull away. 

“I took some time off to figure stuff out and now I'm getting my degree,” 

“In what?” he smirked his whole body shifting closer to hers at the table, “What field was able to finally catch your interest?”

“Outdoor Adventure and Environmental studies,” she said moving closer to him as well, “Keeps me outside and in nature. Plus I like being active.”

“Oh, I remember,” he said, “Gotta keep yourself in shape somehow I guess.” Did she just toe his foot?

“Are you complaining that I'm fit? Because that would definitely be a Josh Washington first.” Wait were they flirting? He pushed back on her foot with his own and she reciprocated in turn.

“Maybe I'm admiring.”

“See, that sounds like the Josh I remember,” Sam said. Her foot twisted around his ankle a little bit and he wondered if she was aware she was even doing it.

“You remember a lot of stuff about me then?” he asked not really sure what he wanted her to say.

“I remember a lot of awful things about you,” she said and it sounded bitter again and cold, until she added much more warmly “but I try not to forget all the best things about you either.”

Josh tried to not let that touch his heart but he couldn't help it. Sam always had a way a making things sound lovely and wonderful even when they were horrible. He also knew that he really shouldn't ask. Asking would be opening a can of worms and be going somewhere neither of them wanted to go and yet...

“Like what?” She pulled her foot back a little from his and he knew he messed up.

“Like how you could be quiet and dramatic at the same time, like how you seemed to see the world as a huge art show, how you liked to make sure everyone around you was enjoying themselves,” she said. 

'Like me,' he could hear her add even though she didn't say it. Or maybe he just wanted to believe she still thought about that. He did. Not regularly. Not often. But he did.

“Mostly stuff like that,” she finished then asked, “What do you remember about me?”

And he couldn't lie to her about that even if he wanted to, so he told her, “Pretty much everything.”

“We,” she paused, “We've been here awhile. I should get home and do my homework.”

“I suppose that's a good point.” Neither of them moved for a good solid minute. They just sat there staring at each others eyes. Daring the other to get up first, their feet still gently nudging each other. She broke first clearing her throat and standing. He leaned back before following suit. They both headed to her car unsure how exactly to say goodbye.

“Oh hey,” Sam said pulling out her phone, “Let's trade numbers so we can keep in touch. No need to wait three more years to talk right?”

“Uh yeah sure.” Josh pulled out his phone, but felt more than a little dumbfounded as he and her traded phones to give each other their new numbers. Then with little more than a smile and wave she hopped into her car and was gone.

\---

Josh hated his apartment. It was really small, really ugly and smelled faintly of cat piss no matter how much he cleaned though frankly Josh wasn't particularly good at cleaning.

It was however his and his alone. While Bob Washington had been willing to hook him up with a job and Melinda had been ready to welcome him back to the mansion with open arms Josh had taken the former and refused the latter. He still had dinner with his mother every week because he wasn't totally heartless but Josh didn't want to live in his parents' house anymore. As soon as he had been cleared for work and let out of the hospital the very first thing he had done was find his own place. He paid for it all with his own money too and man had that felt great.

Even though the place was basically a shithole.

It felt even better coming back to his place after spending time with Sam. Josh had considered contacting his friends after he was released from the hospital but first he had wanted to get his life under control. He wanted to show them that he had turned things around, that he was doing better. So he had started working and gotten himself an apartment of his own. After a year of being a stable productive member of society he had decided he would contact them.

He made an honest effort too. Well sort of. He learned which university Chris was attending and found out Ashley was going there too. He had shown up there intent on seeing both of his former closest friends and he had. It's just that they hadn't seen him. He had found them in some artsy gazebo together near the edge of campus in time to see Chris drop down on one knee and from what it looked like at Josh's vantage point anyway ask Ashley to marry him. He assumes she said yes if the throwing her arms around his neck and peppering his face with kisses was any indication.

Josh was happy for them. He really was. He also knew he couldn't interrupt this moment for them. So he left. He didn't go back and try again. He couldn't believe his best friend was getting married... without him. Josh was the reason Chris and Ashley were friends at all. Hell, he was the reason they were even together. 

Yet they were going to get married without him. That really stung. He didn't expect his friends to move on so completely from him like that. He didn't bother looking up any of the others. If Chris wasn't holding out hope for him then why would anybody else be?

He should have guessed that Sam would be different though. Of course she would. She had always understood him in a way nobody else did. He felt lighter as he ate his dinner and took his shower that night. He almost floated into his bed.

He was smiling as he stared at her number in his phone. He put her contact in as 'Sammy' because he had to. She was always his 'Sammy.' Even now. Even if she was with Mike. Even if they hadn't seen each other in years. Even if she denied it. That's who she was.

And he had missed her.


	2. Sam v. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Tea and now Dinner... this is getting weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was ready yesterday, but I didn't want to post the first two chapters together. I hope people like the way I portray Sam because I have a serious issue with her being kind of this perfect savior of Josh. She's a person with her own insecurities and problems. 
> 
> Still not beta-read so all mistakes are still mine.

She gave Josh her phone number. She could think about nothing else as she chewed on her tofu salad that night in front of the T.V. and a rerun of Law and Order droned on in the background. She played footsie with Josh under the table and then gave him her phone number. Were they in middle school, for Pete’s sake? After eventually admitting she was dating Mike too. What the hell was she doing flirting when she had a boyfriend? What the hell was she doing flirting with Josh for that matter?

She slammed her plate down on the coffee table and took to chewing her hair instead. She thought she had abandoned the nervous habit with age. It didn't taste better then her meal but it calmed her down a bit more. She picked up her phone and found herself checking her messages. The latest one was from Mike over 2 hours ago. It was flirty and she hadn't responded. Probably out of guilt.

She's not sure why she was expecting Josh to text her or what she even wanted him to say. A part of her thought she should block the number now and be done with it. She had survived three years without him, what could he possibly bring into her life after all that time? 

Yet that nagging, scratching, pulling feeling that had settled in the back of her mind since she first saw him again stopped her. She thought more often than she would like to admit she did about him. She hadn't seen a movie since he went to jail. The smell of marshmallows made her sick. Josh loved those nasty surgery cereals with marshmallows in them. She cuddled up under her blankets every night there was a storm, remembering how much lighting used to scare him. She never split a pole, walked under a ladder, or let a black cat into her path. Josh had drilled so many silly superstitions into her head. She was crying by the time her phone buzzed alerting her to a new message.

Josh: DTF?

That was it. She wondered if he sent it to her by mistake. He was always a good looking, funny and charismatic guy that was very open about his preferences about having no real preferences. It wasn't farfetched to imagine that he had a couple of friends with benefits or even a significant other or two in his life. 

Sam: Um what?

There was a significantly long pause before he responded. For awhile Sam thought maybe she had come off as weird or if he had texted her by mistake and was embarrassed. Just when she was about to call it quits and close the door forever on the 'Josh Washington is back in my life' section of her mind and heart she got another text.

Josh: Dinner Together as Friends? Jeez, what were you thinking?

Sam: Oh, that wasn't even clever!

Josh: You didn't answer me.

No she hadn't. She felt like a child the way she checked over the couch to make sure neither of her mothers were in sight. It was silly. Both of them had gone to bed already and it wasn't like they would be able to see who she was talking to or what she was saying. They always respected her privacy. She stared at his message a while and debated what to do. Her thumbs hovered over the keys a long time. She knew her answer already. She had known it the second he asked. But actually agreeing to it was different than thinking it. Her screen turned black she waited so long and she had to hit the home button to turn it back on. She took a deep breath as she got another message from him.

Josh: ???

Sam: Still vegan so I'm picking where we go.

\---

Meeting at the park had been her idea so she wasn't really sure why she felt so uneasy waiting for him. She got out early that day and normally she would be at Mike's. She told Mike she was meeting Chris though. When her mother Jane saw her trying on about a hundred different outfits. She told her that she was meeting Mike. She wasn't sure why it had taken her an hour to get dressed anyway, but she didn't want to over-analyze that part of her day more than she already had. She already didn't like the direction things were taking. She was lying to people so she could hang out with Josh free of suspicion. 

She hopped nervously on her feet and looked around for him. She half expected him to jump out from one of the trees in a stupid mask or run up to her wielding a rubber ax. Sorry not half expected, fully expected. She was on complete guard which is why when she saw him coming up to her on the trail far ahead of time she chose to jog over to him instead of waiting. She was taking no chances this time. 

“Hey, Sammy! Good to see ya.” She hated the way her heart swelled with warm joy at the familiar old nickname. No one other than the Washington siblings had ever called her by it. Now only Josh did. It was like her favorite sweater; worn out, musty and far too comfortable.

“You too Josh,” she said sitting on the nearest bench and motioning for him to join her. He plopped down hard next to her a large smile plastered across his face. He seemed different than the man she had tea with two days ago. More animated, more alive.

“So, where are you taking us out to?” he asked leaning back and stretching out his arms. One of them almost slung around her and she had the urge to lean into him like she would have once in another lifetime. It was still light out because the sun hadn't fully gone down yet. They were having an early dinner because again Sam was taking no chances when it came to Josh.

“Excuse me?” she asked leaning away and playfully glaring at him.

“You insisted on picking the place, and I paid last time,” he said gesturing his hand out, “Fair is fair.”

“Says the boy with the silver-spoon in his mouth,” she snorted. This was too normal, she noted. It shouldn't be this normal. This man tired to knock me unconscious while I was naked.

“Yeah, right.” He looked a little sad and a little relieved when she said that and the air felt suddenly tense around them. He wasn't looking at her, but rather passed her at something she didn't think she'd be able to see if she looked back there. Then he shook his head and stood up reaching his hand out to her when he did so adding, “How about I cover me and you cover you and we stick to that?”

She didn't want to take his hand. It felt like agreeing to something a lot more serious than just going dutch on dinner. She also felt like not taking it was rejecting him somehow and she wasn't comfortable with that either. She reached up and gripped his arm slightly above his wrist instead because that felt like it was middle ground, but really it was just awkward. He gripped her arm back and helped her stand up. They stood there for a moment before he motioned for her to lead the way. She nodded at him and then walked off towards their destination. 

This night was going to be something at least.

\---

Her reasoning for meeting at the park had been twofold. It was a very public place and therefore she and Josh would be in full view of a lot of people should anything happen (Mike knew that she had seen Josh so he would be sure bring it up if she went missing) and the restaurant they were going to was within a decent walking distance to it because she was not getting into a car with him but it wasn't environmentally friendly for them to keep driving to the same location in different cars. She also made sure they walked in step with each other and that Josh didn't get too far behind her at any time. She realized half way through the walk that she was putting a lot of caution into spending time with a man she had given her number to and then agreed to have dinner with. She tried not to focus on that part.

“I'm gonna be able to eat as this place right?” Josh moaned practically dragging his feet.

“The food isn't gonna be poisoned,” she reassured him trying not to giggle at his antics, “But if it makes you feel any better they also serve fish there. I can't speak for the quality of it though as I've never gotten it.”

“It's meat though right?” he asked as if this might be a trick of some sort, “Not like imitation or tofu with flavoring or something like that? It's like actually real meat?”

“Yes, Josh,” she said with a cold straight face, “It is actually the dead carcass of an animal that was going to have a full beautiful life but couldn't because it was bred and forced to live in captivity in a space far too small and then murdered viciously with no remorse before it got the chance.”

“Oh good,” he sighed, “Cause you know if it had frolicked and been all happy and shit I don't think I'd be able to enjoy it buttered, breaded and toasted up.”

She laughed. God help her, she laughed. Oh, she felt horrible about it, but she couldn't help it. She actually heard herself snort she laughed so hard. Everybody was always so sensitive when it came to her being vegan. They got annoyed with it whenever they went out to eat places because they had to make sure it was somewhere Sam could go, but they always made sure it was somewhere she could go. They all went on and on (to her face) about what a great life choice it was and how they wished they had her will power even after she told them she had been raised vegan, didn't actually like the taste of meat the few times she had tried it, and honestly didn't find her diet all that hard. Bless her sweet heart, Hannah had even given up meat entirely herself whenever Sam was around to make her feel better about it. But Josh took it to a level no one else did. She forgot how much she missed that.

When she calmed down she saw him smiling at her. She forgot how much she missed that too. They got to the restaurant, which was a funky little place that had colorful shapes all over the walls and large stylized windows. They played foreign rock music which she knew Josh would love and served strange flavored surgery sodas which she suspected Josh, with his sweet tooth, would love even more. They sat at a couple stools at a high table near the front because it was a order-at-the-counter and seat-yourself kinda place because Sam didn't like fancy stuff and looked at the singular menu on the table together.

“I thought this was a vegan place,” Josh said, his head predictably bobbing along to whatever beat played over the speakers. Josh was a bit of a music freak. She remembered that.

“I didn't say that. I said I was vegan so I was picking the place,” she teased, “It's Taiwanese. They make burgers and fries. More specifically fish burgers and tofu burgers cooked in peanut oil. Oh and sweet dough fries. They got all these crazy sodas and teas here too.”

“Whoa, this place was made for you and me, huh?” he asked gesturing between them and looking right into her eyes. Then he gave her a smile that made her cross her legs involuntarily because it reminded her of things that needed to stay as far back in the past as they could. 

“So, you want me to just get you anything?” she asked looking back down at the menu.

“Sounds fine by me,” he said, “You know what I like Sam.” She didn't miss the flirtatious lilt he put into that statement. She hopped down and went to the counter to order them food. She got them each a burger, (tofu for her, fish for Josh), a double order of the sweet dough fries because Josh was going to love them, herself a sweet tea and Josh an apple soda. Her phone rang while she was waiting for them to finish frying up their food. She was afraid it might be Mike again because her called her on the walk over, but when she pulled out her cell it was Chris' name and goofy face that flashed across the screen. She answered it after some debate, not really sure why.

“Chris?” she asked even though she knew it was him already. She glanced over at Josh who was really getting into the music so he didn't notice her.

“Hey, Sam,” Chris' voice said half distracted from the other end of the phone. She guessed he was on his computer. She thought she heard typing in the background. She usually hated when he called her while doing other things. She found it rude.

“Where are you?” he asked her sounding at least a little concerned.

“Why?” she asked as her order came up on the counter in front of her.

“Because I didn't know what to say to Mike when you didn't pick up your phone and he called me looking for you earlier.”

“Oh.”

“You wanna use me as an excuse next time could you at least text me and let me know so I'm not caught of guard when people call me asking about you?”

“Well, what did you tell him?” She was picking up their food and setting her phone between her head and shoulder to keep talking to him.

“That you were over at the snack stand and we were about to head into a movie so you had already shut your phone off. Figured that would buy us both some time.”

“Oh,” she sighed with relief, “Thank you so much, Chris.” She was trying to take the longest way possible walking back over to Josh. She doubled back a little on purpose.

“No problem,” he said. And then the question he wanted to ask hung between them. She could feel it even through the phone line. It sat heavy and cold and she could tell he didn't know if he should ask it, but Chris cared too much about his friends not to so she knew ultimately he would.

“Are you cheating on Mike?” he asked quickly as if afraid of the question or the answer or both.

“What? No!” she said. She couldn't avoid Josh forever, but she felt like she owed Chris an explanation, “Look Chris, I'm in the middle of something right now, but I promise when I am done I will call you back and tell you exactly what is going on, okay?”

Chris sighed, “Okay.”

“Thanks, bye,” she said. She hung up just as she got back to the table with her and Josh's dinner.

“Man I like this place, but the service here is terrible,” he was saying when she sat down, “Do you know how long I have been waiting for our food to show up?”

Something must have shown on her face when she looked at him because his smile fell when he looked at her and he leaned forward in concern. He put his hand on her shoulder and started to rub tiny circles slowly. Hannah did that too. Beth was a back patter. She didn't like how comfortable he was doing that.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “Just a long week and a lot on my mind.”

“Okay,” he said though he didn't look like he believed her as he leaned back in his chair then he picked up his burger an took a bite. Trying to change the topic he gestured to her phone on the table and asked the perfectly innocent question of “Who was that? Mike?”

She had taken a bite of her own burger, but couldn't bring herself to swallow. She couldn't tell Josh who she had really been on the phone with. She had no clue what effect that would have on him. She also didn't know if Chris wanted Josh to know where he was. She had been purposely vague about everyone else during their last meeting. So instead she nodded her head a few times while trying to force herself to swallow her food. That wasn't technically lying right?

Josh nodded back then looked around. He took a few more bites before asking, “Mike like this place?”

“You know, I haven't actually brought him here with me yet,” she said wondering herself why that was.

“Why not?” he asked his mouth full of food. She turned up her nose a bit and she saw him laugh to himself a little when she did and shake his head.

“He's more of a bar and grill guy or a fancy restaurant guy,” she said with a shrug, “I don't think this is really his kind of scene. He doesn't really like foreign food either. He's a more classic type.”

“Well, that's boring,” Josh snorted.

“Josh!” she scolded and wished she wasn't smiling when she did. He always judged her boyfriends.

“I thought Mike was more adventurous is all,” he tried.

“Nice apology,” she said sarcastically pulling a face at him.

“Thank you,” he said and she rolled her eyes at him. He got a little somber as he grabbed a couple of the sweet dough fries that hadn't been touched yet. He played with them in his fingers for a few moments watching them roll. Then he turned back to her and looked thoughtful.

“Life is short, trust me on that one, you gotta live a little while you can,” he said before plopping one fry into his mouth then going wide-eyed at how sweet it was and declaring, “This is amazing!”

Sam smiled and laughed giddily, happy she had ordered them two servings.

\---

“...so turns out everybody was screaming right? 'Where are the kids? Where are the kids?' Freaking out that nobody could find them,” Sam was telling Josh who was a laughing a little, “My supervisor runs into the room and sees me there sitting with them sucking down some sweet peaches and playing with the baby otters and she's like 'We have been looking everywhere for these two boys. Why didn't you tell anybody they were with you?' So I told her that the older one said their mother knew they were in here with me and the little one said she told him he could play with the otters.”

“Oh my god,” Josh was saying to her as they walked through the park together, “You believed them?”

“Well yeah, why would they lie to me?” She said shrugging her shoulders.

“Because they were twelve and eight, and you were a hottie with sweet peaches and baby otters.”

“Yeah okay, I guess in hindsight it seem pretty bad,” she sighed, blushing from Josh calling her a hottie.

“Hindsight?” he laughed, “Sam, you should have called 'bull' right away. What woman would let her kids hang out with some strange person at the zoo?”

“I'm not strange!” she defended, “I'm very trustworthy and I worked there. I wasn't just at the zoo for shits and giggles or anything.”

“Still, I mean really,” he squinted at her, “That's pretty bad.”

“Shut up,” she said bumping into his shoulder with her own, he nudged her back. She heard him sigh.

“I have an early day tomorrow,” he sounded bummed about it, “I should be getting home.”

“Oh well, where did you park?” she asked, “I'll walk you.”

“Nowhere, I took a cab.”

“Why?” Josh's family had no shortage of cars if he no longer had his own.

“I don't have a license anymore,” Josh answered looking very intensely at a nearby tree and not at her.

“Okay, so why didn't you have somebody drive you,” The Washingtons also had no shortage of drivers if the problem was that Josh had his license taken away. They were billionaires. Josh looked really uncomfortable for a second and then he took a very deep breath before facing her. 

“Sam, I'm gonna tell you something important and I want you to promise me not to make a big deal out of it okay?” Josh said very seriously.

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, yeah.”

He sighed again, “I don't live with my parents anymore.”

“What?” her eyes went wide.

“I moved out,” he explained, “Well I actually never moved back in.”

“Well then where are you living?” she asked panicked, worried, “Who's I mean who's-” she cut herself off from speaking there. She was going to ask 'Who's taking care of you?' but then she thought that would make Josh angry with her so she thought better of it.

“I got my own place,” Josh told her, “It sucks. It's small and it's in a bad neighborhood and it is really far from work so it costs a shitton to get there, but I make okay money so it balances out. It's close to my doctor though so that's good and utilities are included.”

“That's great,” she said because even though it didn't sound great she didn't know what else to say.

“Thanks,” he said nodding, “Anyway as thrilling as sharing stories about my terrible apartment life would be I do need to call myself a cab before it gets too late. So goodnight. Sam.”

“Night, Josh.” Sam didn't want him to call a cab. She didn't want him to drive home alone. She didn't want him to go home by himself to his bad apartment in a bad neighborhood. She wanted to offer him a ride so he'd feel like somebody cared when he went to sleep tonight. But he was already walking away.

\---

She was in her car outside her house when she called Chris back later that night. She texted Mike saying she was too tired to hang out and she would see him tomorrow on her free day. That wasn't a lie. The other stuff had been, but none of that was. She had wanted to offer Josh a ride home, but she had fought against it. It had been such a strange feeling though that she had walked around the park for two hours after she was sure he was gone to try and understand how she got gotten there after her paranoia earlier that night. Chris picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hello..?” he sounded like he had been asleep. Sam checked the time on her car's clock, then she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Chris must have been born old.

“Chris, it's Sam,” she told him conveying everything important in the shortest amount of time possible.

“Sam, hey.” He sounded wide awake now. Too awake it seemed for his bed-mate because she heard rustling blankets on the other end of the line and what sounded like a short conversation that ended with Chris saying, “Fine, I'll go into the living room. Sorry.”

“Ashley?” Sam asked a little devilishly. 

“Ashley,” he confirmed before launching into the reason she called, “So tell me, why all the secrecy from Mike? And I called your moms and they told me that you were with Mike tonight? What's up?”

“Chris it's...” and in that moment she needed so bad to talk to somebody about it and knew no one would understand it better than the man she was already speaking to, “It's Josh.”

“Josh..?” he sounded like something had just knocked all the air out of his body or like he was having an asthma attack. Either way she was worried he might actually suffocate there on the line. But once she started she couldn't stop and soon the words were pouring out of her.

“I saw him. I saw him while I was walking around and I stood there and watched him for awhile. I didn't say or do anything and neither did he but he was there and it didn't feel real. I felt sick. Then like two weeks later he shows up at my school. He was just there. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if he followed me or if he was stalking me or if it was destiny or what but he was there. Then he asks me to get coffee. Like that? Like nothing ever happened? Like we were old high school buddies who lost touch or something. I couldn't speak and I couldn't breath and I went. I don't know why but I did. And he was asking about all you guys and I didn't know what to say. Then we were leaving and I gave him my phone number and we went to dinner. That's where I was tonight. I went to dinner with Josh.”

“You...” Chris still seemed to be having trouble breathing, “went out to dinner tonight...with Josh.”

“Yes,” she said, “And that's why I couldn't tell Mike or my moms where I was. Because... because...”

“Because they'd think you were insane and they would do everything they could to stop you...”

“Yeah...” He was exactly right, which is why what he said next shouldn’t have surprised her, but it did.

“Do you think maybe I could see him sometime?”


	3. Josh v. Chris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things don't ever change... other things do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapters of this are coming out so close together because this whole thing was originally planned as a long one-shot and just kept getting longer and longer and longer so it became a multi-chapter piece. A lot of this is written already is the point. 
> 
> Josh is a complicated character to write, the only character I struggle with writing more is Ashley. He doesn't always do things that make sense and sometimes his motivations seem illogical. Josh is meant to be doing better in this story, but mentally ill people doing better does not mean 'cured' which means Josh will still struggle so keep that in mind while reading this.
> 
> I love writing the Chris and Josh bromance. Also I play Magic the Gathering and it seemed like a Chris and Josh type game. I tried to keep it simple for the purposes of the story though.
> 
> Mistakes are still mine cause still not beta-read.

“No,” Josh said crossing his arms behind his head and laying back on the grass. He hated the sun, but Sam only wanted to meet him in public places. Ever. He tried to think that he couldn't really fault her for that given their history, but he could and he did. He had been playing a joke. It wasn't like he actually tried to kill her or anything.

“He really wants to see you though, and I told him I would ask,” Sam said ripping off a piece of bread and tossing it in the lake for the ducks. Hanging out together had become a weekly thing for them but neither of their wallets could support eating out all the time which meant they had to find other things to do. Josh's counselor said fresh air was good for him and he knew Sam like animals so feeding the ducks together had seemed like a great idea. It wasn't. He was bored as shit and honestly Sam didn't look too thrilled either. That's probably why the conversation had turned to their nerdy blonde friend.

“Yeah?” he said sounding more sour then he meant to, “Why didn't he call up my parents and ask them for my number then if he misses me so damn much?”

“I didn't do that either,” Sam reminded him ripping her bread into even smaller chunks.

“You're different,” he told her. He was trying to see shapes in the clouds. But no matter how hard he tried he only saw sad ones like a headless dog or a coffin or a broken heart. He gave up on that and watched a couple of nearby kites in the air instead.

“I don't see how,” she responded tossing her bread bits towards the lake. 

'You weren't supposed to be my best friend,' he thought bitterly. He didn't think she'd get that though. Her best friend was dead. He's not sure if she understood the bond he and Chris had or were supposed to have anymore. Hannah was a different person now that she was dead. It was hard to remember all the things he had hated about her, and all the things that she did that left no impression at all. Only the good things remained and those things alone were not Hannah. Chris was alive. Josh could easily be mad at him and hate things about him.

“Could I at least give you his new number and you can think about it?” Sam asked when she ran out of bread pieces to throw. He didn't think that was a good idea. If he took Chris' number, he would contact Chris. He was sure of that. But Sam was smiling down at him and it looked like it meant a lot to her so he agreed. She pulled out her phone and took his gleefully to give him the contact information.

Josh texted Chris five minutes after he walked through his apartment door.

\---

If Sam didn't trust Josh enough then Chris trusted him too much. Because Chris had invited Josh over to his apartment where he lived to spend time with him catching up. Had texted Josh his home address and everything. The place where he lived and kept all of his belongings. Honestly as Josh stood in front of the door of Apt. 204, he had to wonder if he was being set-up as revenge. There was no way in heaven or hell Chris was still this comfortable with him. It was complete stupidity. He pressed the doorbell anyway because he didn't have much to lose in his life at this point.

“Be right there!” Josh had heard that voice probably a million times over the years. It had elicited many different emotions: joy, levity, kinship, even at times annoyance but never the petrifying fear that stabbed his heart and turned it into ice. There were footsteps coming towards the door, but he wasn't sure he was ready yet.

The door swung open to reveal of course Christopher Aarons. The two men stood there staring at one another for a long time. Josh almost wished this whole thing had been some kind of elaborate set up in that moment. It probably wouldn't have been as bad as standing in front of his best friend of the last fourteen years and not knowing what to do or what say to him. Josh felt his chest beginning to melt. He thought he might cry. It was the first time he'd been this close to Chris in years. He looked...he looked...

"Man bro, you got fat," Josh finally said. He was just starting to curse himself internally when Chris burst out laughing. He put his hands on his stomach which honestly wasn't actually all that much heavier than it had been when they were teenagers.

"Yeah well, there's not a lot of muscle action sitting behind a computer all day." Chris was smiling and moved aside to let Josh into his place.

"Then make some time for the gym you lazy motherfucker." Josh slowly made his way passed Chris and into the apartment wondering to himself why this all felt so natural. Waiting still for something to blow up in his face. He even jumped a little when Chris closed the door behind him. He was sure that this was where the reveal of something sinister would come into play.

“You want a drink or something?” Chris asked leading him into the living room, “Though I think we only have orange juice, beer and bottled iced coffee.”

“We?” Josh asked though he had a pretty good guess who Chris was referring to based on his past knowledge and the three small messily kept, stuffed to the brim bookshelves in the living room. Chris was already by the fridge in the kitchen which was separated from the living room by a small counter.

“Me and Ashley,” Chris said his ears turning red then quickly added, “So, you want like a beer?”

“Little early in the day right?” Josh asked pulling a stool around and sitting at the counter. Chris wasn't getting out of this that easily. He'd let it go for now though.

“So, orange juice good?” Chris asked. Josh nodded and Chris pulled it out and grabbed two glasses for them. He set them down in front of Josh and poured them each a drink before pulling up his own stool and sitting down across from Josh.

“I don't think I've ever seen you turn down a beer,” Chris said before drinking from his cup.

“I can't drink,” Josh answered, he opened his eyes wide and shook his head from side to side “Not with all the meds I'm on. Whooo!” Josh made the crazy sign next to his head and predictably Chris looked really concerned and even scared for a second. Josh laughed a little and then reached over to hit him a couple times in the arm.

“I'm totally screwing with you, dude,” Josh said even though he actually wasn't allowed to drink with his medications.

“Fuck you man, I was worried,” Chris said calming down, “Your medications are going good then?”

“Yeah, it's going really good,” Josh said nodding, “I have a lot fewer episodes and not as many of the bad days as I used to. I got my own place that I pay for with my own money, no help from Bob, and I have a full time job. My new therapist is a chill lady too. Kinda wish she was a little hotter, but you can't have everything right?”

“And things have been stable with you for some time?”

“Yeah, they pretty much have.”

“That's wonderful Josh,” Chris said with a huge smile of his face, “I'm happy to hear that. I'm really proud of you. That's not weird for me to say right?”

Josh shook his head. He never got to tell people that. He wasn't close with, well anyone, but maybe Sam these days. He barely spoke to the guys at his job though they did invite him out from time to time. He didn't do anything else social besides work either. Talking to his parents was still out of the question and he hadn't made friends with anybody new. He had kept to himself in prison and was put in solitary a lot due to his health issues. Group therapy hadn't worked for him either and he didn't like the people he met there. They were all either sickeningly optimistic or too much like him. Both types of people were bad for Josh so he avoided them. He wondered if Chris might have meant the things that he was saying. Josh had to remind himself that Chris probably did mean the things he was saying or he wouldn't have said them. He smiled, “Thanks, it means a lot to me.”

“So,” Chris asked awkwardly, “what are you doing for work these days?”

“Oh stuff it,” Josh said laughing while he did, “Don't fucking try to small talk with me. I've seen you puke blood, Chris. I've seen your pasty ass naked. You once wet my bed while we were sleeping in it. We are way passed small talk, my friend.”

“What the fuck are you on about?” Chris asked, but he was laughing.

“You don't give two shits what I do for work just like I don't two shits what you do for work.”

“Hey,” still laughing but even harder.

“I lug around big ass equipment and you sit at a desk with a computer. Done. New topic.” Josh had forgotten how much he liked to make people laugh. He had been doing it a lot lately with Sam and now he was doing it with Chris. It made him feel good about himself.

“Fine, smart-ass,” Chris was saying, “What do you want to talk about then?”

'Oh, bad move. You should know me better by now,' Josh thought leaning down on the counter and smiling up at Chris like the cat who got the canary. He looked to the left and then to the right. Then wiggled his eyebrows up and down a few times and said in a low quiet voice, “So, you and Ashley...”

“Yeah?” Chris asked in a 'well duh' tone of voice.

Josh answered by growling suggestively like an animal, baring his teeth, shaking his shoulders and making a clawing motion with his hands. Chris lit up red and leaned back with a loud annoyed sigh.

“Josh,” he groaned out rubbing his forehead.

“Bow chicka bow wow,” Josh sang dancing along as if it wasn't obvious already what he meant.

“Seriously?” Chris said, “I haven't seen you in three years and the first thing you wanna talk to me about is my sex life? You are unbelievable, you know that?”

“I'm unbelievable?” Josh retorted, “For like five years I had to put up with the two of you and your unbearable sexual tension and eye fucking. And now you think that I don't I deserve to know at least a little bit about your actual fucking.”

Chris sighed out heavily rubbing his hands over his face, he rested his elbows on the counter and with his head still in his hands he shook it. Josh knew he was trying to hide the fact that he was blushing (he could tell by his red ears) and also that he was laughing. All of this felt too normal and he kept waiting for the free air in the room to break. For someone to bust in and catch them and for him to get in trouble for hanging out with his best friend. He was waiting for Chris to suddenly realize it was Josh who was sitting across from him, freak out and throw him out of the apartment. Chris dropped his arms to the counter and buried his face there instead. Then he looked up with a smile.

“You haven't changed at all you know that?” Chris said and he looked happy about that. It was strange to hear because Josh felt very different from who he had been when he last saw Chris in a court room three years ago. He decided not to fight him on that point though.

“Does that mean you're gonna tell me about you taking Ash to the bone zone?” he asked instead.

Chris swatted towards Josh's head and missed. He doesn't think he'd have been too upset with him if he had hit him though.

\---

At some point they transitioned into Chris showing Josh the rest of the apartment, which Josh felt was a very adult thing to be doing. Even if there wasn't much else to it. A small bathroom at the end of the little hallway that he had entered from and two doors leading off from that same hall. The one closer to the bathroom was Chris and Ashley's shared bedroom. Josh flopped down on their bed as soon as he stepped inside.

“Uh excuse you?” Chris said from the doorway.

“I am making sure you have good taste in mattresses,” Josh declared, “Which thankfully you two do because this thing is comfy as shit.”

“You'd know a lot what sleeping on shit is like then?” Chris asked sitting at the desk on the left side of the room which had a sweet looking computer set up that could attach to a 50 inch flat screen and a surround sound system. Thought it clashed with their cutesy matching dressers on the right side of the room. Chris and Ash were a little gross like that.

“Dude, I've been to prison,” Josh said making a mock a serious face at Chris, “I've seen things.”

“What was that like?” Chris looked uncomfortable asking but that didn't stop him from saying it. Other than his therapist people didn't usually ask him about that time of his life. He also didn't tend to tell people he was an ex-convict either which could be part of that.

“I don't know,” Josh said, “Cold, dark, lonely, boring, the food was gross, the people were stupid or violent or both. I was in solitary a lot.” He didn't like thinking about it. The prison he had been in was for small offenders so most guys were just trying to bide their time and get out. Their were still fights, deaths, trading for goods, all the normal prison stuff you see in the movies, but Josh had tried to keep his head out of it. He made his parole and was released in 10 months.

Chris looked upset and guilty which is why Josh added in an almost angry voice, “Well, what did you expect me to say about it? It was fucking prison!”

“I don't know,” Chris said looking away, “I just thought I'd ask.”

Josh stood up rather quickly and walked out of the room with purpose.

“Let's uh let's do something else,” he said as Chris hurried to follow him. He stopped at the other door down the hall and gestured at it, “What's uh what's this?”

“Nothing,” Chris told him, looking awkward from Josh's not subtle change of subject, “It's just an empty room. We keep some of our old junk in there. I think it might have been a laundry room. It's a little too small for a bedroom or I'd rent it out. Besides Ashley doesn't really wanna share the apartment with anybody else. The idea of it makes her uncomfortable. Makes me uncomfortable too actually.”

“I can see that,” Josh agreed, opening the door and heading into the room “You wouldn't want some stranger in here checking out your sexy ass lady. Or your sexy ass either, Chris. That's my territory.”

“Thanks,” Chris said looking confused and following him, “I think.”

Chris had been right. The room was small, and the only thing in there was boxes. Boxes of old year books and old trophies. A bunch of stuff from Chris' old boy scout days and clothes and accessories he thinks would make Ashley freak out if she knew he found out she used to wear them (though he should have guessed she had a 'dark' phase). He found old computer parts that Chris was keeping for some reason or another and old half finished stories he figured Ashley didn't have the heart to throw away. Chris' guitar was in here and that made him a little sad because they used to play together when they were teenagers. It looked like it hadn't been touched in a long time. There was a box of Ashley's stuffed animals near the front that looked newer than the rest and he wondered how long she and Chris had argued about keeping them in their bedroom before she gave in and packed them away.

He felt tiny all of a sudden. Chris and Ashley had been his two closest friends in high school. That time was so important to him, yet for them here was all of high school packed away with the rest of their childhoods because they had grown up. They were adults and he could fit in any box in this room with no trouble. He wondered which box they had packed away 'Joshua Washington' into when he had been sent away. He wondered where they had kept him as they moved on and lived their lives and went out every day and came home and fucked each others' brains out.

“Josh?” Chris' voice brought him back to reality, or the closest thing to it Josh ever existed in anyway.

“Yeah?” Josh said. Chris motioned down to his hand with his head. Josh looked down to see he was squeezing one of Ashley's stuffed animals tightly in his grip. He dropped it back into the box. He crossed his arms and looked at Chris. He missed the days when he could get away with not explaining this kind of stuff to people. He couldn't do that anymore. He was always being watched.

“It just makes me kinda sad,” Josh said moving a few more things around in a different box, “Feels like our whole childhood is in this little room and that makes me sad and a little mad I guess.” He hoped Chris accepted that as an answer and didn't push for more.

“I know, right?” Chris said, “Growing up sucks.”

He sounded genuine and that made Josh feel better about it. Not good, but better. Then his hand hit a familiar looking cardboard box. He pulled it out curiously. It was kinda heavy. When Josh had it out of the bigger box and in his hands he understood why. He recognized the colorful designs and artistic renderings of fantasy creatures right away. He felt small again but for the complete opposite reason. He flipped open the top and found what he expected. Stacks and stacks of Magic the Gathering cards.

“You still have your Magic Cards?” Josh almost shouted in glee looking up at Chris. Chris ears were red again and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I know it's lame, but I couldn't get rid of them.”

“Dude it's not lame. It's awesome,” Josh insisted, “Dad sold all mine while I was gone.”

“That's so shitty,” Chris said in sympathy.

“We have to play,” Josh announced bounding out of the room and dragging Chris along with him.

“What?” Chris said though he let Josh pull him out to the living room.

“Come on,” Josh said, “This was our favorite game when we were like thirteen. We have to play.”

\---

This was how at twenty three and twenty four years old Chris and Josh ended up sitting on the living room floor playing a fantasy card game for the first time in almost six years.

“Dude, it's your turn,” Josh complained, leaning up against the couch. 

“I know it's my turn,” Chris assured him moving the cards around in his hand. Turning a few of the cards on the floor and then unturning them. 

“You always do this,” Josh whined, “You take forever to make your last move and then I win anyway.”

“Stop trying to psych me out,” Chris said kicking at Josh's closer leg and missing. Chris could shot a gun alright but had shit aim with his own four limbs.

“Why? Is it working?” Josh teased him. Chris was down to almost no life left and they had each won 2 games so far. This was the decider.

“Shut up and let me think, ass,” Chris said. Josh rolled his eyes. He actually had this in the bag already, but he had a good poker face so Chris might not know that. A few moments later Chris finally took his turn. He didn't seem too satisfied with it though. Josh looked down at his cards. Josh knew this strategy. Chris had to live at least one more turn to make it work, which he wouldn't.

“My turn?” Josh as innocently as he could manage.

“Yeah,” Chris sighed in defeat.

“Cool,” Josh said drawing his card and, “Burn, 3 points to you, then this card doubles it for 6 and you are dead unless you counter which Black doesn't do so you are dead. I win.”

“Fuck you,” Chris shouted throwing down his card hand as Josh did a victory dance, “Red is so cheap.”

“Don't blame me, dude. These are your cards that betrayed you,” Josh said as the two of them started scooping the cards up and sorting them back into the box. Then an alarm started going off and they both looked around for it until Josh realized it was coming from his own pocket. He pulled out his phone and his eyes widened.

“Whoa is it that late?” he asked, “I have to go. I have to eat dinner and take my meds.” He was legitimately surprised he had stayed at Chris' place as long as he had. He couldn't believe things had gone so well. He had expected a nightmare.

“Oh, alright,” Chris said finishing packing up the rest of the cards as Josh dialed up a taxi to let them know the address to pick him up at. Chris went back into the small room and put his card box away. Josh was hanging up when he reappeared.

“We should do this again,” Josh said truthfully.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed then he looked like he remembered something crucial, “Yo, before you take off, I've got something super important that I have to give you, okay? So, don't leave yet. I'll be right back.” Then Chris jogged down to his bedroom.

“Please don't give me your underwear as a token of your affection because I'm really fine without it,” Josh called to him. He heard Chris laughing as he opened the door and watched for his taxi. It showed up seconds after Chris jogged back down towards him. He had a fancy looking envelope in his hands. That's when Josh swore he felt his heart jump into his throat and stop beating completely. Chris wasn't really about to give him what he thought he was about to give him right?

“So look,” Chris was saying, “This uh this is for you.”

Josh took it from him trying to look honestly interested. He started to open it with what he hoped looked like curiosity and not absolute terror asking, “What is this?”

“It's an invitation,” Chris told him looking embarrassed, “To my wedding.”

Please God, let the smile on his face not look forced.

“Wow. You and Ash. Getting married,” Josh said, he knew that already. Had known for quite awhile.

“Hell yeah,” Chris said looking like a lovestruck fool, “I'm locking that lady down for life.”

“Congratulations man. You guys are perfect together,” Josh said. He meant that last part at least.

“Thanks,” Chris said smiling widely, “Sorry I didn't say something earlier. I didn't want to force it into the conversation and I didn't know you'd be leaving so suddenly.”

“It's fine,” No, it really wasn't. This couldn't get any worse.

“And actually,” Chris was starting to say, “I know it might seem a little forward...”

Oh no. Apparently it could. There was no way Chris was about ask this of him right? That would just be absurd. That wouldn't make any sense. Maybe he had set his med timer wrong.

“But you're my best friend Josh. Still after all these years. Hell, Ash and I might not even be together if it wasn't for you always playing matchmaker with us. So it would really mean a lot to me if you were there and it would mean even more to me if you would consider-”

“Chris,” Josh interrupted, “This is uh this is really wonderful. I'm super happy for you and Ashley. And I'm gonna think about coming to your wedding. But I really gotta go. The cab's waiting and I have to get home and take my nightly medication.”

“Oh, ah okay,” Chris said a little put off, “Bye then. I guess.”

“Bye,” Josh said and he almost ran out of the apartment and towards the street below. He needed to go and he needed to go now. This had been a huge mistake. This whole thing had. Meeting up with Sam and now Chris. He shouldn't be here. He had no place in their lives. He had forfeited his place in their lives. He wanted to be back in his shithole. He liked his shithole. Sam and Chris weren't at his shithole.

Josh took a look at the invitation once he was in the cab and riding home. It was forest green with stars all over it. Ashley loved the stars and green was Chris' favorite color. The blue font was Garamond, which he only knew because both his former close friends knew far too much about font types. It was late summer and they were getting married in the early winter. The invitation said 'The Wedding of Chris Aarons and Ashley McKinley' and not 'Christopher Aarons.' The picture of them was cute, they were looking at each other not the camera with their foreheads pressed together and their hands held tight with interlocking fingers. He saw the address at the bottom and wished he had asked Chris if they were getting married in a Catholic church or a synagogue, Ashley's father would expect the former and Chris' grandmother would demand the latter. He wanted to know which hard-ass won that argument.

Josh got back home, paid his driver and dragged himself through the front door still looking at the invitation. He threw some kind of five minute meal from the freezer into the microwave and swallowed down his pills with tap water. He thought about throwing the glittery small piece of paper in the kitchen trashcan. He thought about ripping it in half too. Then he used one of the only two magnets he owned to stick it to his fridge. He set the date in his phone calender and a reminder to himself to ask his boss tomorrow for that day off.

He was going to be the best man at a wedding after all.


	4. Sam v. Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was destiny... maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is sexual content in this chapter. Fair warning there it is. I will change the story rating, but the warning has been given anyway. 
> 
> Also flashback chapter. Mike and Sam get together. I low-key ship this. Sam is my multi-ship character of Until Dawn. I ship her with many people and although Daring Duo is not my favorite Sam ship, I find it more interesting then a lot of other ships involving Sam.
> 
> Also yay for Matt, Jess and Emily showing up so they can be added as characters.

Sam always went back and forth on whether or not she believed in destiny. She had believed meeting Hannah in seventh grade had been destiny up until she had gone missing. Then she wondered if that might have been destiny too when it led her into the arms of Hannah's brother Josh. And when Josh went to prison causing any relationship they had to end and subsequently Mike's relationship with Jess ended she wondered if everything that had happened to her since meeting Hannah in seventh grade was meant to be bringing her and Mike closer together.

But she figured that would just be stupid.

She and Mike got close despite the fact that he started attending Duke University the fall after Jess broke up with him. They skyped at least once a week and often more than that. He called her every night before she went to sleep and since his hardcore party days were far behind him after everything that had happened he came home for every holiday break. He spent much of these breaks with Sam. They went rock climbing together which really helped the dexterity in his injured hand. They went hiking together. They went swimming together. They took morning jogs together. Mike was the only other person in their little group that ever wanted to be as active as she did. Even more so than Matt.

They talked a lot more to each other than they did the others. They had all kept in touch and stayed close. Even when Matt also transferred to a school out of state and Emily got an internship up in San Francisco. What they had all been through had bonded them for life and they knew it. Distance couldn't change that. Mike didn't talk with the others the way he did Sam either. She could just tell. He talked about different things with Sam. He talked about different monsters. He talked about his parents and his older sister. He talked about living with the high standards of his household and how lonely he was all the time because he felt like his family never listened to him. He told her that what he had feared most of all, more than the wendigo or the “maniac” or anything else that night was dying up there on that mountain alone. But he didn't have to because Sam had been with him, she had come for him.

She thinks that's when she fell for him even if neither of them said it.

\---

If destiny is real then Sam thinks it can be a little bit tricky and a little bit mischievous. She and Jess were in a small store right by their flight gate buying snacks and magazines waiting for their plane to start boarding. The trip out to North Carolina was going to be long, but they were all flying out to see Mike graduate since he graduated a full semester before most of the others and they could all attend. They were gonna lose hours because of the time change, but he was worth it. Jess had elbowed her and rolled her eyes as she pointed to something near the cash register.

“Who buys condoms at the airport?” Jess said with a little giggle. Sam laughed and then snatched up a small packet to Jess' confusion. Sam winked and made a 'shh' gesture. She was playing a little joke.

She and Jess paid for their purchases and headed back to meet their friends. Chris and Emily were in a heated discussion about something that she didn't want to intrude on, Matt was nowhere to be seen and Ashley was by herself with a book open. After setting their stuff down Sam held up the tiny box of prophylactics, shook it in front of Jess, winked and then tossed it into Ashley's lap.

Ashley was startled into jumping up. She dropped her book on her seat and searched around in a panic. Sam and Jess were giggling like school girls when she picked up the offending item and glared at them.

“Really?” Ashley asked in her best disappointed mother voice.

“We thought you and Chris might wanna join the mile high club,” Sam said trying to look innocent.

“It's a long flight,” Jess added still giggling behind her hands.

“Thanks,” Ashley said not sounding at all like she meant it as she dropped the condoms back into Sam's lap and sat back down with her book, “but no thanks. That will not be happening. And even it if was going to happen, which again it isn't, I'm on birth control anyway.”

“Pff,” Jess said though she was smiling, “You are no fun.”

“That's not true,” Ashley argued, “I'm just hygienic.”

“Are you saying that I'm not?” Jess asked.

Ashley rolled her eyes and Jess shoved the redhead's shoulder with her own. Soon the two girls were playfully arguing over whether or not it was nasty to have sex in an airplane bathroom as Matt returned from wherever he had been. He looked confused at the direction the conversation had taken and turned to Sam for clarification. She shrugged, laughing a little as she threw the little box in her backpack and proceeded to forget about them.

For the most part anyway.

\---

Mike graduated Magnum Cum Laude with special cords from his honors program, and his father insisted on taking them all out for dinner with the family (though his older sister hadn't made it to the ceremony). As broke people in their early twenties they appreciated the invite and weren't in a place to turn it down. But they had to figure out who was riding with Mike and who was riding with his parents.

“Oh, hey dad,” Mike said as they headed for the parking lot, “We have to make sure that wherever we go serves vegan food because Sam doesn't eat anything that comes from animals.”

“Really?” his father said then asked her, “Nothing at all?”

“Nope,” she answered. Though she felt a little embarrassed that Mike had brought it up. She could have gotten herself something at the hotel later.

“Alright then we were gonna go to a Hibachi and sushi place,” Mike's father said, “Does that work for you, young lady?”

“Yes, that will be fine actually,” she said. She could see where Mike got his charm. His father was very handsome and he was a real gentleman too. She looked up at Mike who had a tight smile on his face and nodded as they kept walking towards the cars.

“What's wrong?” she asked him quietly, hanging back from his parents.

He looked around at everybody before answering, “It's just weird. Hibachi and Sushi is Japanese food. Was pretty sure dad knew I don't really eat foreign food. It's usually too spiced for me.”

“Oh, I'm sure he just thought it would be a fun place to take you and your friends,” she said.

“Yeah, that was probably it,” he agreed and grabbed her hand in gratitude.

When they got to Mike's car and his parents' car Sam was surprised when Mike handed his keys over to Chris and said the two of them would ride with his family and the others could follow in his car. She didn't argue, but she also didn't like the look his mother gave her and then his father when he did that. He hoped Mike's mom and dad knew they were only friends. Close friends, yes, but friends. Then she and Mike got in his parent's car and everybody else piled into Mike's car.

“You sure it's okay to let that young man drive your car, son?” his father was saying as they were leaving the parking lot, “I paid good money for it and I don't need the insurance going up either.”

“Don't worry, sir,” Sam said before Mike answered, “Chris drives like an old man half the time. He'll be super careful with it I'm sure. Mike wouldn't have given him the keys if he wasn't going to be.”

“I like your new girlfriend,” his mother said once they were on the road, “She's charming and smart.”

“She's not my girlfriend, mom,” Mike said as if he had said it a lot already.

“Yes Donna, they're 'just friends' remember?” Mike's father said complete with air quotes. 

“Oh right,” his mother said, “Sorry, dear.”

Mike rolled his eyes and mouthed, 'Sorry,' to her. She was far more concerned with the little flutter being called Mike's girlfriend had started putting in her heart and the butterflies it filled her stomach with recently and when all that had started. Far, far more concerned.

\---

They got to the restaurant first, but Ashley assured her when she called the others that they knew where they were going and they were on their way. Sam and Mike's family decided to get them all a table. There were nine of them so they needed a big one. They told the hostess the name was Munroe and they were waiting for five other guests before they were seated. Mike's parents sat on the very end of one side and Mike sat next to them. It would have been weird for Sam to sit anywhere else but next to Mike. So she did. They had each ordered drinks when everybody else arrived.

“So sorry Donna, Tom,” Emily said before she and Jess sat on the other far end, she knew the Munroes well enough to call them by their first names apparently, “Mike's car was low on gas. We had to stop.”

“Nonsense,” Mike's mom said, “You are just on time. We've only ordered drinks.”

Ashley must have forgotten Mike's parents were there because as she, Chris and Matt took their seats between Jess and Sam she declared, “Nose goes is DD” before quickly touching her finger to her nose. Matt, Jess and Chris all responded by putting their fingers on their noses too. 

“Em, you have to do it,” Jess whined.

“No, I don't. It's childish,” Emily said rolling her eyes. 

“Fine, then you're DD,” Jess decided.

“Better than looking like a sixteen year old.”

Sam turned her attention to Mike to make sure he wasn't too embarrassed by the display. To her surprise his father was laughing and nudging him. Mike didn't seem to like that much though. She found herself gripping his hand under the table. They did that a lot these days. It didn't usually make her face go hot though.

“Ah to be young and excited about drinking again,” his father said, “That's something you are sure gonna miss when you're my age kid. Better get all that fun in now.”

“I'll try, dad,” Mike said with another tight smile. Then he released Sam's hand and picked up his menu.

They did have steak so Mike got excited about that. Sam only ordered white rice with sauce and cooked vegetables and some vegan-friendly sushi though the cooking show was fun to watch especially when the guy tried to flip food into everybody's mouth. She, Mike and Matt all did it on the first try with no problem. Chris got it stuck behind his glasses which freaked Ashley out so much she wouldn't even try it. Emily refused because 'what was the point if she didn't get the sake shot afterward' and it took Jess and Mike's parents each two tries. Mike cheered her on as the guy pour sake into her mouth. Which she heard Matt and Ashley laughing about over his whistling. It had been a fun dinner.

“We better get the kids back to their hotel, dear,” Mike mom said as they were finishing off their desserts and the last of their drinks, “They have a plane to catch tomorrow.”

“You're probably right,” his father agreed, “Your hotel isn't far is it?”

“Nope,” Matt said and then cleared his throat, “Hey Mike, I've got two beds in my room. Since you're driving home with your parents tomorrow do you wanna crash with me tonight? Hang out some?”

Sam and Mike both looked over to see the subtle nodding all their friends were giving him. They all had the same impish glint in their eyes too. That's when she understood that her friends had made a pit stop on their way to the restaurant alright but it wasn't because Mike's car was low on gas. They needn't be this sneaky about it though. She had a feeling Mike's father would more than approve of him doing a little bit of partying with them tonight.

“Sure. Sounds like a fun time,” Mike said elbowing Sam playfully and then he looked at his parents, “You guys don't mind right?”

“Of course not,” his father said loudly, “You're an adult. Go have fun with your friends.”

\---

This was how the seven of them ended up in Matt's hotel room drunk off the most expensive bottles of champagne Ashley, Chris, Jess, Matt, and Emily had been able to afford that night.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Chris said standing up, “Shhh, shut up. I have something to say.”

Jess and Emily were lying on one of the two beds together giggling and occasionally spitting their alcohol at one another. Their feet were bumping into each other as they swung their legs in the air. Matt and Ashley were sitting on the other bed. Ashley was bouncing on it while excitably talking with Matt and kept almost falling off and then Matt would catch her and laugh. Chris had been sitting there too, but now he standing by the T.V. trying to get everyone's attention. Mike was sitting in the room's only easy chair and Sam was sitting on the chair's arm sliding into Mike's lap. They all had their shoes kicked off, their jackets flung away and their hair undone. Sam wondered when they had all become so comfortable with one another. She supposed almost dying together will do that to a group of people.

“So,” Chris started once he had their attention, “I've known Micheal Munroe now for something like eight years, maybe nine, maybe seven, I don't know, long time. He's intelligent. He's driven. He's a good speaker. He's passionate. He's kissed half the people in this room. And really if you are one of the people that hasn't kissed him yet you really should because speaking from experience he's good at it-”

“Chris!” Mike interrupted, “We do not talk about 'spin the bottle July 2012.'”

“Right,” Chris continued, “Point is the man is a leader. A great leader who will one day take our great nation into...uh into...even greaterness..? Mike Munroe for President!” Then Chris downed his drink.

“Mike Munroe for President!” They all, save Mike and Sam, chanted back to him before downing their own drinks even though it really made no sense. Then Chris refilled everybody's champagne glasses before collapsing back on the bed with Matt and Ashley, who laughed giddily at the bouncing motion that made. Sam turned to Mike and smiled down at him. She held her glass up to his.

“To the future President of the United States, evidently,” she said to him. Mike gently knocked his glass with hers in a toast and bowed his head.

“Thanks,” he said and they both finished off their drinks, “Don't tell my parents though. I don't need them getting their hopes up and telling me which laws to pass and their opinions on China, and helping to start your first-lady charities early.”

“Your parents are lovely, Mike,” Sam assured him, “I think they mean well.”

“Yeah, well, it'd be nice if they just let me figure shit out for myself once and awhile,” he said. She didn't know what to say to that. But he wasn't done, “Like with you and me. They don't need to hound me about what you and I are doing. We're doing whatever the hell we feel like doing. I mean maybe we're friends. Maybe we're in love. Maybe we're both. Whatever which way it is, it's what we're doing. Not what they what us to be doing.”

She shouldn't have been all that surprised. Mike didn't hide his feeling from her. Sam didn't know how she should have responded to the notion that she and Mike might have been in love with one another. But probably not the way she did.

“I'm gonna go get some ice in case Ash ends up falling off of the bed and hurts herself,” She announced to him. Then she stood up and after standing there for a few seconds blinking down at him she turned around and left the room slowly in a dazed drunken march.

She hadn't even made it passed the doors to hers and Chris and Ashley's conjoining rooms across the way when she heard Mike calling out her name. She stopped right there in the middle of the hall and faced him. He didn't say anything at first. He just stood there rubbing his hands together and looking at her. She didn't say anything either. The idea had always been there, hanging between them, but for some reason neither of them had ever brought it up. That might have been because he had dated both Emily and Jessica already. It might have been because he was there when Josh's love for her was confessed in front of a whole courtroom. It might have been because he was going to school on the opposite side of the country. It might have been because she still blamed them both for Hannah's death. The reason didn't seem to matter. It was a line they didn't cross. They thought about crossing it but they didn't dare do it. Now in a moment of anger he had. And he couldn't take that back.

“I haven't dated anyone since Jess and I broke up,” he finally said.

“Okay.” She didn't know what meaning she was supposed to glean from that alone.

“And I think you know why that is, Sam,” he continued.

She thought she did too. She hated herself a little bit because all she could think about in that moment was the heat she felt when they held hands at dinner and the butterflies in her stomach when his mom called her his girlfriend. She thought about how she called him at two am or five am when she had nightmares too bad to sleep. She thought about the two of them eating berries on her favorite hiking trail and trying to throw them into each others' mouths. She thought about his tight smiles and his deep soulful eyes and his trembling voice when he was trying so hard not to cry. 

And then she was kissing him. Her fingers were in his hair and her body was pressed against his and she was kissing him. His hands fell to her waist and he pulled her to him and he moaned deeply and screw Chris for being right because Mike was so very good at this. She pulled away.

“Let's go somewhere private,” she said to him. He nodded and maybe he muttered, 'Okay,' but she isn't sure because she pulled him towards her room then and searched her pockets for her room key-card. She could feel the force of him right behind her. She could feel his aura, his breath, his heartbeat, his very being. Where was her fucking key-card?

She nearly slammed the door open when she finally found it. She turned the light on and threw the card to the floor. Then she was pressed against the wall and she and Mike were kissing again. She was gripping his shoulders and his hands were back on her waist. She felt his tongue sliding along her lips begging for entrance and she opened for him. He tasted like champagne, and mint, and something distinctly him that she couldn't place. He was moaning again and it sounded so deep and masculine and Sam never considered herself to be the kind of girl who was attracted to that type of guy, but something about Mike made it different. 

She started pulling at his shirt and he backed off quickly and yanked it over his head so fast she missed him doing it. Then he dove down and began kissing and biting her neck. His one leg pressed up hard in between hers and she started to rut against it. She could feel his erection pressed to her leg and that just made her want to move harder and faster. Soon his hands were sliding up under her shirt and they were so coarse and rough. She wasn't used to that. She felt like he was scratching up her skin and that turned her on. He ran his nails harshly up her back and she gasped out. 

“I like it rough,” she whispered as she felt his hands slide forward and grasp her breasts firmly. He was massaging them hard while flicking her nipples and she began to understand how he got the reputation as a sex machine in high school. Her bra was undone already. She had no idea how he managed that.

“Oh god,” She moaned out loudly releasing him so she could grab the hem of her shirt and pull it and her bra off. They hadn't even hit the floor before her fingers were burying themselves in Mike's hair again. Mike's mouth was working it's way lower. He was peppering kisses onto her collarbone.

“Oh, please,” she begged as he got closer to her breasts. Then he let go of one so he could wrap his lips around it and suck. He sucked one breast while he massaged the other nibbling down on her nipple pulling and teasing her. He switched sides a few times and she knew with how hard he was biting and sucking she would have large hickeys there. It felt far too good for her to care though. She was moving hard against his leg and she even felt herself come once with a loud deep moan. He backed off her then, leaning up to kiss her a few times.

“Listen, Sam,” he said, his voice harsh and raspy and sexy, “I haven't done this since...”

She nodded. Her breathing was heavy and hot.

“So, I don't carry protection on me anymore,” he told her, “And I don't want to stop but-”

“I have condoms!” she exclaimed remembering her joke at the airport. He gave her a fiendish look pulling back a little before leaning forward to kiss her neck again.

“Were you planning this?” he breathed into her skin.

“Maybe,” she answered coyly grabbing his hand and leading him towards her bed. Once there she kissed him long and slow. She stepped back and reached down to remove her dress pants and underwear. Fully naked in front of him she turned and strutted to the other side of the room where her backpack was to fetch protection. When she turned back around Mike was naked himself and lying in her bed. He motioned for her to join. She made sure to give him a good show as she headed over. 

She pulled the little packet out, undid it and then she grabbed his penis which made him hiss out a long high breath. She stroked him a little before rolling the condom onto him as slowly and sensually as she could manage. She straddled him and Mike ran his hands up her legs and bit his bottom lip.

“Oh fuck,” he let out, “I must the luckiest man alive if a beautiful woman like you wants me.”

She responded by giving him a smirk and impaling herself on his dick. They both cried out in pleasure when she did. He was certainly the biggest Sam had ever had that was for sure. She didn't take too long to adjust though and soon she was riding him hard and fast. She leaned forward and gripped his shoulders panting out heavily as she did, “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. Fuck me, Mike!”

“Yeah,” he panted back his own hips moving up to meet hers in a wonderful rolling motion, his hands gripping her butt tightly, “You like that, Sam? You like feeling me inside you? Does it feel good?”

“Oh, it's so good,” she screamed, rocking herself forward feeling like she couldn't get enough of him inside of her. He filled her up, but she still needed him deeper somehow, “I love it. It feels amazing.”

“Looks pretty amazing too,” he told her, “You look fucking sexy riding me like a beast.”

She doesn't know why but that put her over the edge and soon she was coming. Squeezing tightly around Mike and crying out his name while her fingers dug into his shoulders. She was grinding herself fast against him feeling like every sense in her was tuned onto him. She just needed more of him. She kissed him hard as her bliss spread throughout her body biting his lip and sliding her tongue along his. She whined and moaned into his mouth riding out her climax. His hands rubbed soothing sexy motions from her legs to her butt to her back and into her hair. She pulled away with a breathy sigh as she finished, sure she had never come so hard in her life. Then he was coming with manly pants and grunts and it made the hairs on her body stand on edge with excitement and electricity. When his hips slowed to a stop she fell next to him in exhaustion. The two of them tried with some difficultly to catch their breath, sweat pouring down their bodies, smiles stretched wide across their faces.

Mike threw the used condom away in the trashcan before rolling back into bed with Sam. He smiled at her and slung his arm around her and pulled her close. Then the two of them kicked down the blankets and did their best to crawl underneath without having to move too much. Sam settled herself on Mike's chest as things started to cool down. She dotted his chest with kisses because it felt so right to do that and he kissed the top of her head in response. They were both really tired, but Sam felt like there was one important thing that had to be established before they fell asleep.

“So,” she asked him though she was looking towards the window at the night sky, “Are we together? Am I your girlfriend? And you're my boyfriend?”

“I think we've been together for awhile,” he answered, “but yeah we can start calling each other that.”

“Your parents will be so happy,” she teased. Mike groaned as he reached up to turn off the light.

“Goodnight, Sam.”

“Night, Mike.”

\---

The thing about conjoined rooms is that they are only separated by a door connecting both rooms. If you don't lock this door then it's just a door which can be opened like any door. No key is required. That is why Sam and Mike's cuddling and kissing session the next morning was interrupted by Ashley.

“Sam?” her voice called as she walked in, “You up yet? We wanna get breakfast before our flight.”

Both Sam and Mike sat up straight in bed covering themselves and meeting eyes with her standing in the doorway. Ashley gasped a little with her hands over her mouth. Clearly embarrassed she probably would have left them alone if Chris hadn't come up behind her in the doorway as well.

“Sam coming?” he asked before looking passed his fiance and into the room himself then added with wide eyes and a smirk, “Oh, I guess she already did.”

The rest of their friends knew about it before they even got to breakfast.


	5. Josh v. The Washingtons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have your best interests at heart even if it doesn't always seem that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last quick update maybe. 
> 
> This is how I see Josh's parents. I tried not to make them awful to him. Not sure I succeeded. It was a little hard because again things here are in his POV.
> 
> Also Josh and Sam are interacting again.

Josh had dinner with his mother once every week, or he tried to at least depending on his work schedule. He worked really weird hours. Sometimes if he was really lucky, (or really unlucky depending on your perspective on things) his father would also join them. These dinners were usually on Sunday nights, they tended to be quiet affairs and were always at the Washington mansion. He wasn't entirely sure why his parents still lived there after everything that had happened. He knew they sold the mountain top property though for nowhere near the value they had bought it for.

It was actually a Tuesday the night of this particular family dinner and it was one of the lucky or unlucky nights depending on your perspective.

“How's work?” his mother asked though she didn't look up from her plate.

“Fine,” both he and his father mumbled out at the same time. He hated when they did that. It reminded him how similar their voices were. Josh's father looked up at him and Josh smiled tensely back.

“Oh, right,” he said. It wasn't uncommon for his father to forgot when Josh was there because again these dinners tended to be quiet. They all went back to their meals. He had a feeling his parents shared a few looks of silent conversation that married couples had mastered across the table while he wasn't looking though because he heard his father clear his throat loudly after a minute.

“So, Josh,” Bob Washington asked forcefully, “What's new in your life?”

“A few things here,” Josh answered hoping it would suffice, “and a few things there. Some stuff in between too I guess.”

This time he didn't miss the look of exasperation his father gave to his mother and the look of warning she shot back at him in return.

“Why don't you tell us a little about them?” his father tried again.

“I think I finally got the smell of cat piss out my bedroom,” Josh said, “Now if I could get it out of the rest of the apartment I'll be golden.”

His mother sighed heavily when he said that, she hated where Josh lived. Though he couldn't possibly see how as neither of his parents had ever been there. He decided that they imagined it to be a lot worse than it actually was. That was an accomplishment too, because again Josh lived in a shithole.

“Anything else, son?” his father asked with a heavy voice. Josh rolled his eyes. He suspected his father and his mother had had a long talk about Bob trying harder to reconnect with Josh. His dad must really be trying too. 

The man had called him son and everything. Maybe he might actually start looking at Josh with something other than disdain soon. Maybe he might even stop checking his accounts every week to make sure Josh hadn't stolen from him. Maybe his father might be able to stand in the same room as him more than once every two months. The thought just made him feel all warm and fucking fuzzy and jolly as fat ass old Saint Nick. He felt like telling his mom that this was a lost cause partially because he didn't have much interest in rekindling a relationship with dear old dad himself.

“I had to get another filling cause I don't brush my teeth enough,” Josh told his father. This time his mother turned her gaze on him instead. Let it never be said that Joshua Washington didn't love the women in his life because when she gave him that sad, begging gaze that reminded him so much of his little sisters he felt his heart strings tug. He gave her a gentle sigh and a small smile. He understood. He and his dad were all the family she had left and she just wanted them to not hate each other, to get along at least a little bit. But he didn't know what to say to his dad these days. He didn't how to talk to this man anymore. That's probably why the only topic of conversation that came to his mind when he finally did turn back to his father and speak to him was:

“Did you hear that Chris and Ash are getting married?” he asked slowly and loudly in order to catch his father's attention. From the way both of his parents dropped their silverware with a clatter and stared up at him with terrified eyes he had a feeling that he had said something wrong. There was a long silence.

“Christopher Aarons?” his mother finally asked looking like a bird that you could easily chase off in the park with only the slightest of sounds.

“Yeah,” Josh answered, “He and Ashley McKinley? They were like my best friends in High School?”

“We know who they are Josh,” his father was talking through his teeth. That meant he was pissed and might start yelling soon. He never yelled at Hannah or Beth. Only at Josh and only at the worst times.

“Well,” Josh said. Yeah, he had definitely said some wrong, “They're getting married. In November.”

“We um we know that honey,” his mother informed him placing her hand on her husband's shoulder.

“What? How?” Josh asked looking between his parents, confused. 

“How do you know about this?” his father asked him pointing an accusatory finger at him. His face was starting to turn red.

“I want to know how you knew first!” Josh demanded, “Why you didn't tell me if you did?”

“Josh, we are your parents,” his father was saying, “You are in no place to make demands of us!”

“Bob, be quiet! We talked about this,” Melinda said giving him a stern look before turning her attention back to her son, then much sweeter, “Honey, we know because Christopher and Ashley invited the family to the ceremony. We got the letter awhile back.”

Josh couldn't believe what he was hearing, “The family? As in our family? As in all three of us?”

“Yes,” his mother confirmed though she didn't look him in the eyes when she did, “It was addressed to Bob, Melinda, and Josh Washington with a return RSVP letter for three guests.”

“And you didn't think this was something that I deserved to know about?” Josh asked, now he was the one who was getting angry, “Chris has been my best friend since I was nine years old.” His father made a rude snorting sound at that and Josh stood up from the table.

“Thanks for dinner,” he muttered and began to stomp out of the room. His mother stood up from her place to follow him. His father did not.

“Josh, wait,” she said.

“Let him go, Linda,” Bob told her.

“Honey,” his mother continued, “I didn't want you to get your hopes up. We've known Christopher for a very long time and I'm sure they were just inviting us all to be polite. Seeing him again just would have hurt you, I promise.”

“Yeah,” Josh said turning to face his parents, “Well, I think you're wrong. No, I know you're wrong.”

“Here we go,” his father said, “And how is that Josh?”

“Because I hung out with Chris the other day,” Josh told them, “That's how I knew about the wedding. Chris told me about it. And not only did he invite me, he asked me to be his best man.” 

“Really?” his mother seemed astonished.

“Well, no he didn't. I cut him off before he could,” Josh admitted, “But he was going to. And when he asks me again I'm going to say yes because they're my friends and I'm really looking forward to it.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” his father yelled at him, “Do you want to spend the rest of your life in prison?”

“The court order is over,” Josh yelled back, “And my friends want me back in their lives. That is great. I have an idea dad, how about you try being happy for me for once? Let's see how that works out.”

“Your friends huh?” his father was standing up and making his way towards Josh, “You mean the ones that killed your sisters? The ones that made you go crazy? And put you behind bars? Those friends?”

“None of that was their fault,” Josh said then a horrible idea entered his mind. He looked between his parents again before asking, “How many of them have called or come here looking for me?”

From the look his parents exchanged he got his answer, more than just Chris at least.

“You're better off without them,” his father said with a finality Josh didn't like.

“I have to go,” Josh said, “I have to go now.” Then Josh walked out of his parents' house. He didn't check if either of them followed this time. He went for the front door and walked out onto the deck and kept going. He didn't stop to call a cab even as he made his way down the long driveway and out the front gate. He looked both ways down the sidewalk, picked a direction and kept walking. It was a comfortable night and he knew these street well from so many nights sneaking in and out, mostly with Chris and sometimes with Mike, once even with Jess and Emily. 

He wondered out of the seven of them who had tried to reach him. He knew Chris for sure and if he tried then probably so did Ash. They were his closest friends that meant they were a given. Jess always liked him, they had a fun back and forth banter and she'd let him do body shots off of her at parties so maybe she did too. Matt had been good to him during the court case, he had been the first to forgive Josh and had even come talk to him after the first day of the trial to make sure he was holding it together okay. He was generally a nice guy. He must have tried at least once. He wondered if Sam had ever tried to find him.

He didn't know what to do with this information. He couldn't fully process it. His head felt light and heavy at the same time. He had thought they all gave up on him. He had thought that they hated him. He had thought they forgot about him. He had thought...

He had thought a lot of things that didn't really make sense anymore.

\---

Josh hadn't called Sam at midnight since the year his sisters went missing and when he did it was only for three reasons. He was sad, he was horny, or he was both. He figured at this point he couldn't expect her to come running to his side for the second two, but maybe things were okay enough between them that she would for the first. She didn't pick up. He called her a second time and she did.

“Josh?” she sounded like she had been asleep, and she probably had been, “Somebody better be dead.”

“Do my sisters still count?” he was crying, but couldn't stop it, “Cause I don't know where I am.”

“What do you mean you don't know where you are?” she sounded more awake, and very concerned.

“I was walking and I got turned around somewhere and the GPS on my phone is bugging out. So I'm lost somewhere, but I'm not sure where.”

“Well, where were you when you started walking and how long have you been walking for?” She sounded really desperate, but she was calm. She sounded like she might be getting dressed too.

“I was at my parents place,” he told her, “and I've been walking about three hours.”

“Three hours,” Sam said, and he definitely heard her locking a door, “Josh why on earth are you walking around outside at night for three hours?”

“Oh, you know,” he said looking around and found a bench to sit on, “Fresh air and all that.”

“Which way did you go when you left your parents?” she was asking.

“Right,” because Chris lived left and he couldn't go that way. His parents would find him there. Wait, no he didn't. Chris had moved. He was very confused.

“Okay,” car door opening and slamming shut, “I'm putting you on speaker now.” Engine starting. “Josh are you still there?” her voice was further away now. “Tell me what's around you, okay? I'm gonna stay on the phone with you and try to find you.”

Josh looked around, “There's a seven eleven and a big billboard with an alligator and a surfboard on it.” Somehow he didn't think that was going to help her much, but it looked like there was only generic office buildings everywhere else. He thought he saw a dentist office which made him mess with his new filling. He didn't think Sam would be able to pick that out in the dark though.

“Alright, don't move and stay on the line,” She told him, “I'm on my way.”

\---

It took her forty-five minutes to find him and their entire conversation had consisted of Sam naming the streets she passed and asking if he recognized them. He answered, “I don't know, sounds familiar” to pretty much all of them. He picked out her car right away but made no move towards it. He had no idea what she planned to do once she got to him. He was happy she came though.

She parked and rolled down her window. Josh stared at her for a few seconds unsure what she was waiting for him to do. They each looked left and right a couple times before Sam finally spoke.

“Josh, get in.”

“Oh,” he said standing up and walking around her car so he could get in the passenger side. He almost expected her to lock it and drive off before he could open the door. But she didn't and soon he was buckling himself into the seat. She rolled her window back up to keep out the cold and then they were driving down the road.

“Put your address into the GPS for me, okay,” she said turning the little device on.

“Sure thing,” he said doing that. It laid out a path for them and then they were riding in silence.

“You gonna ask me what happened?” Josh asked after they had traveled for awhile.

“Will you actually tell me if I do?” she asked in return, “Or will you feed me bullshit?”

He sighed curling up a little in his seat. He felt like he may have deserved that. He cleared his throat, “I got into a fight with my parents.”

“Oh sorry,” Sam said and she sounded sincere about that, “Over what?”

“They've been keeping some stuff from me,” he said, “I stormed out and I didn't know what to do and I'm pretty sure I missed my nightly meds.”

“Josh,” she scolded, “That can't be good.”

“It's one dose,” he moaned, “I won't die.” 'Though I do feel a little confused and dizzy,' he added to himself in his own head.

“Is that why you got lost tonight?” she said. The streets were starting to look familiar again.

“I don't know. Maybe. Probably.”

“Does this happen a lot?”

“It happens.” He wasn't sure what else to say about it. Josh was really good when it came to his medication these days, but nobody was perfect. He was only human. Sometimes he messed up and that was never good. He saw his building not too far up ahead and leaned forward to point it out to Sam.

“That's my building there,” he said, “That's where I live.” 

She pulled into the little parking lot. He smiled at her as he got out. To his surprise she followed him, locking her car. She walked with him all the way up to his apartment in fact. She kept her hand behind his back as they walked up the stairs as if he might tumble down them any second. He thought maybe he should question her about it. He didn't though. Sam always worried too much about other people. They reached his door and he showed her his keys so she knew he had them before going in. Still she went with him inside. She took off her coat and kicked off her shoes and looked around his tiny place.

“Quite the downgrade eh?” she said leaning on his futon. She was in her pajamas. Baggy purple shorts and a white t-shirt that had blue and pink polka dots.

“It's not so bad,” he said hanging up his own coat, “Just smelly and small and things are always breaking in it and it's in a shit neighborhood, but once you get passed all that it's pretty great.”

“Sounds it,” she said, “Should you take your meds now that we're here?”

“Oh no, that will just throw me off of my schedule,” Josh said, “Better to start fresh tomorrow, er uh you know later today.”

“Okay, so you got spare blankets right?” she asked clapping her hands together.

“What?” he asked looking at her somehow enthused demeanor at two in the morning.

“Josh, you were wandering around the city in the middle of the night by yourself and got lost,” she explained, “I'm not leaving you alone.”

“You're gonna sleep here?” he asked, pointing at her and then the floor of his apartment.

“That's the plan, man,” she told him walking passed him and opening the only closet in the room, “So blankets. In here maybe?”

“Uh no,” he said pointing passed his kitchen, “Bedroom closet.”

“Can I go in there?” she asked looking that way.

“Uh sure,” he answered. Then she walked away and he heard her rummaging through his room before he added, “Just grab a pillow from my bed. I have a lot.” His brain was still trying to catch up. In one night Sam had gone from too scared of him to meet him anywhere that wasn't in full view of the public eye at all times to letting him ride in her car and spending the night in his apartment. He went to check his medication bottle to make sure he had only missed one dose.

“I'll say. You have like twenty pillows in here,” he heard her shout back, “Why so many?”

“Because pillows are amazing,” he said, “They should make beds out of them instead of springs.”

“Yeah right,” she said coming out of his room with arms full of bedding, “I don't think that's actually how that works.”

“You're just mad I thought of it first.”

“No, I'm tired and I am going back to bed,” she told him dropping her armful on his futon before pulling it out into a bed and messily making it. He headed into his own room then because no matter how cute she was watching her any longer probably would have been weird.

He was going to need all the sleep he could get too with Sam only one room away in her cute purple and polka dot pajamas.

\---

Sam was still asleep when he went to take a shower the next morning. That meant he had to be quiet as he made his way to the bathroom, which he never had to do before because he either lived alone or in a huge mansion where everyone had plenty of space to themselves. He didn't usually take morning showers but he felt dizzy and off and gross.

The gross feeling came from the fact that he had cranked one out that morning. He had woken up feeling weird and remembered Sam was sleeping in his apartment which reminded him of all the dreams he had the night before about her. Were they still considered fantasies if they were things that the two of them had actually done together?

He loved the way the hot water felt on his skin and he knew his bank account wouldn't appreciate the amount of time he spent in there. It was hard to care about stuff like that when he felt so warm and soothed and could actually start to forget about what his parents had done. He got out from under the spray just as the water was fading to cold, which had never been an issue at his parents place and heard Sam mulling around out in the kitchen. He pulled his robe on and headed out.

Sam was looking through his cabinets when he walked out, but turned around quickly when she heard him come out of the bathroom. She rushed passed him and inside closing the door saying, “Thank god, I have to pee so bad right now.”

Josh smiled as he went to get dressed. She could be really cute. When he wandered back out she had returned to his cabinets and she was pulling things out all over the place. She shifted things around and kept making loud sighing noise and groans.

“What are you doing?” he asked her sitting at his table.

“First of all how do you find anything in here? Second do you know what half of the appliances in here even do?” she asked gesturing to his messy cabinets which were stuffed then she dropped an pop-tarts' box on the table in front of his dramatically, “And finally do you have actual edible food here at all or just all this processed junk?”

“Well first,” Josh said pointing hard onto the table, “I have eyes that can see so I can usually find what I'm looking for. I do know what all these appliances do because contrary to your lack of faith in me I can cook I just don't have the time to. And no there are no non-processed foods here. It always goes bad before I can eat it.”

“I'm microwaving the frozen vegetables in your freezer for us to eat then.”

He must have made a face at her because Sam sighed. Then she checked her phone for the time before she grabbed his medication bottle off of the counter and passed it to him. She filled a glass with water from his sink and put it on the table next to him.

“Please take these for me.”

“Okay, fine,” he said before swallowing down his pills, “It's better with food though.”

Sam went over to the fridge. He assumed to get them 'breakfast.' She noticed the only decoration on it. Well, decoration was a stretch. It was his invitation to Chris and Ash's wedding.

“Oh,” she said pointing to it, “I didn't know they invited you to the wedding.”

“Yeah, Chris gave it to me the other day,” he told her feeling like a sore spot shaped like his mom and dad was being pressed on his chest.

“That went well then?” she asked pulling the bag from his freezer and popping it in the microwave.

“It was fine,” he said then amended, “Better than fine actually. It was kinda great.”

“I'm happy to hear that,” she said searching in his cabinets for his bowls. Josh felt a stone drop into his stomach as he watched her. He had found out that his parents had been keeping things from him last night. He wanted to know so bad if she had reached out.

“Did you ever try to contact me after I was released?” he asked her feeling his mouth go dry. But that might have been from taking his pills.

“No..?” she answered pulling the bowls down and turning to look at him, “You know that.”

He did already know that. She had told him as much. He's not sure why he had dared to hope differently after finding out his parents had been keeping his friends' messages from him. He also wasn't sure what knowing that would change between them. It felt like something had shifted here, at least for him. He wished he could figure out what that was.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I didn't know what to say to you.”

That was the only explanation she gave him then the microwave went off and she was piling their meal into two bowls and looking for the silverware. She placed one in front of him and the other in front of herself. They sprinkled their food with salt and pepper and butter and then ate. They ate in silence for a long while. Then he saw her look back over to the fridge for a moment before smiling over at him.

“I really hope that means that you're coming,” she said indicating the invitation again, “I think it's gonna be a fun time.”

“Oh definitely, I wouldn't miss it for anything. It was only like ten years in the making,” he responded which made her laugh and snort and cough and choke a little on her food. God help him, he hated that he could never stay mad at this woman.


	6. Josh and Sam v. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Sam run some errands together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. This Chapter was pretty much done though so here it is.
> 
> Things were kinda heavy last time so I wanted Josh and Sam to have some fun. Apparently this is what that translates to for me. A tad sitcomy but I tried to avoid it somewhat.
> 
> Also you were warned about the prominence of Chris and Ashley and their relationship in this.

Josh needed a new table.

He actually needed one too because when he had come home from work one day and leaned on his kitchen table two of the legs actually snapped off and the whole thing had fallen apart. He was lying on the floor looking up at his ceiling. His first thought was, 'Am I dead?' because who expects a table to fall to pieces beneath them, but he figured Hell would be a lot hotter and he was most definitely going to Hell. His second thought was 'Do I have the money for a new table right now?' He figured it didn't really matter if he did because he needed one. So, he texted Sam still lying on his kitchen floor.

That was how Josh and Sam ended up in a furniture store together.

“So,” Sam said looking around, “We need to find the kitchen sets?”

“I don't need a whole set,” Josh told her, “I just need the table. I have chairs.”

“Josh, this is a blessing in disguise,” she said pulling him off towards kitchen stuff, “You can get real furniture for your place and not hand-me-down garbage.”

“I have real furniture.”

“One of your two kitchen chairs is a lawn chair and the other in a desk chair that has no wheels.”

“Yeah, and they're real.”

“It looks ridiculous,” she told him stopping because she had found the table and chair sets.

“It's recycling, you should be all about that.”

“Josh!”

“Fine, whatever you say, madame!” He threw up his hands in defeat. They were combing through the different kinds of kitchen set combinations. Sam was looking at the different designs and Josh was looking at the different prices. Eventually she got him to stop worrying so much about that and pay more attention to which ones he actually liked. That may have ended up being a mistake on her part.

“Oh let's get the glass table,” he said pointing it out, “It looks all classy and you can spy and see what all your company is really doing down there. No more secret ball scratching.”

“Is that something people do often around you?” she asked him.

“Sam,” Josh explained to her slowly, putting an arm around her like a wise old sage, “if you can't see someone's hands and they have a penis then they are scratching their balls.”

“Ew, gross,” she said shrugging off his arm and walking away.

“It's the truth,” he said to her back.

“Anyway,” she said changing the subject, “Considering you broke your last table by leaning on it too much. I say we skip the glass one so you don't end up in the ER next time, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed, then ran up to one decorated with big antlers, “Oh what about this one? It's manly.”

“Yeah,” she said excitedly and then, “And when you eat off of it you can be reminded of all the poor defenseless creatures that had to die in order for you to have your meal.”

“You're not gonna let me get this table are you?” he asked picking up on her tone.

“This gaudy four hundred dollar shrine to death?” she asked, “No, I'm not going to let you get this.”

“Well, fine,” he huffed, “which set do you like?”

Sam smiled and pranced over to a little round wooden table that had four soft padded chair. It was dark brown and the whole thing was a little short. The chairs looked comfortable and the table had a design craved into it of leaves and apples. It was a nice homey little piece of furniture without being too cute. The legs looked sturdy too which was the most important thing. The whole thing was only about two hundred and fifty dollars which was within his budget.

“I think this one would be best,” she said showing it off to him with flair.

“I guess it's alright,” he admitted. It was nice and she seemed proud of it.

“Oh you love it,” she said in a very self-satisfied way, “I can tell by your face. You should get it.”

“Alright then,” he said flagging over an employee not wanting to admit the look on his face had to do with her and not the table, “I'll trust you on this one, Sammy.”

Sam was looking pretty smug but that was cut short by her phone going off. She was answering it as the employee reached him and Josh told the older woman that he wanted this model type kitchen set. She went to fetch it for him from the back storage room. By the time that was all done Sam was off the phone and her smug look had been replaced but an anxious and worried one.

“What's wrong?” Josh asked her, “Something happen?”

“No,” she said waving her hand, “That was just Nat. Do you remember Natasha?”

“Who?” He knew a couple of girls named Natasha for a couple of different reasons and had a hard time pinning down which one of them would also know Sam.

“Natasha McKinley?” she tried again.

“Ash's sister?” He had forgotten about Nat. He couldn't figure out what she and Sam could have to talk about. But he barely knew the woman. She was almost in college when he met Ashley and was in college during the majority of their friendship. The two looked nothing alike either besides their red hair. 

“Yeah,” Sam said, “She's getting out of work late on Saturday and wanted to ask me to pick up all the desserts for Ash's shower since the bakery closes at four.”

“And you look so stressed out because of your petrifying fear of baked treats!” Josh gasped out.

Sam rolled her eyes, “No, I have no problem picking up the desserts. It's just...” she looked guilty all of a sudden, “I kinda forgot about the shower this weekend and I haven't exactly gotten her a gift yet.”

“Oh, is that all?” Josh said, “We'll go now. I mean we're out shopping anyway right?”

“Are you sure that's alright?” she looked even more worried now.

“Yeah,” Josh assured her, “You ran an errand with me so now I'll run one with you. Fair is fair right?”

“What about the table?” she asked.

“What about it?” Josh asked, “It's not like it's gonna die or get lonely or something while we shop.”

“It's not awkward for you or anything right?” She could be a little too considerate sometimes. It'd be annoying if it wasn't so cute.

“Awkward? No, way!” Josh said then added, “Haven't you heard that I'm going to be Chris' best man?” He had to stop telling people that. Chris hadn't tried to ask him again even though they had met for coffee twice and had been talking back and forth over text since they hung out with each other a few weeks ago. He wasn't even sure he'd agree if and when Chris did ask him.

“Oh wow! That's wonderful, Josh. I'm happy for you,” she said and she looked delighted for him, “So I guess we'll go once we're done here,” she agreed and gave him a smile that made it worth agreeing.

“I think there's a flee market nearby open today,” Sam continued after a moment, “That should work.”

“Uh, what are you talking about?” Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Ashley loves kitschy stuff like that,” Sam told him looking confused.

“We're not going there,” Josh informed her.

“You got something against flea markets?” Sam asked. Josh stepped towards her and gripped her shoulders. He looked her straight in the eyes and spoke very slowly to her. He tried to ignore the fact that if he wanted to he could easily kiss her right now and that no matter how close he got Sam never made a move to step away.

“Sam, this is Ashley's bridal shower, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam answered in the same slow tone.

“Then I think I know exactly where we need to go to get her a gift.”

\---

That's how Josh and Sam ended up in a sex shop together.

Well standing outside of one anyway. Because she wasn't going in there with Josh. Sam wasn't afraid of sex. Quite the opposite in fact. She was very comfortable with her sexuality and she felt more women should be that way. She didn't think sex was anything that people should be ashamed of. She also knew that the man beside her had no class and no respect for privacy and she was not about to allow him to make any jokes at her expense regarding the details he knew about her and this topic.

Josh held his hand out to the store when they arrived eyes wide and eyebrows up as if he had come up with the greatest idea in the history of ideas. It wasn't even one of those places that was dark and shady. It was one of those places that had a large neon punny sign and displayed lewd stuff in the windows. She should have known this was what he thought a good bridal shower gift was.

“You want me to buy Ash a sex toy? For her and Chris?” she asked, sure she was making a face at him.

“Not necessarily,” Josh answered, “They have loads of other stuff in there.”

“Yeah, okay I'm going to the flea market,” Sam said and went to leave. She felt Josh pull her back hard. He pulled her to face him again and gave her that begging stare of his with his oh so unique green eyes. She crossed her arms in defiance, but waited for him to speak.

“Wait wait wait. Just listen to me,” he started, “They are gonna get all kinds of cute useless crap like salt and pepper shakers and picture frames at their wedding. This is her shower. A party for her with her girlfriends, right? To celebrate the fact that she is getting married? So you should get her something fun and sexy and maybe even a little naughty. Marriage isn't just about all that domestic crap. It can still be hot and dirty and passionate. And we both know that Chris and Ashley need a lot of help in that area.”

She didn't want him to be right, but he sounded right. She couldn't admit that though. So instead she sighed loudly, threw her hands down in defeat and marched towards to entrance. She heard him jogging up behind her and could just feel him congratulating himself. This was going to be a long shopping trip.

“Alright then,” she said once they were inside probably the last place she ever wanted to be with this particular person, “You are the sex expert here, what do you suggest?”

“Sam, I think you're forgetting that I know you very intimately and can confirm you are just as much an expert in this department as I am.”

He deserved the punch in the shoulder she gave him. She would hear no arguments against that.

“Be serious,” she scolded while he rubbed his arm, not wanting to admit that she was afraid he was being completely serious.

“Fine,” he laughed once he had recovered, “Let's start by eliminating anything in here that we know Chris and Ash would never use even if they both wanted to because they're the most vanilla couple in their early twenties on the entire planet.”

“So, the whole store?” she teased motioning to everything around them.

“Funny, but no,” he retorted making his way deeper into the store, “We're talking more like handcuffs, wax candles, riding crops, ball gags...”

“Basically all the things that are actually adventurous and arousing?” Sam asked then immediately regretted it as Josh stopped and turned to look at her. He had the glint in his eyes that she hadn't seen in years and still managed to turn all the blood in her body to steamy boiling water. She felt bubbly and high and he was so close to her that if she moved one more step their bodies would be pressed together.

“Nice to hear some things don't change,” he whispered and then reached up to brush his fingers across her face. He must have thought better of it though because he stopped halfway and turned back around to continue leading her through the aisles. She followed him after giving him a few steps of a lead first.

“Maybe,” Josh announced loudly as they came to a more open part of the store, “You should uh pick a little something up for yourself and Mike too. Since we're here I mean.”

“I bet he'd like that a lot,” she agreed and he nodded. She could tell they both knew what they were actually saying though. 'We used to have a lot of sex, and it was so very good and maybe I still think about it sometimes even though I shouldn't because really it was just sex. But that was a long time ago and now you're/I'm with Mike.'

“But a gift for the lovely bride-to-be first, right?” Josh said after they got the awkward nodding out of the way. They set out to do just that, Sam hoping to leave what just happened in that spot forever.

“Ooh look,” Sam said playfully, picking up a little volume from a shelf full of erotica and other sex-themed books, then put on her best sultry voice, “365 sex positions for the year.”

“Nah,” he said, taking it from her and putting it back, “These are lame. Most of them just repeat the same positions in a couple of different places and let me tell you some of them are just painful.”

“You'd know from experience then?” Sam asked batting her eyes innocently.

“Don't insult me,” he exclaimed, “I don't need this kind of guidance.”

“Right, my apologies,” Sam giggled rolling her eyes. Then Josh dashed off to a display behind her and she turned around and chased after him. Josh thrived in his element and two of his best elements were thoughtful gifts and sex. Sam never forgot that about him because honestly who could.

“Now we're talking,” showing the colorful bottles off to her, “Flavored lube.”

“Yuck,” Sam said scrunching up her nose. She was still smiling, but she really did hate that stuff.

“What?” Josh gasped, “This stuff is so much fun. You can play all sort of games with it.” His voice got all deep and seductive during the last part. Sam shook her head.

“It just grosses me out,” she explained, “A dick shouldn't taste like strawberries or whatever.”

“Hey, they have a free sample packet,” Josh said picking up one of the little transparent plastic squares. To Sam's utter shock and disgust he then proceeded to rip it open and squirt a little on his finger before he stuck the digit in his mouth and sucked on it.

“Why would you do that?” she asked closing her eyes and turning away from him. She felt and heard herself laughing though because he was making moaning sounds and it was embarrassing and stupid.

“It's mint,” he said pulling his finger from his mouth and nodding in approval.

“Uh, nasty!” she proclaimed cringing a little.

“I think you'd like it,” he said squirting more on his finger .

“No!” she exclaimed throwing up her hands.

“Come on,” he said holding his hand out to her.

“No!” she said louder this time pushing his hands away.

“Suit yourself,” he said swallowing the rest of it down then licking his lips. She cringed again. He was laughing as she dragged him away from the display. She gently shoved him but that just made him laugh harder. They were going to get thrown out of the store soon if they kept this up. They wandered further in and ended up in the lingerie section.

“Huh,” Josh said, “Here we go. Here is where we need to be looking.”

Sam shook her head, “No, no, no.”

“What?” Josh said, “This is perfect. It's risque enough that the white breads will find it adventurous and it's dull enough that they'll actually use it.”

“Well, you're probably right, but...”

“Okay and you know Ash's size right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“So, what's the issue here?”

“I hate picking out other people's sex clothes,” Sam whined, “I never know what their partner likes or what they'll feel comfortable in. And it just can get super awkward because not everybody is as comfortable as I am with their bodies.” It felt mean to say out loud but it was true. Sam could have worn any outfit in that store and she would have owned it. She also was sure Mike, or Josh, or any other person she had ever been involved with over the years would have very much appreciated it too. Not everyone was like her though, least of all Ashley.

“Well, today is your lucky day lady,” Josh said holding out his hands, “Because Josh Washington is your personal shopping buddy.”

“Yay?” Sam wasn't sure how that helped matters. Josh flung his arms out and rolled his eyes before addressing her again.

“Sam, I was Chris and Ashley's closest friend in high school. I listened to them go on and on and on about each other every single godforsaken day. I watched the two of them undress each other in their minds from across the room for five fucking years. You think I don't know what pushes that guy's pleasure buttons or how raunchy is too raunchy for that gal? Cause I do. I could write a book on it.”

“I mean if you're sure...” he seemed really confident in this and Sam liked when Josh felt sure of himself. Her counselors had always told her that was good for people with problems like him...and her.

“Sam, look I trusted you on the table thing,” Josh said, “Trust me on this.”

“Okay,” she responded and then even though so much of her told her not to say the next thing that came out her mouth because it was so much heavier than just a bridal shower gift and a kitchen table and dinner a few times a month and texting back and forth during the week and laughing and making jokes together again and picking him up late at night in her car and checking to make sure he was okay when he fought with his parents then forgot to take his medications, she still said it, “I trust you, Josh.”

“Good,” he said and she felt the weight of his understanding it. Of her saying it. Of her meaning it. That was probably the scariest thing of all. 

“Okay, so let's get that gift,” she said. Like that the bubble popped. They were back in the store and back on their mission. Josh cleared his throat and charged forward.

“Right,” he said walking away from her and he was blushing and it was cute, “We're looking for something like a sexy nighty or lacy underwear combo because she'd feel comfortable then. We can't get anything that's too elaborate. No dominatrix gear. Which is a shame because Ash could pull it off.”

Sam smiled mischievously at him, “You've thought a lot about your friends in dominatrix gear then?”

“Whenever I have a free moment in the day. And sometimes when I don't.”

“Uh-huh what about Chris then?” She asked giggling a little.

“Oh no, unfortunately Chris is a submissive through and through,” Josh said seriously, shaking his head. She burst out laughing because he said it so casually like it was an obvious fact of life.

“I meant,” she stressed still laughing, “What would Chris like us to get for Ashley?”

“Oh,” Josh said with understanding, “That's easy. Chris is a sucker for the purity and innocence thing.”

“Really?” Sam said not quite believing that. Upon thought it did make some sense. She didn't want to think too much on Chris' sex life though so she left it there. Even as she realized she was searching the walls and racks of this store for intimate attire as a gift for his future wife who would then presumably wear it for the explicit purpose of enticing him to bed her.

“Yeah, but not in the daddy-child, authority figure in charge, alpha dominant kinda way,” he clarified, then he put on a breathy young girl voice and continued, “But in the 'you're the only man who has ever touched me like this,' 'I've been saving myself just for you,' sweet virginal kinda way.”

She snorted. It wasn't actually bad at all. Sam believed everyone was allowed their kinks. She tried not to judge. Josh was trying to make it sound more pathetic than it was on purpose. She understood Chris' near instantaneous attraction to cute, shy, brace faced, book worm, little Ashley perfectly now however.

“Yeah,” Josh said as if he could read her mind, “That means no little kid stuff, like uh lollipops. Also avoid the Catholic school girl outfits. Given Ashley's family history that will probably turn her off. We're aiming for fluffy, soft, sparkles, light colors. Maybe cute animals or hearts. That kinda thing.”

“Got it,” Sam said putting a finger to her forehead and then pointing to Josh. She could have stopped there. She should have stopped there. But then she could have and should have done a lot of things when it came to Josh Washington. “What about you?”

“What about me?” He asked, pouring through the clothes on the racks himself.

“Do you like the whole innocent virginal thing?” she asked not looking at him but at the underwear and nighties on displays around them.

“Really? You have to know me better then that,” Josh sighed.

“What?” She countered, “We've had sex. That doesn't mean I know everything about you sexually.”

“Fine,” he agreed, “I suppose that is a good point.”

“Okay,” she said, “so..?”

“So no, I don't,” he said, “I don't like the purity thing.”

“Oh,” she said, 'Don't ask,' she thought, 'There's no reason to ask. It's not really your business to ask.'

“What do you like then,” she asked. Why was she doing this to herself?

“A lot of different stuff, I guess.”

“Like?” She should stop pressing. There was no reason for it. He looked at her sideways for a few moments and she looked back and shrugged as if to say 'just asking.' He seemed to think really hard as they both looked through the racks and wall in front of them not really seeing what was there. He was playing with a really pretty blue nighty that look like it was silky. She wondered what he was looking at because he was always looking at things she couldn't see.

“I like people who know what they want and aren't afraid to take it,” Josh finally told her coming up to stand by her, “I like people who aren't afraid of sex and aren't embarrassed that they like things like riding crops and bondage. I like people who are proud of their bodies and want me to see it and touch it and taste it. I like people are bold and adventurous. Who want to have sex on the beach and in the bathroom of a restaurant and on my kitchen table and not give a fuck about it. That's what I like.”

He was right next to her looking into her eyes and she remembered how she had felt earlier in the store. They weren't as close but the space between them felt heavy and hot and thick. Sam felt like if she walked through it then that would be doing something very meaningful in this moment. She might have too, but the words he had said were still filtering into her mind and when they finally finished a thought occurred to her and instead she asked.

“Wait, is that why your table broke?”

\----

Josh found a daisy yellow babydoll style piece that came with a flower crown and cute fuzzy high-heel slippers. He had exclaimed to Sam that this was perfect for Ash and Chris and she needed to get it for them yesterday. She agreed so enthusiastically that he thought she was being sarcastic. It seemed like he had won her over to his side of thinking though because she did buy it and then they headed down to the dollar store so she could get a card and some gift wrapping for it. He wondered when was the last time outside of work anybody had taken his advice on something. It felt good to have contributed. 

He sent Chris a text as he got into Sam's car letting him know that they were on their way to Josh's place. Because Chris was supposed to help him actually put his new table together. It wasn't that Sam couldn't help him. She could probably do a better job than Chris actually. It's just that Josh felt it was unfair to keep asking her favor after favor, besides that she had a dinner date later that night with Mike. Sam dropped him off looking worried. She was starting to take after his mom in the sense that she clearly didn't like where he lived.

“Are you sure you and Chris can handle the table and chairs?” she asked through the window as he stood there with his furniture box.

“You know we're both adults, right?” he asked her.

“Really?” she asked back, “You're gonna try to argue that for you and Chris?”

She had a point. “Well, we're big enough to put a table and chairs together anyway. Go on your date.”

“Okay then,” she said, “Call if you need me.” He gave her a salute in response. Then she was driving away from him. He waved until she was out of sight feeling a little childish. He couldn't have imagined everything today could he? There was definitely heat there. He guessed that was to be expected from two people who used to fool around together and had a lot of chemistry. It felt bigger than that though. More weighty, more intense, more meaningful. She had also said that she trusted him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with that yet.

Chris pulled up then. Josh had waited outside because he wasn't sure Chris would be able to find his apartment building. Based on the way the other guy looked parking and climbing out of his truck it had been a good idea because he looked like he didn't believe this was where Josh lived. It looked like Chris had gotten rid of his old pick-up and gotten a newer model. That made Josh a little sad. He had his car taken away for getting a DUI in high school and then he, Chris and Ash rode around a lot in the old pick-up truck. Josh on one end, Chris in the driver seat and Ashley being jostled between them in the middle. They'd park by the beach, lay out in the bed and get high. It was good times. Chris smiled when he saw Josh and made his way over to him.

“Yo bro,” Chris said and Josh realized this was his second visitor in less than a month. He was getting pretty popular. 

“Hey,” Josh said then nodded to Chris' vehicle, “New ride?”

Chris turned back to the parking lot to look at his own parked truck before answering, “Yeah, well the old one was my uncle Pete's before it was mine. It died on me. I need to get around.”

“And you got another pick-up truck?” Josh asked.

“Once you've gone big you can't go back,” Chris told him with a shrug.

“Oh, I know,” Josh said with a wink and obviously looking at Chris' crotch, to which Chris rolled his eyes, but laughed, “Still can't believe you ditched the pick-up. I mean what with all the memories.”

“You ready to get this thing put together?” Chris asked clearing his throat.

“Yeah man,” Josh said with a smile, getting ready to start hulling the box up to his apartment but then he stopped, “Oh, and by the way, you my friend are welcome.”

“What?” Chris asked but Josh didn't want to say anymore than that. It would be terribly rude to ruin the surprise after all. The two of them lugged the box up to Josh's second floor apartment and into his kitchen. Chris gave his place a once over and unlike Sam did not have the decency to not look like his place wasn't complete garbage. 

“So, nice place,” Chris said clearly not meaning it as he hung up his coat.

“Thanks,” Josh said opening the box, “I had to fight off two crazy meth heads to get it. And I only got one blood disease.”

“Glad you won,” Chris said heading into the kitchen and leaning on Josh's counter. Josh got the box open and was about to start taking things out when Chris spoke up again.

“You hung the invitation on your fridge?”

“What?” Josh turned around to face his best friend.

“The invitation to my wedding,” Chris said pointing to it, “You hung it on your fridge.”

“Oh, yeah I did,” Josh answered thinking maybe he should take the damn thing down if everybody was always going to be asking about it all the time.

“Does that mean you're thinking about coming, then?” Chris asked trying not to sound hopeful.

“Yeah, well I don't have to work that day,” Josh told him neglecting to tell him that was because he had requested the day off, “So I was going to.”

“Great, because we'd love to have you there,” Chris told him, “Ashley and I.”

“Cool, then,” Josh said turning back to the open box.

“Look, I get it okay?” Chris said suddenly, “This is weird. We've only hung out a few times and texted a little bit, and we aren't buddies like we used to be and it feels like a different lifetime that we were best friends. But we were best friends Josh, and you are here, back in my life right as I'm about to get married and I can't help but feel like that means something you know? That there's a reason for it?”

Josh looked at Chris again. He did know. He didn't agree, but he knew.

“So, I'm just gonna ask this and if the answer is no then it's no,” Chris told him. “I won't be upset or mad or anything and I'll still want you to be there.”

Josh was going to cry. He really didn't deserve this.

“I am marrying my second best friend and I want my first best friend to my best man when I do,” Chris said taking a step towards Josh, “Will he?”

He's not sure what happened. He thinks he hugged Chris because he doesn't know how else his face could have been pressed to the guy's chest. He knows that he cried and he knows from the way Chris was holding his shoulders that his friend had no idea what it was he was supposed to be doing for him. 

“Um this is a yes then..?” Chris asked him awkwardly, “Cause it's a weird way for you to say no.”

Josh pulled back and then for a reason he couldn't explain he reached up and put Chris in a headlock. He messed up his hair and laughed. He laughed loudly and deeply while he cried because he felt really really happy. Chris laughed too as he tried to push Josh off of him and get away.

“Yes, it's a yes,” Josh said before, “Oh my god, you are getting fucking married, Cochise." The old nickname fell off his tongue without a thought, "I can not believe this, you loser. Someone out there actually agreed to put up with you and your stupid puns for the rest of their damn life. I bet you even make your lame ass dad jokes while you're screwing her. We really need to get Ash's head examined. There has to be something wrong with that girl.”

Chris broke free and punched Josh on the arm. That was the second time today. You'd never think a guy would miss people hitting him as much as Josh missed it. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Chris said going over to the box Josh had abandoned, “Let's get your table set up so things are a little bit less terrible in you absolutely terrible apartment huh?”

Chris sounded annoyed but was still smiling widely and Josh was still laughing as he joined him to dump everything out to start assembly. Because no matter what it seemed they were still best friends.


	7. Sam v. The Bridal Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam doesn't have a big mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter. I wanted to flesh out Ashley's dad and sister since her family didn't make a real appearance in Guilty as Charged that's why they show up here. 
> 
> Also yay for Ashley finally showing up as a full blown character and not a background figure like she was in chapter two. And Double yay for Four Daughters of Darkness interaction which I live for.
> 
> Still no beta, so mistakes are still mine.

Sam assumed married couples or soon-to-be-married couples told each other everything. That was what everyone said anyway. That's why you don't tell your secrets to a married or engaged person. They'll tell their partner. Everybody knows that. That's what she chose to blame the situation on. And not the fact that maybe, just maybe, she might have a big fat mouth.

Ashley's shower was at her old place, the one she had lived at in high school and where her sister still lived with her father. Sam didn't know where the girls' father was tonight but supposed the important thing was not here. Sam never liked hanging out at Ashley's house in high school. None of the nine of them did, except maybe Chris, but that had less to do with the house's environment and more to do with the 'sitting on the pretty girl's couch bumping knees and brushing hands and sharing long flirty gazes' aspect of it. The house was a dark color and Ash's father had pictures of Jesus or crosses on every wall.

It wasn't that Sam had a problem with very religious people. Matt's family was just as Catholic as Ashley's. Maybe more so. The two of them had gone to the same Catholic elementary school in fact. But Matt's family was warm and welcoming. They were loving and fun. They hugged all the kids and let them stay for dinner and sent Matt over with treats and gifts. They laughed a lot and volunteered and took part in community and school events.

Ashley's father was one of those other type of believers. The cold kind. The kind that thought he knew better than everyone. The kind that judged you. Where no one was ever living their life good enough in his eyes. Where his house was always quiet and empty and devoid of energy. Where you always felt you were walking on eggshells when you were around him. It was no surprise that Ashley had anxiety problems. Sam wondered what exactly he thought of Chris, the man marrying his youngest daughter.

Sam was early to help set up and Ashley's sister, Natasha, met her at the door. Sam didn't have any siblings herself. All of her female friends on the other hand had sisters. The resemblance between them could be striking too. Hannah and Beth of course had been twins. Becky was Jess' mini me from the time she could walk and talk. Emily and her younger sister Jennifer looked like their mother as did their one much younger brother, Timothy. This meant it was more than a little strange to her that Ash and Nat looked barely anything alike. She would have never guessed they were sisters if she wasn't told so unless she went by their hair color alone, even then Ash's hair was a darker shade then Nat's hair.

“There's the sneaky little thing who took my spot as maid of honor,” Nat said sweetly, being as passive-aggressive as she always was, when she opened the door. Yeah, the two girls didn't really act anything alike either. Nat and Ash had many of the same hobbies and interests and none of the same attitude. At least when Ash (and by extension all her friends) was being bitchy she went full on bitch. No fake crap.

“Hey, Nat. Is anybody else here yet?” Sam said passing her the boxes of treats she had brought trying not to think about how supposedly Nat was working late today and yet was here setting up for the party.

“Uh yeah,” she said, “Mine and Ash's cousin Liz is here. And so your guys' angry Asian friend and your peppy blonde friend. They're setting up decorations in the living room.” Sam's eyes lit up a little. This was probably the reason she was most looking forward to the event. She rushed in quickly passed Ashley's sister and into the house she hated shrugging her gift bag higher onto her shoulder.

“Jess! Emily!” Sam shouted running into the overly blue, Ash's favorite color, decorated living room.

“Sam!” Jess cheered hoping off the chair she was balancing on and rushing over to the other girl. The two girls hugged tight hopping up and down a little bit in excitement. Jess kissed her cheek a few times and Sam giggled. She loved seeing Jess. She looked great. She worked out a lot these days so she was well-fit and toned. She hair was cut really short now and she was tan as could be from all her time in the sun. She had dedicated her life to charity, which Sam admired and appreciated. She just shined with kindness, strength and beauty.

“Well,” she heard Emily say and she looked passed Jess' shoulder to see her releasing a recently filled party balloon, “If it isn't the latest catch of Micheal Munroe. What are you doing you here, you slut?”

Sam laughed letting go of Jess and walking over to Emily. She didn't mean it. She had moved on from Mike a long, long time ago. Their relationship in high school hardly mattered to her. Especially after Emily came out as a lesbian. Sam threw her arms around Emily in a friendly hug but unlike Jess the other girl returned it only briefly before pulling back. She was still as glamorous as ever. Her hair was long now and her make up was perfect and she had stayed a perfect size 6. Her gaze was intense and her style was elegant. She was smart and classy and gorgeous.

“It's good to see you too, Em,” Sam said letting her go and stepping out of her space.

“You brought the snacks right?” Jess asked throwing her arms around Sam from behind in a another hug and leaning on her shoulder. Emily rolled her eyes.

“This one has such a sweet tooth,” she moaned, “I have no idea how she manages to keep all the weight off of her body.”

This terrible cold house didn't feel so awful anymore.

\---

They had all hidden and yelled 'surprise' when Ashley showed up under the impression she was just having dinner with her sister and father tonight. She looked really happy. She clapped her hands together and jumped up and hugged everybody who was close enough to her. She even cried a little which was a little dramatic, but Sam thought it was cute. She hugged her sister and her three girlfriends the hardest cause she knew they had been the ones to set this all up.

“You guys,” she said while still hugging Sam, “This is so great! Thank you!”

“Ash, we had to!” Jess exclaimed, “You're getting married! I mean married!”

“Okay, it's not that surprising,” Emily replied, “We all knew he was gonna put a ring on her eventually. Let's be real here, Ashley is clearly the best Chris is ever going to do.”

“Emily, you are so bad!” Jess barked out in a laugh cuddling up next her in a provocative way.

“You know his mother is here somewhere right?” Sam informed her, “She might hear you.”

“I know,” Emily said, “and she had to raise him so I'm sure that she would agree.”

Ashley was smiling and laughing and then they played a whole host of silly games. Sam won both the romantic movie quotes game for guessing correctly which movie almost all of them had come from and the couples trivia game for getting the most things right about Chris and Ashley combined. She was texting Josh after she was awarded her prizes thanking him for the many years of the Washington family shoving movies down her throat and for all the embarrassing stories he'd ever told her about his two best friends.

“No texting boyfriends,” Jess announced as they all started settling around the couch for a game gift bingo. Which was just gift opening but with bingo cards that had the names of common gifts on them, “This is ladies time. Mike can have you all to himself later.”

“I'm not texting Mike,” Sam defended putting her phone away.

“Yeah, yeah I know that look and smile,” Jess said with a smirk as she plopped down on the couch between Ashley and Emily. A few of the other woman in the room made noises of agreement to that. She went a little red, wondering exactly what had shown on her face to elicit that kind of response. Thankfully Ashley saved her.

“Okay,” she announced holding out her hands in a 'gimme' motion, “Present time!”

“Yes,” Sam agreed placing her hand on Ashley's shoulder before Nat started passing gifts from off the table to her and Jess to hand to Ashley. Nat got Ashley a whole set of aroma candles which Sam knew she absolutely loved. Their cousin got her a scrapbook for their wedding photos which since Ashley loved taking pictures and scrapbooking them would get a lot of use. Chris mother got them special champagne glasses for the wedding which were beautiful and had their names engraved on them and his grandmother got them fancy expensive looking wine. Emily got them personalized bed pillows also with their names printed on them. Jess got Ashley probably the comfiest, cutest looking robe in the entire world. The whole time people kept checking things off their cards. Then she got to Sam's gift.

Ashley had taken it half-way out of the bag before she dropped it back in and her face lit up bright red. She covered her mouth with her hands. Ash's eyes were wide open with anxiety but also looked kind of tempted and interested. Sam gave Ashley a roguish smile. Ashley was starting to return it until her eyes shifted briefly over to her fiance’s family and then back to Sam's. Then she looked almost terrified.

Emily must have gotten curious about the gift or impatient with their private exchange or both because she yanked the item from Ashley's lap. She glanced at them and made a show about pulling the it out.

“Sam, you know we threw this party for Ashley,” she pretended to scold displaying the gift for all to see and giving Jess a saucy wink, who whistled back, “What were thinking getting a gift for Chris?”

“Em!” Ashley cried out snatching the article of clothing from out of the other girl's hands and holding it in her lap, “I don't think that's appropriate given the company.”

“Ashley, please,” that was Chris' mom, “Do you think that my mother and I are unaware of the fact that you and Christopher have sex? We're not stupid. We each have two children and you live with my son.”

Sam always did like Chris' mom. Jess and Emily were giggling in each others' ears like school girls and Ash's sister and cousin joined in. Sam elbowed Ashley playfully who turned more red by the second.

“Listen Sam,” Ashley said, “I appreciate the thought. I really do. But I hope you have the receipt for this because I am not keeping it.”

“Uh yes you are,” announced Jess on her other side. Both Ashley and Sam turned to her. Emily's mouth was pressed to Jess' shoulder to suppress her laughter.

“What?” Ashley asked looking confused.

“Ashley, this is so you,” Jess told her, “You're gonna look amazing. You have to wear it at least once.”

“Really?” Ashley asked seeming nervous but also flattered.

“Hell, yeah!” Jess answered. Emily nodded behind her, her mouth still pressed to Jess' shoulder.

“You think?” Ashley asked, that tempted look coming back onto her face. Sam stepped up this time.

“Ash,” she said taking a hold of her hands, “Wear this on you wedding night, and I'll bet you anything that Chris' eyes will pop right out of his head.”

“Yeah?” Ashley said seeming excited about that prospect, “Okay, I'll think about then.” That was a yes.

“You should try it on right now for us!” Jess told her bouncing up onto her knees and tapping Ashley on the shoulder. Emily leaned up around the blonde and held up her hand for emphasis.

“I'm not opposed to that idea,” Emily added.

Ashley sighed heavily and pushed Jess away. She fell into Emily's lap and the three of them were giggling happily. Sam pulled out her phone and sent a text to Josh saying that he was probably right about the gift. Ashley smacked her playfully.

“Sam, we said 'no texting boyfriends,'” she said crossing her arms in a pretend huff.

“I wasn't. I was thanking your fiance's best man for helping get your gift,” Sam said, “It was his idea.”

Ashley seemed to zero in on only one part of what she said, “Chris picked a best man?”

Then Chris' mother added, “He still hasn't chosen a best man? What is he waiting for?”

“He keeps going back and forth on people,” Ashley told her and it sounded like a conversation they'd had a few times already, “He doesn't want to ask Brian and Nick is too young but then Pete is too old. He says that he and Matt really aren't close enough. I don't even know what his issue is with Mike.”

Then Nat had to say it. She just fucking had to.

“But Sam said he picked someone, didn't she?”

Then they were all looking at her and again she doesn't have a big mouth, she assumed that if Chris asked him then Ashley would be okay with it. That's why she answered.

“Well, yeah. He asked Josh.”

\---

It wasn't much of a shower after that. It was hard to have a party when the guest of honor had locked herself in her old bedroom and was screaming at her husband-to-be over the phone, demanding that he come there immediately and explain himself. 

Everyone had left as soon as she had done that. She did mutter a 'thank you' before she did it though. Nat and Sam thanked them all again and promised her other guests that Ashley would send them thank you notes or something for the gifts she had yet to open. Emily and Jess took off too saying that as much as they loved them both they didn't want to be there when Ashley torn Chris apart. Sam thinks the mention of Josh threw them off though because they weren't nearly as warm towards her when they left as when she had arrived. Chris' mother also stayed saying she wanted to see her son before his fiance got to him. Nat focused on clean-up. Sam tried to help out, but she felt like she had broken something that might not be fixable.

Nat got the door when Chris showed up. She greeted him coldly before letting him in. That's when Sam remembered that she and Chris' mother knew all the details about their history with Josh because they had been at the trial when the three of them testified. Nat cared about her sister at least because she stalked away from him. Chris saw his mother and Sam and nodded a few times before he said anything.

“So, it's pretty bad I'm guessing.”

“Oh, honey,” his mother said standing up and walking over to him, she looked stern and confused and disappointed in him, but she put her hands on his face with a lot of affection, “It's very, very bad.”

“You don't think...” he stopped, “I mean she's not gonna... we're still...” he gestured around the room at all the presents and decorations and Sam felt her heart go cold, “Right, mom?”

“I really hope so, Christopher. I really really do. We'll talk more about this later, okay,” his mother said. Then she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and headed for the door. She turned back as she opened it to leave and called, “Goodnight Natasha, Goodnight Samantha. Thank you for the party.”

Sam watched Chris standing there as she considered what he asked his mother. He was rubbing his forehead and breathing deeply. She felt very sad and very lost and very much like she shouldn't be watching this. She thought he might start crying. She also thought he might start breaking things. She wondered if this was just what love looked liked sometimes. Then she wondered if this was just what Josh Washington did to people sometimes. If this is what he would eventually do to her.

“Chris,” she said quietly, “you don't really think Ash is gonna call your wedding off over this do you?”

“Maybe,” he said, sitting down on the couch, “I didn't exactly ask her if Josh could be my best man. She was alright with inviting him though so I figured it would be okay, you know?”

Sam saw Nat wander into the kitchen out of the corner of her eye so she sat down next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She heard him breathe out a little laugh.

“Do you know how many times I sat on this couch with Ashley and thought about kissing her?”

“Probably a lot,” Sam answered. Chris nodded as if that was very true.

“And one time I almost did,” he told her tilting his head to look at her.

“Sure,” Sam said in an over exaggerated way. She didn't believe that for a second.

“No, really.” Chris turned towards her. “We were here and we were studying for some test or another. She was eating yogurt and Josh texted me about whatever. I must have been feeling stupid or brave. Cause I texted him 'I can't think dude. Ash has got a mouth full of banana yogurt and all I want to do is lick it clean.' He sent me a text back that said 'Then do it.' I wanted to so badly and Josh was telling me that I should. I leaned in and I put my hand on her shoulder. She looked up me with her big eyes and her nose twitching and her messy mouth open a little and I was going to. Oh, I was going to kiss her.”

“What happened?” Sam asked not really sure what the point of this story was.

“I waited too long. Her dad came home,” he said, then clarified, “We had to sit on opposite ends of the couch when her dad was home. He has a thing with space and his daughters.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Sam asked him.

“Because the one time I almost did kiss Ashley it was because Josh encouraged me to,” Chris said, “That's why he needs to be the best man at our wedding.”

“No, Chris,” Sam said, “Why are you telling ME this?” Sam tried to stress her point this time by looking back at where the bedrooms were in the house.

“Oh,” Chris said understanding her meaning. Then he stood up and faced the way towards Ashley.

“Wish me luck,” he said to her while walking away.

“Gonna need a lot more than that,” Sam said back. Then she heard him knocking on Ashley's childhood bedroom door as she turned back around and sunk into the couch. Sam would leave, but she had no idea how this was going to turn out and she felt she should be here for Ashley in case things went sour. She found herself sending a text to Mike.

Sam: I have to tell you something.

Sam: In person.

Mike: Like now?

Sam: Like soon.

Then Sam threw her phone down on the couch and put her hands over her face. She couldn't see Josh again until talking with Mike. That's what she knew.

She wasn't hiding Josh from Mike. She was just not telling him that she hung out with him when she did because Mike would worry and she hated to make Mike worry. The doctors said it was bad for Mike's trauma to worry him too much and he always worried too much about her.

She didn't think it was that big of a secret. It was something she had to figure out in her own time in her own space and she knew Mike had no interest in getting reacquainted with Josh. She had decided to get him involved once they got closer to the wedding. Maybe they could all go to dinner together. Then she would tell him and explain that this was part of her process for forgiving Josh and moving on and she didn't want to force him into it. It had made sense to her.

But Ashley didn't even hate Josh, at least she said she didn't, and yet her and Chris' potential marriage was possibly falling apart over him keeping the news from her. Who knew what effect this was going to have on Sam's own relationship? Sam and Mike had gotten close over the years and had truly bonded but if you asked Sam if she believed in soul mates and she said 'of course' it wouldn't be them that she'd hold up as proof but her nerdy awkward coupled up friends, Chris and Ashley. If they might not survive this then what hope did Sam and Mike have?

Nat finished all the clean-up around her and she didn't bother to ask Sam to help. Maybe she wanted the distraction or maybe she wanted to complain that Sam didn't help her to people later. Ashley's father came home once she was pretty much finished and if possible the whole atmosphere of the room got worse. He greeted his daughter with the shortest hug and kiss Sam had ever seen anyone give and as Nat explained the situation to him she actually wondered if the man ever smiled or frowned or made an emotion other than stern angry glare with his face. He, much like Nat, looked nothing like Ashley. But unlike them both he didn't even have red hair. His hair was somewhere between blonde and brown.

“So, where are they now?” the man asked looking around. Nat shrugged her shoulders and then they both looked at Sam.

“They're in Ashley's old room,” Sam said shifting eyes from one to the other. The man looked if possible even more upset and shook his head.

“Ashley, Chris,” he shouted, “Come out now. You two aren't supposed to be alone in Ashley's room.”

Sam pulled a face simply because she actually couldn't believe that while his daughter, who lived with her fiance, was possibly calling off her engagement this man's main concern was that there was a possibility that the two of them might be having sex in her room. Nat must have agreed with her by the way she rolled her eyes. Either way Chris and Ashley left her bedroom and came out into the living room. Chris looked exhausted and while Ashley looked less angry there was still a storm in her eyes.

“Dad, are you serious?” Ashley yelled when she came out, “Chris and I are discussing something very important and private at the moment.”

“And that is fine, but you can't do it in your room,” he answered giving her a warning look then his eyes flicked over to Chris, “For obvious reasons.”

“Dad!” Ashley moaned as she fell next to Sam on the couch. She buried her face in her hands. The man moved forward and took Chris' hand. He shook it stiffly. Chris shook it back like he was used to this form of greeting.

“Evening Chris,” he said simply.

“Hey, Richard,” Chris replied, standing up straighter which admittedly seemed very sweet to Sam. Especially because Chris was at least a half head taller than Ashley's dad.

“I'm going to bed,” Nat said quickly and dashed off to her own room. Sam was thinking she should have left when she had the chance earlier herself. She wished she was on better terms with Ashley's sister if only so she could hide out with her in her room.

“So what's the problem here, son?” Richard asked crossing his arms and looking directly at Chris. Even when he was trying to be friendly it came off vaguely nasty. Sam wondered if that might be why Nat always appeared to be being passive-aggressive. This man couldn't make anything sound pleasant.

“Ashley's mad at me,” Chris explained to him though he sounded more like he was confessing his sins, “Because I didn't ask her if Josh could be my best man before I asked him to do it.”

“Josh Washington?” he asked calmly, “The ex-convict who tied my daughter up in front of a buzz-saw then forced her to watch you, the man she loves, choose to shoot either her or yourself in the head?”

Sam couldn't even imagine how Chris felt because she felt about two inches tall when Ashley's father said that. He looked ashamed of himself. She couldn't help but be thankful that judging glare wasn't turned on her instead. She looked at Ashley who looked embarrassed and like she wanted to speak up, but didn't. Sam recognized that look. It was the one her own face made whenever either of her mothers badmouthed Josh in her presence.

“Uh yes sir,” Chris answered, his voice suddenly small and formal.

Ashley's father nodded, “See I like you, Chris. You make my daughter happy and you're a smart, put-together young man. But I think I can see her perspective on this one. I wouldn't blame her if she called your wedding off already, but I know I raised her better than that. So I suggest you do whatever it takes to fix this and you do it fast. You'd be a fool to lose a girl like Ashley over a piece of shit like that.”

Chris was nodding as Richard leaned down to give Ashley another of his cold chaste little kisses on the top of her head. She looked up at him and gave him a look that was maybe a little grateful and thankful. Then as if Chris and Sam weren't there at all he made a bold statement to her while patting her head.

“You always have a home here little ladybug,” he said, “You go on and make whatever decision you think is the right one. I trust your judgment.”

'Thanks, dad,” Ash said looking awkward, but she smiled. Her father's face looked soft for the first time ever to Sam as he stood up and walked towards a door on the far end of the living room that must lead to his bedroom.

“Night, kids,” he called stiffly. Then the three of them sat in there alone. Chris circled the couch and bent down in front of Ashley. He reached his hand out as if to touch her a few times and then he didn't. It was like he felt he wasn't allowed to. He took a deep breath.

“Do you still want to marry me?” he asked looking away from her as if he couldn't handle the rejection he was sure was about to come.

“Of course I do, Chris,” Ashley sighed out almost sadly and Chris barely had enough time to look relieved before she pressed on angrily, “But I'm really mad at you. I can't believe you would ask Josh to be your best man and not tell me. I can't believe you've been talking with Josh and haven't told me. I can't believe you've been talking with Josh and didn't ask if I wanted to see him too.”

That surprised both Chris and Sam. That was what Ashley was upset about? That they didn't ask her if she wanted to see Josh as well. Things just went from bad to completely confusing.

“You want to see Josh?” Sam asked her reaching out her hand but not touching her.

“I don't know! Maybe!” she yelled back defensively. Sam jumped back a little at that.

“This is why I didn't tell you right away,” Chris was saying, “I was scared it would upset you. I mean you're always going back and forth on him. It's hard to tell how you feel about Josh most of the time. Sometimes I think you miss him and sometimes I think you want to kill him.”

“Why can't it be both?” Ashley asked a lot less angry, then she picked up a throw pillow and began smacking it against the arm of the couch, “He hurt me. And I want to hurt him back and yell at him and hit him and ask him why and demand answers...”

Ashley threw the pillow across the room and it knocked one of her father's crosses off the wall, she was crying and shaking, “But... he was my friend. We laughed together, we smoked together, we got tattoos done together, I told him things in secret and read his journals, he braided my hair and I trusted him.”

Chris had moved onto the couch and was holding Ashley tightly in his arms and petting her hair softly. Ashley crawled her way into his lap as he started whispering something to her that sounded practiced, like he said it enough to have it memorized. She kept touching him everywhere like she was afraid he would up and vanish if she didn't check to make sure he was there every few seconds. He kissed her on her face and her hands a few times. It was intimate. Sam felt like she really shouldn't be watching this.

“I do want to see Josh,” Ashley confessed, “But I don't wanna be alone with him. I'm so scared, Chris.”

“Shh, don't be scared,” Chris said soothingly, “It will be okay. If you want, I'll be there too.”

“I know you will,” Ashley said in a soft gentle voice, “You're always there for me.”

Sam reached over and smoothed down Ashley's hair. She sounded very sincere and that made her think of Mike. She wondered if she would ever feel about him the way Ashley did about Chris. She wasn't entirely sure. She wanted Mike to be happy and she enjoyed being with him. She thought about him often during the day like when she saw big dogs or the color red (his and her favorite color). The smell and taste of beer always made her miss him and she felt so safe in his arms. There was an righteousness and a dedication in Mike that she craved and adored. She felt like she could talk to him in a way she couldn't talk to anybody else and he would never judge her.

But the way Ashley looked at Chris was so different. Sam felt so anyway. Ashley looked at Chris like she couldn't imagine a world without him in it. Chris would do the stupidest least attractive things and Ashley would look at him like he was the sexiest man alive. Ashley looked at Chris like she loved him.

Ashley was nodding and she and Chris were each wiping off her face. Then her eyes drifted over to Sam and they looked begging and pleading and Sam knew what she was going to ask before she did.

“Will you be there too, Sam?”

“Of course I will, Ash.”

Sam did indeed have a big fat mouth.


	8. Josh and Sam v. Important Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Sam each have a very important talk... neither goes as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so looking forward to writing Ashley, Chris and Josh together. Also yay Mike is back in the story after forever. I think I finally know about how long this is going to be too.
> 
> I know my interpretation of Ashley is different and if you haven't read Guilty as Charged might be a little confusing. This is how I see her though and it's how I could best describe the actions she can take in-game.
> 
> There will more to Josh and Ashley's relationship in this, but this is the start.

Josh has gone out a lot. He's gone out with a lot of different people in a lot of different contexts. Dates, friendly outings, family dinners, staff parties, school dances, houses parties, Hollywood shows, picnics, business meetings, art shows, movie premieres, restaurant and club openings, you name it Josh has probably gone out with somebody to it. This was still bound to be the weirdest one yet though.

“This feels double dateish, right?” Josh said to Sam from the passenger side of her car as they drove to meet Chris and Ashley at their place for what was sure to be an awkward lunch, “That just me?”

Sam rolled her eyes at him, “Josh please, this is serious. Ashley is nervous about seeing you again and she was really upset with Chris last night. He thought she was going to call off their wedding.”

“I don't see how that's my fault,” Josh said again, because honestly he didn't, “I didn't lie to her.”

“No, but you are a very sore subject in their relationship right now,” Sam said stopping a little hard at a red light, “And as Chris' best man and supposed best friend you should want to do your best to help them through this. So behave.”

“Fine,” he grumbled sinking into the seat, “I'm just saying this feels like kinda a double date. Which is sorta weird, given everything that's happened. You know what I mean?”

From the way she sighed he guessed that she didn't.

\---

It was oddly nice to be back at Chris' place again. Especially because this time it didn't come with the crippling fear it had last time. He thought he should be more nervous about seeing Ashley again. No matter how hard he tried though she didn't bring the same fear in him that Sam or Chris had and he couldn't place why. Out of all three of them she was the most likely to be angry (the girl had a temper on her) and she was the most likely to not forgive him. He was close to Ashley so it had nothing to do with not caring about her. He cared a great deal about her. Maybe it was because he felt like Sam and Chris were already on his side and Ashley hated to fight against her friends. That didn't feel quite right either though. He'd figure it out soon though because Sam had rang the doorbell which means he was about to see Ashley McKinley face to face for the first time in years.

Chris opened the door almost immediately, “Hey guys.”

“Hey Chris,” Sam said and gave him a big hug.

“Hey bro,” Josh said as the two mid-fived in the doorway. Chris looked way more worried about this than Josh felt and that made him feel bad. He certainly didn't want to be the reason Chris and Ashley broke up. Especially not after it had taken them so long to finally get together. He definitely thought he had a right to be in Chris' life, but if he had known the guy was keeping the whole thing a secret from his fiance he would have smacked him hard over the head for it. It seemed even with age his best friend had gotten no better at dealing with his romantic entanglements. Ash must have the patience of a saint.

“So, where's Ashley?” Sam asked as the two of them headed inside.

“Bathroom,” Chris answered, “She's feeling sick. But I think it's nerves.”

“Because of me?” Josh asked suddenly feeling terrible as the three of them settled into the living room.

“Oh uh no, actually,” Chris said. Josh was very relieved and then very curious.

“Then what about?” he asked. 

“She got a call from the publishing house today,” Chris explained, “Her book is doing really well.”

Sam screamed with joy, “No way! Really? She's been working on it for so long and she was so happy when it finally came out. I still can't believe it.”

Frankly neither could Josh, “Ash is a published author?”

“Yeah,” Chris said and the amount of pride and love on his face was more than a little sickening.

That's when Ashley entered the room. She froze when she saw the three of them. Her eyes deadlocked on Josh. From the way she looked at him Josh suspected that maybe she'd had a whole speech planned. Maybe there were things she always wanted to say to him that were on the tip of her tongue in that moment. Maybe she had been picturing this for a long time already and didn't know which way she wanted it to go. Maybe she had been waiting so long to curse him out and tear him to shreds and couldn't believe she might get the chance that she just didn't know where she should begin.

All that fell to the wayside however because as soon as he saw her Josh stood up and marched over to her and threw his arms around her in the tightest hug he'd given anybody in a long time yelling in glee, “You're an author now! That's amazing! I always knew you could do it! I can't wait to read your story! You have to get me a copy of your book! Tell me what it's about! No, don't! I wanna be surprised!”

Then Ashley was laughing and hugging him back and letting him pick her up and swing her around the room in celebration. He put her down to hold her at arms length. He smiled down at her and she smiled up at him. They had shared stories with each other all the time in high school. She bounced her ideas off of him and sent him stories to critique. He was happy to have helped her get to her dream. She was such a passionate writer. She had such an expansive mind. She had so many wonderful stories to tell. 

“I told our story,” she told him answering his unasked question looking a little sad and a little sorry, “The story of what happened that night on Blackwood Pines.”

At another time he would have been angry, in fact he can't say he wasn't a little upset with her at that moment but if she could try to forgive him then he could try and forgive her, “There's no one in the world better suited to tell it.”

Reality seemed to settle back around them after that. She took a step back from him nervously. Her eyes widened as if she herself couldn't believe what she had just allowed him to do. She smiled tensely and then went to sit in the only easy chair in the room. Josh joined Chris and Sam back on the couch. There was a stretch of time that Sam filled by asking Ash and Chris how work was going and all that inane useless stuff boring people talk about. He did learn Ashley was working on a teaching degree though because she was student teaching in a public high school.

He realized then that Ashley fell into a strange middle ground between Sam and Chris. While Sam hadn't trusted him at all upon first seeing him again and Chris trusted him right away Ashley seemed to be struggling with two polar opposites instincts. One that told her to be wary of him as Sam had been and one that told her to welcome him with open arms as Chris had done.

He found that refreshing and charming and so completely Ashley. The girl who joked openly about being in a polyamorous relationship with him and Chris, and all the nasty three-way sex they were having, but had remained a virgin until age eighteen and had only had sex with one person since then. The girl who smoked pot biweekly in his basement but freaked out when she first found out that the Washington parents let the kids drink in the house because they thought is was 'safer.' The girl who aced every test, had an almost perfect GPA, and attended their school on academic scholarships, but then would turn around and complain about how stupid it was that their worth as students was measured by a select few numbers chosen for what was seemingly totally arbitrary reasons. The girl who wore cute little booty shorts and let him playfully smack her ass, but was afraid to make a move on either Jess or Chris, the two people she had actually wanted to date while they were in high school. Ashley McKinley, she was the living, breathing, walking definition of a contradiction.

That's why he wasn't nervous. She had the most reason to hate him. She had the most reason to be angry with him. She had the most reason to not want him in her life. She had the most reason throw him out the door right at that moment and never look back. No one would blame her. They'd probably expect it from her. It was predictable behavior.

The thing about Ashley was that she had this little habit of being wonderfully unpredictable. It might just have been Josh's favorite thing about her.

\---

Eventually the four of them transitioned to the kitchen to actually eat lunch together. They were just having simple sandwiches. While Josh and Ashley did finally begin talking more no conversation actually passed directly between them since their first interaction when he and Sam arrived. It was putting a lot of pressure on Sam and Chris. They could only talk so long about, had they moved on to world sports? Well since Chris had no interest in that, that's how Josh knew ideas were running short. It was no surprise that soon things were totally silent. Josh hated silence. It was bad enough to deal with when he was alone.

“So, the wedding is pretty soon, huh?” Josh asked eventually. Sam looked worried. It probably wasn't the best subject to bring up, but the were running out of options here so she couldn't blame him right?

“Uh yeah,” Chris answered as Ashley shot him a glare, “A little over a mouth.”

“Oh! I wanted to ask the other day,” Josh continued even though Sam had now put her head in her hands and was shaking it, “What kind of wedding are you having? A Catholic one or a Jewish one?”

“Neither really,” Chris said glancing over at Ashley as if asking for permission to answer him (she had moved her glare from him to her plate), “We're having a non-religious ceremony.”

“Wow,” Josh said leaning forward in genuine interest, “And Ash's dad is cool with that?”

“I'm going to the bathroom!” Sam suddenly announced, “Josh, help me find it.”

“You don't need help to find the bathroom,” Josh said, “It's right down the hall.”

“I know,” Sam said standing up, shooting him an angry look and walking into the hall. He looked back at Chris and Ashley who both knew exactly what Sam was doing and seemed to be waiting for him to follow her anyway. Josh got up and hurried after her. He met her by the bathroom door. She had her arms crossed and looked upset.

“Josh,” she said when he reached her, “What are you doing?”

“Nobody was talking,” he explained, “It was weird and we can't just avoid the topic forever.”

“She's probably still really upset about it,” Sam tried looking around nervously. She was adorable.

“Okay, well, I'm here and Chris is here and if she has something to say to either of us maybe she should say it,” Josh retorted, “Besides they are getting married soon. Last time I checked there are all sorts of wedding stuff the best man has to be involved in like tux rentals, and rehearsal dinners and other lame traditional crap like that. I think we all need to know what the deal exactly is here right?”

“I hate it when you make sense,” Sam said seething and then turned to the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” Josh asked.

“Going to the bathroom,” Sam told him, “Go in there, I'll be right back.”

Josh rolled his eyes at her as she closed the bathroom door in his face. Then he made his way back to the table in the kitchen with Chris and Ashley who were quietly waiting. He sat down and smiled.

“So what was I asking?” Josh started.

“The apartment's not that big,” Ashley told him and he almost couldn't believe that she spoke directly to him, “You should keep your voice down if you want to have a private conversation.”

“Alright,” Josh said back, “That means you heard...”

“Yeah,” Chris interrupted.

“Okay then,” Josh said falling back in his chair. Josh and Ashley looked at each other for quite some time only looking away to glance over at Chris whose eyes flickered sadly between them. He looked like he really wanted to fix whatever was broken between his two closest friends. Josh came to an important conclusion and it seemed Ashley did at the same exact time.

“Look Ash,” “Listen Josh,” He and Ashley both started to speak. Josh motioned for her to go first.

“I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss having you around. But I don't know how to feel about you anymore. It's very confusing and I need time to figure it all out. In the meantime though I think Chris is right. You were a big part of our lives and a big part of us getting together. It's really important to him that you be his best man and it's really important to me that the man I want to spend my life with is happy. So please Josh, come to our wedding and be the best man. It would mean a lot to both of us.”

“Well jeez, when you put it that way...” Josh started rolling his eyes and half moaning. 

“Josh,” Chris warned crossing his arms.

“I'd be more than happy to.” Josh smiled but not as widely as Chris did as took Ash's hand and kissed it in gratitude. Josh could tell that he and Ashley were both satisfied to have made Chris' day at least. They silently agreed to work out the rest later.

\---

When Sam rejoined the group the mood was lighter and easier. Josh, Ashley and Chris were all smiling and talking easily as she sat back down. At one point Josh even apologized to Ashley that this whole thing had ruined her bridal shower. Ashley dismissed it saying she had had fun for the first half of the night and had gotten to open all the best gifts before she flipped out anyway. The rest were mostly lame kitschy stuff she had too much of already but people always assumed she wanted. That reminded Sam of a question she had wanted to ask, but hadn't been able to yesterday because of everything that had been going on. She spoke up before the good atmosphere could be dissolved by anything else.

“Hey Ashley,” she said reaching out to grab her friend's hand, “Speaking of the shower there was something I wanted to ask you. What was that thing you said about you and Josh getting your tattoos done together?” She knew they both had tattoos, had seen Josh's many times, but not that they got them done at the same time. Both Josh and Ashley's eyes lit up at the mention of that and Chris groaned.

“There's a story to that,” Ashley started hitting her hands on the table excitedly.

“Oh,” Josh interrupted, “Let me tell it. I love telling this one.”

“Here we go,” Chris said rolling his eyes. Ashley motioned for Josh to start already giggling slightly.

“So, you remember how when we were all teenagers Chris, Ash and I loved that jewelry and tattoo place about a five minute drive from the school, Constellation?” Josh asked her.

“Yeah,” she said. That wasn't the place where Hannah got her tattoo done, but it was where Sam got her own white butterfly tattoo done on her hip in remembrance of Hannah the year after she went missing.

“Well, I kept saying how I wanted a tattoo and Chris was bugging me saying 'You always say you're gonna get stuff done but then you never do it, it's so annoying.' And we were already going there that day so Ash could get a new piercing.”

“Okay,” Sam said understanding where this might be leading now.

“So when Ash met us at my car I told Chris that I would get a tattoo done that day, and then Ash said if I got one done then she'd get one done instead of a new piercing,” Josh smirked at this part of the story, “Then Chris said, 'Oh come off it neither of you are getting tattoos. And I am so convinced you won't do it that if you do get tattoos done today I'll get one too.'”

Sam's eyes shot to Chris as she gasped out, “You have a tattoo?”

Josh cut him off before he could answer, “Let me finish the story. Then I said to him, 'Alright but I get to pick where it goes and Ash gets to what it is.' Chris agreed and then we headed to Constellation. Long story short Ashley got two small tattoos that are a sun and clouds combo and moon and stars combo with some artsy quote about life and I got this huge badass scorpion on my back that looks like it's tail is stabbing into my skin that turns into cracks that spell 'it's my nature.' And Chris... pussied out. Then he made us promise not to tell anybody at school.”

“Those things are permanent, dude and they hurt,” Chris exclaimed as Josh and Sam laughed loudly, “Besides I obviously didn't think you guys were actually gonna go through with it.”

“You just didn't wanna get a tramp stamp of rainbow flower petals,” Ashley said also laughing.

“You know what baby, I actually have no problem admitting that I really didn't.” Chris reached over and slung his arm around Ashley pulling her over towards him so he could plant a sloppy kiss against her head. Sam glanced over at Josh to find him looking at her. Sam saw the flush on his face and felt it on her own. They watched each other intensely as they heard Chris kissing Ashley and her scolding him to stop it because they had company. Josh reached over and took her hand in his. This was nice.

Things after that seemed okay between everyone. Especially when Ashley gave Josh a copy of her book as he and Sam were leaving. He insisted she sign it for him before he would take it. She smiled a special shy little smile when she did. He was looking through it as Sam drove him home and that made her feel a little bad that she hadn't even opened her copy yet and as far as she knew neither had Mike. She assumed Ashley would understand though.

“Are you gonna read it?” she asked him because he seemed absorbed in the text.

“I was thinking about it, I'm not sure I have the time to though,” he said flipping through the pages. Then he looked at her, “Did you?”

“I haven't even looked at it since she gave it to me,” Sam admitted with a shrug.

“The dedication is interesting,” he said and she appreciated that he didn't comment on her choice not to read their friend's first published book.

“Yeah, what's it say?” she asked him.

“'To the nine best (and worst) people I will ever know in my life; Chris, Sam, Emily, Jess, Matt, Mike, Hannah, Beth and Josh. Thanks for helping me get to my dream, guys,'” he told her. Sam smiled at that. Not long after Josh went to prison the seven of them had gotten into a huge argument. It was after Jess and Mike broke up and all their anger had come out at each other at once. It was finally Jessica who had loudly asserted, 'Well, you know what? Maybe we're all just horrible people! Maybe that's why we deserve each other!' Strangely that had seemed to fix everything and they had never been closer.

She looked over at Josh who had started reading the first chapter of Ashley's book quietly to himself. Even though he said he didn't have the time for it and even though it might bring up terrible memories for him, he was reading it. It meant a lot to Ash and so it meant a lot to Josh. He looked so focused and contemplative. It made her realize how nice it was to have him around again. She had missed him. He was still half-reading it when Sam dropped him off at his apartment and said goodbye. She watched him until he got inside afraid he might trip since he wasn't paying attention.

Her first mission of the day was done and it had gone well so it was time to move on to her second. She steeled herself before she sent Mike a text letting him know that she'd be waiting at his apartment when he got off work. He responded with an 'Okay, make yourself at home.' and then she was off to his place.

\---

Sam liked Mike's apartment. It was a good size, and it smelled of both him and his wolf. That always made her feel right at home. It was a comfortable place, inviting and relaxing. Mike didn't like things that looked good, but felt awful. He was a sensual kind of guy. Comfort over style was his way, but Sam didn't care too much about the clashing furniture and torn upholstery. She would swear she could feel the stress melt off of her when she fell down onto his couch and wrapped herself in one of his old blankets. They had been together awhile and he always kept food in the fridge for her. She had left soap and shampoo there and was more then welcome to use his facilities.

This is why it was so weird to be sitting in Mike's place and feel anxious. She couldn't get comfortable, no matter which way she lay or sat. She even tried crashing in his bed when the couch didn't work. She tried taking Wolfie for a walk. She tried taking a shower. She even did his dishes. It seemed no matter what she did she couldn't calm down. Ashley and Chris' fight had put her on edge and she couldn't keep herself from imagining this going in the worst possible way. She was making his bed for the third time when he came home.

“Sam?” he called, probably wondering why she wasn't hanging out with Wolfie in the living room eating and on her computer. He wandered into the bedroom to find her on his bed replacing the pillowcases on his pillows. 

“What are you doing?” he asked from the end of the bed, Wolfie at his side whom Mike was patting on the head with rough affection.

“Yoga,” she answered surprised she could even be sarcastic, “I hear it's a good stress reliever.”

“Uh huh. And why on my bed with my pillows?” he asked playing along.

“Guess I just missed you,” she said flatly. Mike shooed Wolfie out of the room and joined her on the bed. He took her face in his hands and gave her a kiss in greeting. He went to pull away and she leaned further into it. If this was the last time she ever kissed Mike she wanted to remember what it felt like. He didn't object and soon they were kissing rather intensely. Eventually though he pulled away.

“What's wrong, Sam?” he asked. He knew her too well. He could always tell when something was bothering her. Mike knew the difference between an I-want-you-because-I'm-hot-for-you kiss and an I'm-scared-and-I-need-you-right-now kiss.

“You're gonna hate me,” she told him looking away from him when she did.

“I don't think that's possible,” he reassured her pulling her face back to him. She felt a rock settle in her stomach and decided she wasn't going to draw this out. She was just going to tell him.

“I've been seeing Josh,” she said and she could tell by the look of horror and confusion on his face that he had misconstrued that sentence, “I mean we've been hanging out. As friends.”

“Oh,” he sighed in relief but he still looked confused and horrified and even a little angry. He didn't say anything more than that so she plugged on with her explanation.

“I saw him again after that time I told you about, only we talked and went for tea. He seems a lot better and I think he's sorry. We were close, Mike and I missed him. We've hung out a few times. But you seem to hate him so I thought you'd be mad. I thought you would tell me not to go or you'd worry.”

Still he remained silent so she just continued on with her explanation, “But then he met up with Chris too and Chris invited him to the wedding. And we're both going to be at the wedding. That's when I figured you needed to know. And that you needed to find out from me and not from someone there.” She decided it was better to leave out the part about her connecting Chris and Josh and then Ashley blowing up at Chris over it.

“So why didn't you tell me before?” he asked. She sighed.

“I felt like this was something that I had to do on my own,” she said, “I didn't want to force it on you.”

“I can respect that,” he said after running his hand down his face and scratching his chin, “I wish you would have told me though. What if something had happened to you? You can't be too careful with this guy, Sam. After everything he put us through. I wish you told me at least for your own safety.”

“I know, I know,” she said, “But it's not like that anymore. He was really sick before. He's doing better and I don't think there's anything to worry about. You'll see when you see him. It's different now.”

“Why do you trust him so much all of a sudden?” he asked shaking his head in disbelief.

She couldn't answer that. She wasn't really sure herself. She had an idea why she trusted him so much, but she didn't think sharing that with Mike would be the best of ideas. True Mike knew the vaguest of details about her past relationship with Josh, but still that didn't mean he wanted to talk about it with her. They had been very close. Maybe closer than Sam had ever been to anybody and considering they had also been having sex at the time, she had a feeling Mike may feel a little threatened by that.

“I don't know,” she confessed, “But I do.”

“I assume you want to keep this 'friendship' going too?” he asked, “That's why you're telling me this?”

“I would, yes.” She didn't like the idea of not having Josh in her life again.

“You don't need my permission to have friends.” He sounded cold and distant. He didn't look at her.

“This is different and you know that,” she stressed grabbing his hands and putting them in her lap. He looked at her again and sighed.

“I don't want to lose you.” He looked begging when he said it, almost scared. She understood that.

“Look, just try and be okay with this because he's gonna be around a little bit from now on. You don't have to trust him but have faith in me and my judgment, okay?”

He groaned before he answered her, “Alright, babe. I don't like it and I'm upset but I fully support you.”

Sometimes she felt like she didn't really deserve this man.

“I just don't want things to get weird.”

Somehow Sam felt that part was going to be unavoidable.


	9. Josh v. The Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People don't always live up to your image of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had to happen sooner or later. I'm happy it's happening now though.
> 
> Also Josh refers to Wolfie as a dog not a wolf and not by name simply because I genuinely feel like Josh wouldn't care enough about the animal to remember either his species or name. And of course it doesn't like him because Mike doesn't.
> 
> I feel bad for Josh in this chapter...

Eventually Josh knew he had to talk to his parents.

Well, not really he could avoid them forever if he really wanted to. That didn't really fit in with the new lifestyle he was trying to live though. He also knew he should reach out to the rest of his old friends. Because it was either that or wait until the wedding when things would be that much more awkward and weird. He couldn't do that to Chris. Though he actually didn't know if his parents were going. His mom had been vague on it when he sent her a text about it. Either way he had to get one of the two over with. He took a look around his bedroom, which was the only semi nice part of his apartment, especially now that it didn't smell like piss, took out his phone and made a choice.

He was going to have to do a lot for Sam eventually to repay her for everything he had asked of her.

Josh: Do you wanna help me with something?

Sam: I'm fine. And how are you? Also it depends on what.

Josh: I wanna get the band back together.

\---

They met at the park again. She seemed to like the park so he tried not to complain about it. She was already sitting and drinking from a to-go cup when he saw her. She was wearing track shorts and a tank top as if she had been out jogging. She probably had been, the health freak. That was weird for him. He had to stay in shape for his job. Sam did it just because she liked to. He dropped down next to her and she smiled up at him. She looked small again. He really liked that.

“So what's this about a band?” she teased. She leaned back and tilted her head at him blinking her eyes innocently. He wanted to tease her back, but this was serious. He needed to be straight with Sam.

“My parents didn't tell me that a bunch of you guys tried to contact me since I've been out of jail,” he finally confessed to her, “That's what we fought about. The night you came and got me.”

“Oh Josh, that's awful.” Sam looked very sorry for him. He hated that. He still hated pity.

“Yeah, well,” Josh shrugged, “It happened.”

“So are you... I mean how do you feel about this?” she asked putting a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to knock it off, but he let her keep it there. For her sake and not for his.

“I'm over it mostly,” he said hoping she believed that, “I kinda want to see them... everybody I mean. Talk to them. Find out what they all think of me. Maybe even find out which of them tried to find me.”

She looked confused.

“I wanna get everybody together. The... way we used to. To hang out and talk. I don't know.”

She shook her head, “We've tried that twice. And both times it ended up very badly.”

“It'll be different this time,” he assured her.

“How?”

“You're hosting, not me.”

“Josh, I'm not sure this is the best idea.”

“Sam listen,” Josh took her hands in his, “Spending time with you has made me feel awesome and it's made me realize how much I miss you... uh all of you I mean. And then things went so well with Chris and Ash. I just want the chance to make things better with everybody. To... to get my friends back.”

Her eyes were full of so much sympathy and compassion. She gripped his hands tightly and bit her lip. She was looking directly into his eyes. He tried so hard to convey through them what he meant, and what he needed. He needed her to understand why this was important. Why he had to do this. Thankfully it seemed like she did.

“Alright, if it's that important to you. We'll try it okay. I'll call everyone up and invite them out.”

\---

Josh thought he might start peeling off his own skin as he sat there waiting in Mike’s apartment across from the man himself. Sam still lived at home but had assured Josh that Mike's place was big enough to accommodate everyone. He had more furniture too and a great minibar. She was in the kitchen playing hostess, getting food ready even though no guests were set to arrive for at least another half hour.

The dog at Mike’s feet didn't like him. It kept glaring his way and baring it's teeth. Mike was certainly a little warmer. He had shaken his hand when he had come in and offered him a drink. They still sat in the living room in almost complete silence however. Had the two of them really been good buddies at one point? What had he and Mike even talked about when they were teenagers? Wait that's right, girls. He and Mike talked about girls. More specially the ones they were banging or had banged or were planning to bang. Yeah, considering Mike's current girlfriend was his old fuckbuddy Josh didn't think the old standard was gonna work in his favor that day.

“Sam tells me you're working in politics now,” Josh finally said to break the quiet. He really hated when things were quiet.

“Yeah, I'm doing some personal assistant stuff up at the mayor's office. Learning the ropes so maybe I can run for a lesser office in a few years.”

“That sounds cool.” Josh wasn't sure how he felt about the idea that Mike might soon be representing him in government, but then he remembered he didn't vote anyway so it probably wasn't that important.

“So, you're working in the movie business?”

“Just lugging equipment around and setting up effects. But I mean who knows, you know.”

Josh felt like he almost preferred the silence. Almost. Sam entered the room then. She looked like she was confused as to which place she should sit. The loveseat with Mike or the couch with Josh. The three of them stood there in some kind of weird limbo for who knows how long both guys looking at Sam and her looking between them. No one said anything and the only noise was the dog whining by Mike's feet. The buzzer was like a Godsend for all of them. Sam rushed over to press the intercom.

“Hey, who's there?”

“Yo yo Sam, we're here. Can you let us up?”

Oh thank god, Chris and Ashley showed up. The time it took them to make it up to the apartment felt like an eternity. Josh was relieved when Sam opened the door after they knocked. They came in like they had done it many times before. Mike stood up and almost joyously jogged over to greet them both. 

“Well, hello there Mr. and Mrs. Aarons,” Mike said teasingly as he reached out and shook Chris' hand in an overly friendly manner. Then the two men hugged briefly before Chris turned to help Ash take off her sweater, “Damn, she's got you so domesticated I'm not sure why you're bothering with a wedding.”

“Ha ha you're hilarious,” Chris said hanging up his fiance's sweater, “You just wait. Sam here will have you shackled down in no time, my friend.”

Ashley leaned away from where she was hugging Sam, “Yeah because Sam's the one who needs to make sure she doesn't lose such a great catch and not the other way around.”

“I know right?” Sam laughed, “Ash, that man of yours doesn't know me at all. Mike and I will skipping the ball and chain accessories, thank you very much.”

“Are they saying that I'm not marriage material?” Mike asked looking at Chris incredulously.

“Well, Mike some guys got it...” Chris started but Mike punched him in the arm before he could finish. Chris laughed when he did.

“Yeah, how about you and I get drinks and let the ladies sit down, ya pussy-whipped nerd,” Mike said leading Chris out of the room and towards the kitchen. That's when Chris noticed Josh for the first time.

“Oh, hey man,” Chris said and paused so he could go over and mid-five Josh, “I didn't see ya there.”

“Yeah, uh hey,” Josh said. What he had witnessed at the door made him feel weirdly jealous. It seemed like a lot of people had gotten close to Mike in his absence. Apparently Mr. Munroe was screwing Sam and had become all buddy-buddy with Chris too. Why didn't he just move into the Washington mansion while he was at it? Bob and Melinda would certainly like him better than they did their actual son.

“Sorry about all the couple stuff,” Chris said awkwardly but still apologetically, “We all double date together a bunch.”

“Nah, it's cool.” It really wasn't.

The two women had settled themselves on the loveseat Mike had vacated. Mike must have decided to go get drinks on his own because he was nowhere to be seen. Chris sat on the far end of the couch from him. Josh realized this was the first time he felt uncomfortable with his supposed best friend. Sam and Mike he got, he wasn't crazy about the idea (and that was putting it extremely mildly), but he at least understood it. They were both bold, and sexual and sarcastic. They were both playful, energetic and active. Neither of them liked fighting and drama. They were both good looking and fun in the same kinda way. A connection could be formed there, easily.

But what the hell could Chris and Mike have to even talk about? They were both funny, but in vastly different ways. Chris didn't think about women the way Mike did so he doubted they talked about their sex lives. They were both smart but used it for entirely separate purposes and focused their minds in practically opposite places. They had no common interests, no common hobbies, no common ground. Chris was a nice guy and Mike was an asshole. This was who replaced him. Fucking Micheal Munroe!

Mike came back into the room with drinks for Chris and Ashley. Then he sat between Chris and Josh. Somewhere in Josh's mind this all started to feel like a plan. First Mike took his sisters away from him, then he took the girl he wanted for himself and finally he took his best friend. It had made sense for all of a minute in his head. Mike turned to him.

“I hear you're gonna be best man at the wedding,” he said to him, “That's cool. Did you know that Sam is the maid of honor?”

“No... I ...I didn't,” Josh said looking over at Sam and then back at Mike.

“Yeah,” Chris added, “Nat was pretty mad about it, but Ashley said she had to pick Sam. It felt right.”

“That means you're gonna be together a lot that day,” Mike continued looking stern, “So, I don't know, be nice I guess. I'm putting a lot of trust in you, man. I don't want to regret that. She matters to me.”

He hated how sincere Mike sounded when he said that. It sounded like it was true. It made his heart sink how genuine Mike sounded and all the affection he looked at Sam with when he said it. Josh didn't want to admit it, but he had hoped that maybe what Mike and Sam had wasn't all that serious. He had hoped that maybe it wasn't really anything special. He had hoped they were together out of comfort or convenience and nothing more meaningful than that. He had hoped that maybe what the two of them had together wasn't love.

Josh really shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.

“She matters to me too,” Josh assured him noticing that Chris looked very awkward behind Mike.

“Good,” Mike said as they heard the buzzer go off again. Mike went to answer it this time. It was a male voice on the other end so it must have been Matt, but Josh wasn't really listening to what was being said between the two. Chris had moved to Mike's spot. He patted Josh on the back soothingly the way he did when they were still considered kids.

“I'm sorry, bro,” Chris said and Josh looked at him confused. Chris glanced over at Sam then looked at the ceiling with a shrug. Josh wasn't sure how, but Chris knew he had been holding out hope for Sam. That's when Josh understood that Mike would never be to Chris what Josh was to him, no matter what.

He wished that could do more for his aching heart than it did.

\---

It was hard to comprehend the fact that his old friends were sitting together in one place. Emily and Jess had arrived within moments of one another and come into the apartment as a pair. Seeing the two of them side by side again smiling and talking had made Josh think he must have stepped back in time.

Things weren't exactly at ease. The three new guests didn't know what to say or how to react to him, but thankfully everybody else was there as a buffer which is what he was hoping for when he asked for this. He watched them all discretely when they didn't talk to him, which was often. Emily and Jess were settled close together on the loveseat, Mike resting on his Big Joe beanbag at their feet with the dog. Jess was animatedly telling them a story, probably about her latest charity endeavor because he found out that was what she did for work. Emily kept rolling her eyes and sighing but Josh could tell she was enjoying it. Mike would interject with a witty comment here and there. Chris was still next to him at one end of the couch and was talking to him the most out of everyone, which he had expected to be the case, but he appreciated it all the same. Ashley was curled on the other end with her feet resting in Chris' lap talking quietly with Matt who was longing in the easy chair. He would laugh gently every few moments or ask her a question. Sam carried out her tray with a smile. She had made little finger sandwiches for everybody and had gone into the kitchen to fetch them once everyone was there. 

“So who wants grub?” she announced placing the tray on the coffee table before joining Mike on the beanbag on the side by Josh's feet. She pulled a smaller plate off the tray presumably with vegan sandwiches just for her then motioned for everyone to help themselves.

“Ooh me,” Jess chimed up grabbing one, “I'm famished.”

Despite this she still took those little tiny bites she was known to do. Nibbling like a small animal. This was insanely cute. Mike scooped up a few of his own and planted a wet kiss on Sam's forehead. This was less cute.

“Thanks, babe,” he said before biting in.

“No offense Sam, but I'm feeling a little too sick for it, which means Chris probably won't be eating anything either,” Ashley said, kicking Chris playfully.

“I'm an empathetic partner,” he explained knocking her foot away, “we'll eat together later.”

“Well, I trust your culinary chops, Sam,” Matt piped up after reaching for his own food.

“Me too, unlike some of us,” Josh said shooting the couple next to him a fake stern look as he grabbed food for himself.

“Be nice,” Sam warned hitting Josh's leg playfully. He gently hit her shoulder with his knee in return. It wasn't flirting, they were teasing each other. It was something they always did and it wasn't weird to do.

“Oh my god, have any of you grown up at all?” Emily said before taking a long sip of her drink. Anyone who didn't know her would think she was upset with them. Anyone who did understood that well that was just Emily.

“Hey, I'll have you know I have grown a full inch since the last time I saw all you punks and look at how buff Matt is or how bloated Chris got? Growing does not seem to be an issue here Em,” he said the whole thing with a lot of mock offense. Giggling burst forth from Sam's mouth and she choked a bit on her food. She ended up leaning on his leg for support. Emily rolled her eyes as she was prone to do. Jess giggled as well placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

“Josh has a point,” Jess said, “I can't believe how different we all look.”

Josh marveled at that. Jess was certainly one to talk. Not only had she evidently turned down the plastic surgery offered to her after the incident she had done nothing outside of but exercise since. Sam was toned but Jess was well-fit. She had abs and biceps and everything. She was as buff as Matt was at least who Josh learned was playing football professionally. Not in the NFL, but in something a little smaller than that. Much like himself she had also tanned quite a bit from her time outside. 

Mike, Emily and Ashley all looked pretty much the same though. Experience had aged them sure, Ashley had lines on her face now, Mike kept himself looking far more professional, and Emily had longer hair. They hardly looked any different to him. He had a bad memory though. They could have looked the most different of all. He wondered if he looked different to them. He must.

“That's what growing up does to ya, Jess,” Matt said leaning back in his chair. Josh looked over to him. He was big and buff alright, but his eyes and smile were still the softest of any man Josh had ever met. His voice was still perpetually friendly and he had an easy honest nature about him. He wondered how grown up Matt could be if the world hadn't taken that from him yet.

“Ugh,” Ashley moaned, “I do not feel like a grown-up.”

“You're getting married!” Emily chastised, “You don't get too much more adult than that.”

“She makes a good point, Ash,” Chris said with a laugh.

“No,” Sam said leaning a little on Josh's leg, “I get what she means. Sometimes it's hard to believe we aren't teenagers anymore. That we made it this far. That we got to make it this far...”

She had trailed off there. They all knew what she meant. She was talking about Hannah and Beth. She was talking about the Wendigoes. Josh remembered the monster that had once been his little sister. The monster that dragged him off into the mines. The mines he had barely made it out of when park rescue found him. He was lucky to be here. They all were. He got the sense from the way they all went quiet that much like him they did like to think about it. They didn't talk about it with each other. At least not so casually.

“Well,” Mike suddenly announced, “Who needs a drink refill? Matt? Emily?” Then he was on his feet and over at the bar before anyone could really answer him. He felt Sam put her hand on his knee and he dropped his hand to rest on top of it. Emily made a sad strangled kind of noise and everybody turned to look at her. She looked like she might cry. Jess reached out and wrapped her arms around the other girl. Slowly they all looked away from them minds wandering. Josh was staring at his hand in Sam's as if he was trying to memorize it though he wasn't sure if that was the real reason. She squeezed his hand briefly before she hopped up to follow Mike. Ashley had sat up and leaned her head against Chris' in the meantime. He returned the gesture placing his hands on her shoulders. Josh looked over at Matt. The other guy motioned with his head towards the hall. Josh nodded and they got up to head that way.

Once in the small hall with Matt and away from the others Josh let out a little sigh of relief. That had been a little weird. Or even a lot weird. From the look on Matt's face he felt more or less the same way.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Matt said, “I always feel rude walking out by myself.”

“No issue,” Josh assured him before asking, “Is that normal?”

Matt nodded a little, “Ashley and Emily are still pretty emotional about everything that happened and Mike doesn't like to talk about it with anybody. He usually runs out of the room whenever it comes up. Sam's pretty good at chasing him down though.”

“What about you?” Josh asked feeling more like he should ask rather than he wanted to.

“Some days are harder than others,” Matt answered with a shrug, “Most days are good.”

Josh nodded. That was a feeling he understood completely. Then he realized he was alone with Matt and the question he had been dying to know the answer to since his parents brought it up shot to the front of his mind and spilled forth from his mouth, “Did you ever try to contact me?”

“Huh?” Matt asked looking confused.

“Did you ever try to get in touch with me?” Josh clarified, “After I was released from prison? Did any of you? I mean do you know?”

“Oh.” Matt looked a little awkward. “Yeah, Emily and I each sent you letters because our counselors thought it was a good idea. The first were a little mean but they got nicer as time went on. I remember Mike sending you one too now that I think about it. And I know Jessica stopped by your place a few times trying to get you to come out to some of her volunteer events and maybe talk things out with her. I heard that Chris and Ash tried calling your cell and your house phone and even your parents cells too, but I guess all your old numbers are disconnected. So we all figured you wanted to be left alone.”

There was his answer. All of them. All of them had tried. All of them, except for Sam. Even Mike had sent him a letter. It was probably filled with “Fuck yous”, “Go to hells” and “I hate yous” but he had not forgotten Josh. It sounded like Jess tried the hardest. That should make him happy. That they had all reached out to him in some shape or form. In a tiny way it did. It didn't throw him off balance like it had when he learned it from his parents, but it didn't make him happy in the way he thought it should. Because he could only think of one stupid question.

If nobody else had given up on him, then why the hell had Sam?

\---

“Are you sure you guys can't stick around any longer?” Sam asked Chris and Ashley. The others had already headed out earlier. Matt needed to get to his parents' place before it got too late and Emily had offered to give Jess a ride home.

“Sorry Sam, but we really need to get home, eat something and get to bed,” Ashley answered as she hugged Sam goodbye.

“See you really soon,” Chris said going in for his own goodbye hug with Sam.

“Alright, let's hit the highway,” Ashley said to Chris pulling him out the door. He waved back at Sam, Mike, and Josh and then all their friends were gone. The comfortable air they had been able to establish seem to go out the door with them. The three of them sat in limbo together for some time. Until Josh stood up and stretched very dramatically.

“So, you want me to call a cab or do you think maybe one of you could take me home?” he asked realizing he should have asked Chris and Ash for a ride before they left. Mike and Sam exchanged a look that clearly showed they had very different answers to that question. Mike sighed heavily.

“I'll take you home Josh. Come on,” Sam said leading him out the door. Josh followed her, giving Mike a small awkward wave goodbye as he did so. He in turn gave Josh a tight smile and tense wave back. Josh followed Sam down the stairs to where her car was parked in silence. He had ridden in her car so much at this point when he got in he felt like the seat was already adjusted for him. The radio was still tuned to the last station he left it on too.

“Mike's not very fond of me anymore huh?” he asked Sam once they were on the road. She shrugged.

“Well, everybody else seems alright with you,” Sam said, “And can you really blame Mike?”

“Depends,” he answered, “Is it because of the prank I pulled or because I used to sleep with you?”

“That's not funny,” she said and she was clearly offended.

“I'm not joking,” he said because he wasn't, “I was genuinely asking. Does he not trust me because of the things I did on Blackwood Pines mountain or because he knows that we used to be fuckbuddies?”

She didn't answer him right away.

“The Blackwood Pines thing obviously,” she decided.

“But you aren't sure about that are you?” Because she didn't sound sure. He wasn't sure himself. In fact he didn't even know if Mike was sure on that fact.

“Mike's not a jealous guy,” Sam said and he wondered again which of them she was trying to convince.

“The guy who fucked Emily after dumping her because he couldn't stand that she was with Matt?”

“That was a long time ago.”

“People don't change that much.”

Sam slammed on her brakes and pulled over. She parked the car and glared at him. She looked angry.

“What is your problem?” she asked loudly, “Why are you being such a jerk all of a sudden?”

“Because your boyfriend is a douche,” he told her point blank.

“Josh!” she said in warning for him to stop and he should have, but he was equally as angry.

“He is!” Josh yelled, “Acting like I'm gonna break you or some shit. Like you can't handle yourself.”

“He's worried. He's allowed that,” she yelled back, “You did some messed up crap remember?”

“He's not worried. He's jealous and just because you're too naïve to see that doesn't mean it isn't true.”

“Jealous of what, Josh?” Sam demanded.

“That we used to fuck!” he yelled, “That you're spending your time and your energy on a guy who has fucked you. He might think we're still fucking. He might think we're fucking right now.”

“Why do you bring this up all the time?” she moaned as if she was very tired, “Can't you just move passed it? Can't you just move on? We've had sex. Big deal! Why does that matter so much to you?”

“Because what happened between you and me should matter to someone!” he shouted getting out of her car as he did, “And considering you never tried to find out what happened to me after I got out of prison it's pretty clear where you stand on the topic.”

He slammed her passenger side door shut and started walking the four or so blocks left to get to his apartment. He thought it spoke for itself that Sam turned her car around and drove back to Mike's place instead of following him. She had made her choice already. This just cemented it.

Maybe Josh should have gone to see his parents instead.


	10. Sam v. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this and the last chapter are the turning points of this story. Things should all be winding down after this. 
> 
> Please tell me somebody saw Emily/Jess coming because I think I made it pretty damn obvious it was going to happen. I tried to at least.
> 
> Sam is nosy and demanding. These are two parts of her character I feel always gets ignored in stories that have her so I try to highlight them.

Sometimes Sam wondered if maybe she got too invested in other people's lives.

She would never say that she tried to change Hannah, but she was always encouraging her to do more. Hannah was timid while Sam was bold. Hannah was overly polite where Sam deemed rudeness a necessary part of life. Hannah saw the world through rose-tinted glasses and Sam was just a bit more cynical than that. Sam was always willing to try new things and Hannah was found of the familiar. Sam craved adventure and Hannah wanted comfort. They were the epitome of the phrase opposites attract. Sam often thought that whatever it was Hannah saw in her was the same thing Hannah had seen in Mike.

The two of them had had one very distinct thing in common that had overridden all of the differences in their friendship though. They were both hopeless romantics. Now Hannah's idea of romance and Sam's idea of romance differed greatly but they both had parents who had been together a long time and had romantic coming together stories. (Bob Washington had seen Melinda on a subway stop in New York and was so spellbound by her he followed her for multiple stops passed his own for the chance to speak with her and Sam's mother Jane had been working as a waitress and wrote her number on her mother Molly's check upon overhearing that she had just broken up with her girlfriend, she didn't call her for a week). The girls were both saps for the idea of true love. Up until Hannah had gone missing.

In all honesty it wasn't weird that Emily was staying with Jess at her place the weeks leading up to the wedding. The weird part was she seemed to go everywhere that Jess went. Whenever Sam called her Emily was in the background. Whenever Sam stopped by Emily was there, and if Jess wasn't there then neither was Emily. They were always together. They had even left both the bridal shower and Mike's place together she recalled. She wondered if they had shown up together to the former. She's not sure even her and Mike or Chris and Ashley were around each other as much as the two of them were.

That's why it wasn't a shock when Emily showed up with Jess for bridesmaid dress fitting even though she wasn't part of the wedding party. Ashley only had two other bridesmaids, Jess and her sister, Nat. She would have asked Emily too, if Chris knew enough guys for her to have someone to walk down the aisle with (he really hated his step-brother, Brian). She had to have Nat do it too especially considering Sam had already “taken her place” as maid of honor.

Emily and Jess entered the boutique together laughing loudly after Nat had gone to the bathroom. Emily looked a lot less done up than she usually was, and her hair was up in a messy bun. It was a very relaxed look for her. Jess looked like she always did. Simple, but cute. They sat themselves next to Sam and Ashley falling all over each other giddily.

“Hey, guys,” Ashley said just as unsurprised as Sam was to see them together.

“Hey,” they chimed together still giggling.

“So uh what's up with you two?” Sam asked spying their closeness and the way they kept touching each other. Had they been like this before?

“Sorry,” Emily said as Jess covered her mouth with her hand, “Inside joke, you wouldn't get it.”

“Oh,” Jess said suddenly grabbing Emily's hand out of her lap, “Emily had the best idea. We should all four go to lunch together after this!” Emily was nodding along happily, she and Jess holding hands still.

“Yeah,” Ashley said, “Sure, Nat has to head back over to her school to study soon anyway. Sam, are you free?”

“Yeah,” Sam said turning to look at Ashley briefly before looking back at the other two, “I took the whole day just in case.”

“Yay,” Jess said clapping her hands, “I know the perfect place.”

Then Emily whispered in her ear and Jess pushed her off playfully. Sam looked back at Ashley who didn't seem to notice anything and was keeping an eye out for her sister. She wondered if she really could be that oblivious (it did take her five years to hook up with Chris, who had come barely short of drooling all over her). Because Sam wasn't sure she had ever seen such blatant flirting in her life.

\---

The girls were looking at different model dresses because Ashley didn't feel comfortable picking other people's clothes so she said they should all pick together. She also thanked Emily for coming and added that she'd be a good extra opinion. They were only picking bridesmaids dresses, Ashley had picked her dress out forever ago. Her only rule was the dresses had to be blue. Green and blue were her wedding colors and the groomsmen were wearing green.

“Can you believe Ashley picked hers and Chris' favorite colors to be her wedding colors?” Jess asked Sam as they helped each other put on the different dresses they had chosen to model, “Could she be anymore adorable?”

“She could flirt the way you and Emily do,” Sam answered. Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up, but Sam could be nosy. She wanted to know what the deal was and if they all went to lunch later this might be her only time alone with Jessica.

“What are you talking about?” Jess asked once Sam's dress was fastened and then turned around so Sam could do the same for her. Sam rolled her eyes at Jess in the mirror in front of them.

“I'm not blind Jess, I know what I saw out in the lobby,” Sam told her tying her dress and hoping it wasn't the one everybody picked because she wasn't sure she'd be able to undo this thing without help, “That was flirting. Is something going on with you two? Is that why she's staying with you?”

“No,” Jess said as Sam finished and stepped aside so they could both look at themselves and fix their hair a a little, “She's looking for work here because she doesn't like living in San Francisco. She misses L.A. and her family and all of us. I told her she could crash with me until she finds a job. You know how her mother drives her crazy when they're under the same roof for too long.”

Sam nodded, she did know. Emily's mom made Emily look like a gentle breeze and when you got the two in one space the fighting could be catastrophic. That still didn't explain the closeness though. Or the going out together all the time. Or the giggling and the whispering.

“Are you sure that's all it is?” Sam asked putting a lilt on her sentence. Jess sighed.

“What do you want me to say, Sam? We're close. We've always been close. Like you and Hannah were or like you and Josh are now. That's just how we are.” Neither of those comparisons lessened Sam's suspicions even a little bit.

“We have dresses to show off,” Jess reminded her, grabbing her hands. Jess moved to pull her out of the fitting room they were sharing together, but Sam pulled her back. She looked Jess in the eyes and sighed gripping her tighter than she meant to.

“Jess, my life has been a little crazy lately,” Sam told her, “And I've had to keep secrets from people and I'm really tired of it. Now none of that is your fault, but I'm tired Jess. Please I just care about you and Emily and if something is going on I want to know. Promise that what you told me is it.”

“Fine,” Jess said in defeat, “We were gonna tell you and Ash at lunch anyway so whatever.”

“Tell us what?” Sam said as Jess released her and collapsed in a nearby chair.

“Look everything I told you was true,” Jess said looking away from Sam and blushing even as she sat by her in another chair, “Only I left some stuff out is all.”

“Like what?” Sam asked leaning forward. Jess was picking at her nails.

“Emily and I are sorta living together,” Jess admitted, “Because we've been seeing each other and can't take doing the long distance thing anymore.”

That had not been what Sam was expecting Jess to say.

“So, she has a few interviews for some jobs in the city and she's been staying with me,” Jess said and was smiling shyly now, “It's just not temporary.”

“Emily has moved in with you?” Sam asked, “Like as your girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Jess said with a little nod. She looked giddy. Sam figured something had been going on, but she figured that maybe they slept together while Emily was staying there or they were thinking about it. Sam thought maybe they were thinking of dating. She didn't think she would discover that they had a whole secret relationship.

“How long have you two been a couple?” Sam asked. Her mouth was going dry from hanging open.

“Like five or six months,” Jess confessed.

“You two have been together for six months and didn't tell any of us,” Sam almost shouted, “Why?”

“Shh,” Jess said before she explained, “We hooked up when Em visited during Easter and didn't want to make a big deal out of it until we were sure. You remember how everybody was with you and Mike. Plus with the wedding so close we didn't want Chris and Ash to feel weird if we broke up or something and then not invite one of us or anything like that. We needed to figure this out in our time.”

“Well, why couldn't I know then?” Sam asked.

“With your mouth?” Jess scoffed, “Chris or Ash or Mike would have known in less than a week.”

“Hey, I can keep secrets!” Sam asserted then added in her head that Jess and Emily still didn't know that she had been hooking up with Josh three years ago. That upset her. She had sent Josh an apology text when she got back to Mike's after they fought saying she didn't want things to get bad between them again. He had responded with a simple 'That's fine.'

“Whatever,” Jess said standing up and fixing her dress, “If that's true then don't tell Em I told you already and act surprised at lunch, okay? She's gonna be really mad if she finds out I spilled early.”

“I can do that,” Sam agreed standing up to fix her own dress. She looked over at Jess and remembered how she had been when she came in and when she had shown up at the shower. Even now the girl looked like she was practically glowing. One might think they were getting ready for her wedding she looked so elated and giddy. She twirled a few times in the mirror and Sam wondered where her mind was because it certainly wasn't in the fitting room with them.

“Hey, Jess,” Sam asked as they started for the door again, “Are you happy?”

“Yeah,” Jess said leading her out of the room, “I'm very, very happy.”

And Sam had seen that look on Jess' face before. She saw it every time Ashley looked at Chris. Suddenly she wondered if she was the one with the problem.

\---

Turns out Jess had nothing to be worried about. Emily was just as excited as she was about the news because they walked out in the middle of her admitting it to Ashley and making the other girl promise not to say anything. Nat looked pretty out of place as Ashley hugged Emily in celebration, already going on about how cute their own wedding was going to be.

“Emily,” Jess scolded playfully, “You told Ash. We agreed we would tell them together.”

“I know love. I'm sorry,” Emily said though she didn't sound sorry, “But you two were taking forever in there and we were running out of things to talk about. Forgive me?”

“I guess,” Jess said before she leaned down close to Emily and impishly half-whispered, “Because I told Sam in the fitting room.”

“You bitch!” Emily laughed pulling her down further for a kiss. They seemed very happy to be able to do it in public. Ashley squealed in glee and clapped her hands. Sam had to admit they were pretty cute.

\---

They ended up picking Jess' model though Sam thinks that might have had something to do with the judges being biased, one being Jess' girlfriend and the other being high off having found out that the two were dating. Jess had good taste though, the dress was short, strapless, baby blue, had little fancy gloves and a shawl. Sam was just going to need Mike's help getting both in and out of the thing.

Afterward Nat, who like Sam was in school, headed out and the four of them set out on their mission to go get food together. Jess picked an Italian place that she had heard great things about. They sat outside because it was still nice enough outside for it. Once they ordered drinks and an appetizer for the table, they all looked at their menus and fell into a comfortable silence. Emily and Jess were back to their giggling only there would be a gentle touch and little kiss added here or there. Ashley elbowed Sam at one point and made a face that conveyed, 'Aren't they so sweet?' Sam nodded because she was really happy for them. If someone had told her in high school this is how the two girls were going to end up she's not sure she would have believed them. But seeing them together like this, the way Jess tucked Emily's hair behind her ear and then ran her finger down her cheek as they looked over the same menu and the way Emily whispered to Jess with her eyes half-closed and her mouth barely moving, it seemed to make complete sense.

“We don't do this enough,” Jess said after they had all decided and were waiting on their waiter.

“Yeah,” Ashley agreed, “We should hang out more. Just the girls.”

“Well, that might be a little strange now all things considered,” Sam said wiggling her eyebrows at Emily and Jess. Emily rolled her eyes and Jess giggled.

“We're the same people Sam,” Jess told her as she grabbed Emily's hand, “We're just a couple now.”

“It's not that different than you and Mike,” Emily said, “Or Ashley and Chris. We're just way hotter and way better at everything.”

“Emily!” Jess cried out, though she was laughing.

“No, it's okay,” Sam reassured her, “Have you met the men that Ashley and I paired ourselves up with? You two clearly chose best here.” That made all of them giggle. Then Ashley let out a sigh.

“Wow,” she said, “I suddenly realized, we're all in pretty serious relationships huh? I mean Chris and I are getting married and Jess and Emily are living together and then Sam and Mike have been together for almost a year.”

“Yeah,” Jess agreed, “I guess you're right. Not bad for a couple of ladies in their early twenties huh?”

The conversation didn't go further than that because the waiter arrived to take their orders. When he did the topic moved on to what kind of work Emily was looking for now that she was back home. Sam was only half-listening. What Ashley had said was bothering her. All of them were in serious relationships. They were all committed to someone. Jess and Emily and Ashley and Sam. She had been included in that group of girls who had settled down, or were taking the steps towards it. That didn't sit right with her for some reason.

Problem was Sam couldn't figure out if it was because she didn't feel like it was true enough and wanted it to be or because it felt too real and she didn't like the idea of that at all.

\---

The bottom line was handle Josh or handle Mike first and lord help her she hoped Josh would be easier.

That's why she was banging on his door at seven thirty that night before even checking to see if he was home. She didn't like this neighborhood and she didn't like this apartment, but they were going to settle this and they were going to settle it on her terms. Which meant when she wanted to and she wanted to do it now. She couldn't see a light on under the door, but that didn't mean anything. Josh liked the dark and she often came over to the mansion to find the whole place dark except for maybe one lamp in his room on the third floor.

“Josh,” she called banging harder even though at this point it was obvious he wasn't home, “Josh, open your door. We need to talk. Josh!”

She kicked his door in anger before sitting down next to it frustrated. She hit her head against the wall a few times. She wasn't ready for Mike. She had to do Josh first. She could go home, but her moms were still in the dark about this whole Josh thing and she wasn't sure she could keep it together today. She sat there for awhile wondering what her next move should be. If she should call him or just wait or what. She was about to give up when she saw Josh coming towards her from down the hall with a brown shopping bag in his hands and his phone between his head and shoulder. He was talking loudly.

“Why does it have to be green?” he was saying seeming confused, “What the hell is that? You know never mind. At this point I'm sure half the stuff you say to me is made-up.”

He almost stepped on her and that's when he noticed she was there. They looked at each other for a long time before he leaned into his phone and said, “Listen Chris, I have to go. They delivered the Sam look-a-like sex robot I ordered from amazon and I think it might be busted.”

She heard Chris' baffled cries from the other end of his phone right before he hung up and put it away in his pocket. He kept looking at her as she scrambled to her feet. His phone was ringing but he was ignoring it. It was probably Chris calling him back.

“Hey,” she said brushing herself off.

“Hey,” he answered, “Why are you here?”

“I thought we should talk,” she told him.

“Why didn't you text me or something then?” he asked as he walking passed her to unlock his door.

“I thought this was important and I didn't know if you'd answer me,” she said as he opened his door and motioned for her to head inside. She walked in and he followed.

“So you thought the best thing to do was sit by my door and wait for me to come home?” he asked as he headed in his kitchen and placed his bag on the new table.

“I wasn't going to wait indefinitely,” she said defensively as he began to put his few groceries away. Nearly everything went into the freezer.

“Uh-huh,” he said, “Okay, well, what do you want to talk about?”

“Josh,” she started sitting down at his new kitchen table, “I'm really sorry about the other night.”

“You've said that,” he answered as he finished with his groceries and went get his medications. He put something in the microwave and filled a glass with water. She waited but he didn't say anything else. He swallowed down his pills and drank down half the glass.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Okay,” he responded.

“This is usually the part where the other person says, 'I'm sorry too,'” she told him flinging out her hands a little towards him.

“Should I be sorry?” he asked.

“For insulting my boyfriend?” she cried out, “Yes, you should.”

“I didn't insult your boyfriend,” Josh defended leaning forward on the table, “I asked why he was upset we were hanging out and you refused to believe it was maybe because he was jealous.”

“Then you yelled at me and stormed out of my car,” she retorted. She was getting angry again as the microwave went off. He backed off from her and looked guilty. He went to get his food. He dropped it on the table and sat down across from her.

“Fine,” he said mixing whatever the dish was with his fork, “I'm sorry for doing that.”

He sounded like he meant that at least. They sat in silence for a minute while Josh ate his food and Sam traced the designs on the table with her finger. 

“I was mad,” he said with his mouth filled with food, “Mike was treating me like I was threat and then I found out something about you that kinda ticked me off more and I wanted to get a rise out of you. I'm sorry okay?”

“Okay,” she answered and she could have left it there, but this was Josh so of course she kept pushing, “What did you find out?”

He stirred his food again and took a large bite before answering, “Everybody tried to contact me. Everybody did, Sam. Some of them even tried more than once. Everybody tried though, except you.”

“Oh,” she said. She hadn't known that. Everyone had pretty much decided that their relationships with Josh were their own business and that they shouldn't meddle in each others' healing process. That's what they all agreed. She had assumed someone's process other than her own would include cutting Josh out completely. She had been wrong.

“And I.... I can't seem to figure out why,” he continued, “We were close. I shared everything with you. I told you things I never even told my sisters, or Chris. We've made love, Sam. And it wasn't just sex. You know that and I know that and thinking differently is stupid. We were important to each other. And I just don't see how you could walk away from me like I was nothing.”

“I have to go,” she said standing up and heading for the door. She hadn't expected this. She should have done Mike first. This had been a mistake.

“Sammy,” Josh said as he stood and followed her, “Please don't go.”

“No,” she yelled when he got close to her, “This isn't fair, Josh. None of this has ever been fair to me.”

“You wanted to talk,” he reminded her. She felt bad when he did because he was right, she brought this on herself. She could have walked away from him at anytime. She always could and yet she never did.

“You want to know why I didn't try to find out what happened to you?” she screamed pointing an accusatory finger in his face, “Because you left me and that wasn't fair. I learn that you might love me and then you were gone. I didn't know what to do with that, Josh. I didn't know where I supposed to take that. So I did nothing with it. I ignored it and I ignored you because there was simply nothing else to do. What did you want from me? To sit around and not live my life and pine for you while you were away in prison? To wait for you?”

“Of course not!” he shouted then, “Okay maybe a little, but not really.”

Then he calmed down and stepped into her space. He took her shoulders in his hands and she crossed her arms but didn't step away. He was so much taller and wider than she was. It scared her a little. He could hurt her if he wanted to, but he wouldn't. How could she trust that he wouldn't? She had lost all of her sense. He had leaned down so their faces were at the same height level. He was looking right into her eyes and god those perfect oh-so-unique green eyes of his.

“Sam,” he said quietly, “I didn't plan any of that. I was never going to tell you that I love you.”

“What?” she answered back equally as quiet. He must have misspoken.

“I wasn't going to tell you,” he repeated not understanding her confusion.

“No,” she corrected dropping her arms to her sides, “You said, 'I love you.' not 'I loved you.'”

Josh stood up hands still on her shoulders, “Yeah, I know.”

“Josh,” she started not sure where she was going. He loved her. He was confirming that for her. No lies, no bullshit, no pretending. It did strange things to her heart. She felt hot and sweaty and nervous. She felt butterflies in her stomach and ice in her chest. She was aware of every part of herself and how close it was to every part of him. She couldn't think of what else to say until finally she said, “Mike.”

He nodded so she hoped he understood because she didn't. Sam pulled away from him and headed out the door before Josh could see her crying.


	11. Josh v. Ashley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all is said and done, they really are friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not thrilled with this chapter. I wanted an Ashley and Josh chapter and this is how it turned out. Parts of it are cliche and sitcomy and I don't like that. I hope that the relationship I envision between Ashley and Josh, which is the meat of this chapter, overrides that though.
> 
> I hope no one is seeing Mike as a bad guy, I'm trying to make his side of things clear and show that what Josh is doing isn't fair to him really. He and Josh being passive-aggressive was fun to write.
> 
> Also there were hints for this reveal as well. One glaringly obvious one and a few smaller ones. I hope no one is too surprised by the turn this took. Also the reason for Ashley being unaware for so long is hinted at in my story 'The Accomplice. And explained in 'All of the Evidence.'
> 
> Still no beta and while I'm hoping for things I hope that's okay. :P

It wasn't easy to act like it didn't happen. But Josh was an expert at ignoring obvious problems at this point in life so he managed. He just did what he did best; focused on something else entirely. He was lucky too because it happened that he had quite a bit to concentrate on with his two best friends getting married so soon. He and Sam would be okay. They had gotten through worse. They only needed time. It would all work itself out.

He had really thought that up until he was sitting across from Micheal Munroe on the day of the wedding and could swear the man looked like he wanted to leap across the coffee table between them and murder Josh in cold blood. He guessed Sam had told him what had happened. Matt and Chris were also in the room, and were not oblivious to the tension between the two men. They had both quietly started getting dressed while Mike and Josh sat and continued their staring contest.

“So,” Matt said gently, “How about you guys start getting ready, huh?”

“I'll wait for Josh to start,” Mike said, “I'm sure he can't wait for the ceremony.”

“I'm good,” Josh said, “Mike, you can start whenever you like. No need to wait on me.”

“Well, you are the best man,” Mike said, “Which I know you're absolutely loving.” There was an emphasis on that last word so Sam definitely told him about what happened.

“I'm sorry are you feeling jealous of that, Mike?” Josh asked not at all referring to the fact that he was the best man, “Cause it sounds a little bit like it.”

“Nah,” Mike responded, “I mean you've been in his life a lot longer than I have. Though I'm not sure why you seem to think that counts for so much after everything you've done.” Josh had a strong feeling they weren't really talking about Chris.

“There's no need to trade up when you already have access to the best right?” Josh said with a wink.

“You always did think you were the best at everything, especially one particular thing even when you really weren't.” And Mike just called Josh Sam's inferior lover.

“Are you excited about seeing Emily and Jess, Mike?” Josh asked leaning forward, “How does it feel knowing two of your ex-girlfriends are gay for each other now?”

That was when Chris decided he needed to butt in, “Alright I get that you guys are having some alpha male fight right now, but I do have to get married today so I'd really appreciate it if you could press the pause button on this and get ready seeing as you're both in my wedding party.”

Mike and Josh both looked at Chris who was looking between them like a disappointed parent on a particularly stressful day. Mike shot Josh one last mean glare as he stood up, grabbed his tux and headed into the inn room's small bathroom to change. He apparently wanted to be far away from Josh. Matt went in after him shrugging his vest on as he did. The door banged shut. Chris went back over to the mirror and Josh stood to follow him.

“What the hell is that all about anyway?” Chris asked buttoning his own vest. Josh figured he and Matt had quietly agreed to try and solve this before the ceremony. Josh shrugged looking at his friend in the mirror as he grabbed his tie.

“Take a guess,” Josh said rolling his eyes as Chris started putting on his tie.

“So Sam then?” Chris said as Josh motioned for Chris to turn his way and then started tying Chris' tie for him. Chris hands were shaking too much to do it right.

“What else?” Josh answered, “Guy's a jealous ass.”

“Yeah, right,” Chris agreed sarcastically turning to tighten his tie in the mirror when Josh was finished, “And that is completely unfounded. I mean it's not like you used to casually sleep with his girlfriend and have been harboring deep romantic feelings for her ever since you two called things off.”

“Hey, best friend,” Josh said motioning to himself, “You are supposed to be on my side.”

“Hey, best man,” Chris countered also motioning to Josh, “You are supposed to be getting ready.”

“Oh, it'll be fine,” Josh said leaning on the bed in the room, “You worry too much.”

Then there was a knock on the door and Josh went to answer it despite Chris' complaints that he needed to start getting changed. Sam was on the other side already in her bridesmaids dress and with her hair up in a braid around her head and her make-up done. She looked cute and small. She smiled up at him. He wished she was here to see him.

“Hey, what's up?” he asked leaning on the door, “Looking for Mike or Chris?”

“Neither,” she said looking around nervously, “I came for you actually. Can we talk?”

So wishes can come true. Who knew?

“Sure,” he answered then called back as he left the room, “Hey Chris, I gotta do something. I'll be right back alright? Alright.”

He heard Chris call his name in protest as he shut the door and followed Sam out into the hall. She paced around a little before looking up at him. She kept hitting her hands together and looking up and down the hall. She bit her lip and he could tell she was nervous about something. She looked around a few more times and then she sighed.

“Would you say that you know Ash well?” she asked quietly. First Josh got very confused then he got very worried. He looked at the door to the room where Chris was and pulled Sam further down the hall.

“Yeah, I would,” he answered even quieter than she did and like her he was also checking the hall like crazy because he had a feeling he knew where this was going, “Why?”

“Well, she's locked herself in her room and won't let me back in,” Sam said slowly and Josh let out a deep heavy sigh in relief.

“Sam,” he warned, “Don't scare me like that. I thought you were about to tell me she took off.”

Sam looked even more scared, “You don't think she will do you?”

“No,” Josh assured then he thought on it, “Maybe. Where is her room? We should get there.”

\---

Sam led him to Ashley's door which was as she had said locked tight. They tried knocking but there was no answer. She was in there though. The light was still on (Ashley was too kind to not turn it off before leaving) and Josh could hear someone moving around in there. Josh turned to Sam.

“Who else knows she's locked herself in there?” Josh asked her.

“Nobody,” Sam told him, “Nat and Liz are downstairs helping with set-up and Jess went with Emily to run a last minute errand so it was just the two of us when she locked me out.”

“So, what made you think to come and get me?” he asked pushing his ear against the door. Was she throwing stuff around in there? It sounded like she might be.

“Everybody else is busy and besides,” Sam paused, “You used to be one of her best friends. She won't let me back in. I figured if I couldn't get Chris, because we can't tell Chris, then...”

Josh was struck with an idea, “Oh, that's it. Tell her you went and got Chris.”

Sam's eyes lit up at the suggestion, “Of course.”

Then Sam and Josh traded places so Sam could knock on the door. She knocked hard and called out, “Ashley! Ash listen, I know this is going to upset you, but I didn't know what else to do so I went and I told Chris what was going on. He's here with me.”

The door was thrown open and Ashley appeared. She looked around widely proclaiming, “Oh my gosh, why would you do that?”

Josh didn't give the girl time to realize that their best friend wasn't actually there. He rushed forward and pushed his way into the inn room. Ash saw this, screamed and went to slam the door. Sam was knocked aside in all the confusion and he felt bad about that. He managed to get inside before Ashley got the door shut though. He heard Sam trying to open the door from the outside but Ash was holding the handle shut. Sam banged on it a few times as well. This wasn't really what he had planned, but he supposed it worked out.

Ashley was only in her black leggings and a thin camisole. She was barefoot. It was as if she had decided not to get dressed in the middle of it. Her hair was more of a mess then usual and her make-up wasn't done. She was crying. She looked miserable, gross and nothing like a bride on her wedding day. 

“Josh, get out of my room,” she said waving a hand at the door.

“Okay, but then will you let Sam in?” he asked cautiously, “We're really worried about you.”

“No,” she moaned stomping passed him and falling back on the messy bed in defeat. Sam got the door open since Ashley wasn't holding it closed. She looked between them and Josh motioned wildly for her to shut the door. So she did... with her on the outside. Josh rubbed his head and looked from Ashley to the door a few times wondering what he should do. Ashley was rubbing her face as she tried to stop her tears and then she sat up to look at him.

“I just want to be alone today,” she told him. Josh looked back at the door, hoping Sam would come back through it. When she didn't he stepped closer to Ashley.

“Listen Ash,” he said, “I don't think that's possible. Considering you're getting married today.”

She shook her head, “No, I'm not.”

Josh felt a rock fall into his stomach and a lump form in his throat as he dropped onto the bed with her, “You're not..?”

“I can't marry him,” she said pulling her knees up to her chest, “I can't”

“This isn't...” Josh breathed out heavily, “This isn't because of me is it?”

Thankfully Ashley rolled her eyes at him, “No, it isn't. Hard to believe I know, but not everything is about you all the time.”

“Okay,” he said feeling a little better, “It's cold feet then?”

She scoffed at him when he said that.

“No really,” he continued, “It has to be. I was your best friend for years. I've seen you and Chris when you're together. I've never seen two people more made for one another. You love him Ash. And we all know he loves you. You want the same things out of life and you make each other laugh and smile-”

“Josh, I'm pregnant,” Ashley interrupted. His face fell. That certainly came out of left field. So much for his little pick me up speech. This might actually change some things.

“Oh, well,” he said looking around the room trying to process that bit of information before continuing, “Is it...? I mean is Chris the..?”

Ashley looked angry and offended and she starting hitting him really hard on the arm which honestly had stopped being endearing to him at that point.

“Just because you're an uncontrollable fuckboy doesn't mean we're all sleeping around,” she yelled at him as she continued to hit him then she answered, “Of course it's with Chris! Who else?”

“I don't know!” Josh shouted leaning away from her even after she stopped. Things made less sense to him. He couldn't follow her logic, “I don't get it. If it's Chris' then why can't you marry him?”

She looked at him like he was an idiot, he did not appreciate that, “Have you met Chris?”

“My best friend for almost fifteen years?” Josh retorted, “Yeah, we've met.”

Ashley let out a groan, stood up and started pacing the room, “Okay, so then you know that Chris has basically been planning his life since he was fourteen years old.”

Yeah, that was very true. Chris hated spontaneity, at least to a certain degree. He could handle it in small doses, but that was about it. Chris liked arrangement and plans. He got his homework done on Fridays before he went out and had taken the SATs multiple times in order to make sure he got a perfect score and never bought anything he didn't extensively research first. His room was more organized than any other teenage boy Josh had ever known. Chris had things set for himself monetarily from a pretty young age as well as he started fixing computers and saving before they even got to high school. He could be annoying with all his planning and... Ashley's worries were starting to make sense to Josh.

“Oh,” Josh said understanding, “So, I've never personally had the conversation with Chris about kids, but if I had to guess I'm thinking not until after age thirty once he's got a house and a stable career?”

“Ding, ding,” Ash replied lamely, “Tell the man what he's won.”

“I'm also guessing you want it,” he said as she collapsed back on the bed next to him. He saw her put her hands on her lower stomach causing her camisole to slide up a little bit. He noticed that she had gotten a bellybutton piercing and Josh thought that would look pretty adorable with the tiny baby bump she was sure to get with her slight frame. She shrugged.

“I guess I do, yeah,” she said looking at her belly, “Even if I wasn't raised with all the Catholic guilt BS from my dad. It's Chris. It's part of him. I can't get rid of anything that is even a little bit a part of him.”

“That's sweet, Ash,” he said and he remembered the other thing he liked best about Ashley was the way she looked at the world. He remembered that he liked a lot of things about Ashley, in fact.

“He's gonna be so mad at me,” she said and he saw she was going to cry again. He put his arms around her and held her to him.

“Hey, hey no he isn't,” he said as he rubbed her back. 

“Yes he is,” she said putting her head in his lap and he found himself unconsciously starting to braid parts of her hair, “I'm the one who was on birth control and I'm the one who told him I had this handled and I didn't. I told him he didn't need to worry about it. Turns out he did because I'm so stupid.”

“You're not stupid,” Josh said soothingly, “You messed up. We all mess up. Look at me. My track record's not so great. I'm an ex-con for goodness sakes and my feet are two different sizes.”

He heard her almost laugh when he said that. They sat in silence for a bit until Ashley wasn't crying so much. It was a lot like how it used to be, but not quite. For one thing he held Ashley's head and not the other way around and for another they were sober. But it had been so long he had to ask her something.

“Why do you think your baby picked now to be born?” he asked her because that felt right. The braids in her hair were not any where near the same size of each other. Half of them weren't even completed.

“I think they were too excited about meeting everybody to wait,” she answered in a hiccup and smiled, “Most especially you, Uncle Josh.”

“I get to be Uncle Josh?” he asked smiling down at her. He felt honored and happy.

“Yeah, you get to be Uncle Josh,” she said smiling back up at him. Josh wondered if this is what true forgiveness felt like. Eventually they both pulled the braids gently from her messy red hair before she sat up. She wiped off her face and then stood up. He did too and reached out to hug her. She returned it. When they pulled back he sighed.

“You're right though,” Josh told her, “You can't marry him until after you tell him.”

\---

Josh hadn't expected Chris to be on the other side of Ashley's door when he opened it. Chris seemed annoyed and Josh had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with him. It usually did. He looked around for Sam but she wasn't anywhere in sight. He wondered where she went and what Chris was doing there.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Josh asked opening the door fully to let Chris into the room.

“Why are you in Ashley's room?” was the first thing out Chris' mouth and to be quite fair if their positions were switched it would be the first thing out of Josh's too. He didn't get chance to answer that though because Ashley came up behind him calling out for Sam.

“Oh, hey Chris,” she said spotting her fiance, “I was actually about to come and talk to you.”

From the look on his face as his eyes shifted between the two people other than him in the room, Josh had a guess at what Chris thought that might be about. This was the first time it occurred to Josh that Ash's state of undress and his mysterious disappearance from Chris' room combined looked pretty bad. 

“Uh my dude,” Josh said, “You know anything that happened in here was totally innocent right?”

“I'd like to think that,” Chris answered, “But you have been missing for twenty five minutes and have apparently been alone with my fiance in her room that whole time.”

“Come on man,” Josh defended, “Give me some credit. If I was gonna tag and bag your girl I wouldn't do it on your wedding day.”

Chris crossed his arms and glared at him hard.

“And by that,” Josh amended, “I mean I wouldn't do it at all. Cause you're my bro. My brother. My best friend, Chris. Help me out here, Ash.”

Ashley walked into the doorway where Chris was and Josh retreated further into the room. She looked at Josh and then back at Chris who was looking at her much softer than he had been at Josh. Josh felt a little weird as he looked around the room for something to focus on that wasn't Chris and Ashley.

“I was having a bit of a freak out and Josh talked me down,” she said to Chris, “That's why he's here.”

Chris went from a little angry to very concerned in almost an instant, “Freak out? Oh god, Ash are you doing okay? Is everything alright? Do you need anything?”

“Yeah, yeah I'm better now,” she reassured him.

“Well, I mean do you still want to..?” Chris asked and he seemed more worried for her than anything.

“Yes, oh my god Chris, yes I do. It's just...” Ash answered taking his face in her hands. She looked at Josh again and Chris followed her gaze. Josh nodded to her and Chris looked back at her confused. Ashley turned back and Josh heard her trying not to cry.

“Chris, I'm pregnant,” she said in a heavy out breath. Chris' eyes widened and he grabbed Ashley's hands off his face and looked her up and down a few times. Then he looked back over at Josh who jumped back a little.

“Don't look at me,” Josh exclaimed, “I haven't touched her.”

Chris rolled his eyes and then brought his focus back to Ashley.

“Are you... are you sure?” he asked. She nodded.

“Well, I haven't had my period in three months,” she told him, “So I took like five pregnancy tests a few days ago. All positive.”

“Oh, so pretty sure then,” Chris said then he fell silent. They stood there holding hands for a long time and Josh really wished he could leave, but they were blocking the doorway. After Chris didn't say anything for a long time Ashley burst into tears and Josh rushed over to her. She hugged Josh tightly to her. She was crying on his shoulder as Chris stood there, not sure what he should do. Josh shrugged at him to indicate that honestly he was just as lost, but for some reason Ashley wasn't afraid of him.

“See?” Ashley gasped out into Josh's shirt, “I told you he would be mad that I want it.”

“What?" Chris struggled to say to her while she was being hugged by Josh, “Ash, I'm not mad. I mean I'm surprised and confused, but I'm not mad at you.”

“You're not,” she said pulling away from Josh to face him.

“No, I,” Chris paused, looked at Josh and then grabbed Ashley's hand and pulled her further towards the door and away from him. Josh tried not to be offended by that, “I could never be mad at you over something like this. It happens. We both knew what we were getting into when we started... you know. I just I thought we had this taken care of so I'm still adjusting to the idea of it.”

“There's been so much going on,” she told him, “I must have forgot it... a couple times.”

“Okay,” Chris said and took a deep breath as he considered something, “Okay, I guess... I guess we're having a baby then.”

“Really?” she said and she seemed skeptical, “But what about your plans and everything.”

Chris shrugged before settling back into the natural organizer he was, “I guess we make new plans. We've got an extra room in the apartment and I've got money saved up. I'm already working and you're going to be teaching soon. If not, your book is doing well. We'll make it work.”

“And you still wanna..” Ashley trailed off uncertainly, playing with Chris' tie.

“Absolutely,” Chris said wrapping her tightly in his arms, “I love you, Ashley. I want to spent my life with you. And one plan that is definitely not changing is my plan of marrying you today.”

“Oh, Chris,” Ashley said in a voice that made Josh realize that while he was happy for them he should remind his friends of his presence.

“Hey,” Josh said loudly clapping his hands together and interrupting a much too heated kiss, “Great to see this worked out. Uh still here. And you two are having a wedding night later so, idea, maybe you could put the celebrating off until then.”

“Can you believe him?” Chris asked Ashley when he released her, “He's always asking me for details, but he wants to skip out on the live show.”

“That boy is never satisfied, I tell ya,” Ashley said back. Then Josh marched forward and pushed Chris out of the room roughly.

“Hey, hands off. This is a expensive tux,” Chris complained as Josh shoved him as he reached for Ash, who was laughing and waving goodbye to both of them.

“You can have him back in a few hours,” Josh yelled back to Ashley. Sam was coming down the hall with Emily, Jess, and two other girls with red hair all complaining loudly about different things. They made it to the door where Josh had just shoved Chris out into the hall. The five girls all stopped and looked the two boys up and down before looking at Ashley's room.

“Chris!” Jess chastised, “What are you doing here? You aren't allowed to see Ashley in her dress before the wedding. It's bad luck!”

“Don't worry,” Josh assured her, “Ashley wasn't in her dress. It's all good.”

“What?” Emily groaned, “She isn't even dressed yet.”

Then Emily, Jess and the two redhead girls all ran into the room in a frenzy. Chris barked out a laugh bending over to grab his knees for support and Sam looked over at Josh. Josh gave her a thumbs-up. She sighed and made her way into the room smiling that perfect smile of hers that he loved so much. She mouthed, 'Thank you' to him as she closed the door.

Josh yanked Chris to a standing position and started pulling him back to where they were getting ready.

“Hey man,” Chris asked through his chuckles, “Can we keep this just between us for now?”

“No problem, bro,” Josh answered. Chris calmed down enough to no longer be laughing.

“Oh and thanks,” Chris said seriously, “For being there, for Ashley. It means a lot to me.”

“Also no problem, bro,” Josh assured him again, “That's why I'm your best man right?”

“Exactly right,” Chris assured him with a high-five.

They had almost made it back to the room when something important occurred to Josh. He grabbed Chris before he could go inside and spun him around to face him with a huge smile on his face.

“Dude,” Josh said voice filled with joy and wonder, “You're gonna be somebody's dad.”


	12. Sam and Josh v. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is not about them, but Josh doesn't seem to understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do some of the actual wedding, but I didn't want to focus too much on it because the story is about Sam and Josh. Also I accidentally posted two chapters in one day. I'm not sure how that happened.
> 
> I like Josh and Jess interacting. They were fun to write off of one another. Jess is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters to write for because she's just so full of energy.
> 
> As you'll notice it is never really stated outright what they others were up to while Josh was in jail and that's on purpose. Though it is hinted at as it is here. I don't like when people write these characters' trauma as if they all wouldn't be able to function anymore. Trauma is rarely like that. Hence while everybody seems outwardly okay but internally they are obviously suffering more. Jess shows a good example of that in this chapter I think.
> 
> Not beta-read, mistakes be mine.

“Please don't say anything about what happened?” Ashley had asked Sam when they had a second alone together after she had her dress on. Sam thought with it on the girl would not have looked out of place at a hippie festival. No wonder Ashley chose it. Jess was getting the stuff ready to do Ash's hair though she was probably disappointed she couldn't just wear a white beanie or something on her head. Sam had agreed still in shook that Josh of all people had fixed things. She had trusted her instincts when they told her to get him but that's because she thought he might know a way to get her to open the door and then Sam could talk to her. She didn't expect him to be the one to talk sense into her. Yet there she was giggling and giddily getting ready with her friends and family as if it hadn't even happened. 

When they made their way downstairs and into the room behind the inn's art hall that the two were getting married in (because Ashley) Sam quickly hugged and kissed Mike and told him he looked handsome before she walked off towards Josh shaking her head.

“Okay,” she said looking back at Ashley who was with Jess and Matt, “I have to know how you did it.”

“A magician never reveals his secrets, Sam,” Josh said smirking at her and then shooting a smug look over her shoulder at she assumed Mike. 

“Hey,” she said snapping her finger in his face, “You said you would be nice.”

“He started it,” Josh said walking over to their place with a shrug.

Sam rolled her eyes, looked back at Mike and then followed. Based on how he had reacted when she told him the other night that Josh had confessed to being in love with her, still to this day, she actually didn't doubt that. She couldn't blame him though either. She and Mike were a couple and Josh had told her he loved her. She wasn't sure, but she assumed that was against the fabled bro code. She hooked her arm with Josh's right between Mike and Nat and Ashley and Richard McKinley who really couldn't even muster a smile on his daughter's wedding day. Though to be fair he was looking at Josh.

“Ash once told me, “ Josh whispered to her, “That her dad was always afraid the two of us were gonna hook up. Chris said he was apparently relieved when he found that he was the one she liked. I bet you he's thrilled they're the ones getting married today.”

Sam glanced back at Ashley's dad and then whispered to Josh, “You sure about that?”

“Oh yeah,” Josh nodded, “Dicky loves Chris.”

She snorted out a laugh that made Mike turn around and look at her strangely. Jess was passing out bouquets and Sam took hers and buried her face in it to stop her laughing. Ashley poked her in the back as if to tell her to cut it out. She turned back and mouthed 'Sorry.' Her father looked even more upset. She guessed because she and Josh were causing a scene on his daughter's wedding day. Though to be fair she kind of understood the distaste he had for Josh. She'd hate someone who called her 'Dicky' too.

“Okay,” Jess called hooking arms with Matt at the front, “Everybody ready? Just like we practiced.”

Music sounded distantly through the doors in front of them all. The doors opened and Sam turned to Josh to send him a reassuring and thankful smile. He winked at her. He grasped her hand that was wrapped around his arm and smiled back. An agreement of sorts passed between them and she felt that trust she had for him that she didn't quite understand flare up in her chest. Jess and Matt were making their way down the aisle together soon. A few steps later Mike and Nat moved forward to join them. Mike was so dignified and classy. She could tell that even from behind. She let Josh lead her forward. Standing in the doorway she quickly surveyed the room. There weren't many guests, mostly family and coworkers she didn't really recognize. Soon she and Josh were also walking down the aisle together.

“Who do you think will cry first,” Josh whispered to her about halfway there, “Ashley or Chris?”

“Josh,” she scolded even though she was smiling. He was only quiet for a few more steps.

“Chris right?” he asked with a smirk and a glint in his eyes.

“Well, duh,” she answered in a laugh when they were almost there. 

Josh smiled and pulled her hand up and kissed it as they separated. She didn't look at Mike because she didn't want to see his reaction to that. She took her place by Nat and Jess and tried not to notice that Chris and Matt gave Josh and then her a strange look. 

It didn't last though because the bridal march had started and that meant Ashley was coming down the aisle with her dad. Sam kept her attention there. Ashley had never been very graceful and she wasn't then either, but she looked bouncy and happy. She looked like she was skipping more so than walking. Sam felt herself smile a little and she looked over at Chris who was trying hard not to show that he was crying already then she looked at Josh who met her eye. They shared a secret smile and a quiet laugh. They watched each other the rest of the march until Sam had to take the bouquet from Ash. Sam gave her a devilish wink when she did, which made the bride blush.

Chris and Ashley had eyes only for each other during the entire ceremony, but Sam thought that was probably okay. Jess' eyes kept traveling into the audience towards Emily and Sam thought that was probably okay too. Both Josh and Mike's eyes kept traveling over to her though and Sam didn't think that was okay at all.

\---

“Ladies, gentlemen, and all other people here who would rather not conform to such labels,” Josh said into the microphone, “It is my pleasure and my privilege to introduce to you all for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Aarons.”

Sam had been sitting with Mike who pulled her to her feet and the two of them joined in with the hooting and hollering and glass clicking as Chris and Ashley entered the room. Mike slung his arm around her and she laughed as the couple kissed and he kissed her on the head as well which he was fond of doing. She hugged him tight around the middle in return and smiled up at him.

“Though,” Josh continued as the commotion settled down, “You should all know that Ashley and Chris are actually both taking the last name McKinley hyphen Aarons because they are a very progressive couple and I think they deserve a round of applause for that.”

People were applauding even as Chris yanked Josh off the small stage and back down onto the floor. Sam giggled and Mike rolled his eyes with an annoyed sigh. Sam pulled away from him. She looked passed Mike to see that Chris, Ashley and Josh were making their way over to the wedding party's table where she and Mike were already sitting. It was slow going because everyone else was stopping the couple to congratulate them, but they were going to get there eventually. She gave Mike a stern look as a warning. He stiffened under her gaze.

“Sorry,” he said, “I just think that guy thinks he's funnier than he actually is.”

“Mike,” Sam said reaching to stroke his face sweetly, “Try to get along with Josh. For me.”

“Oh, I'm sorry should I be nicer to your little boyfriend?” Mike said looking away from her.

“We're at our friends' wedding. Please don't do this here,” Sam pleaded with him. Mike sighed, pulling her in for another hug.

“You're right. As usual,” he sighed out into her hair, “This isn't about me or you or Josh. This is about Chris and Ashley. I'll behave.”

“Thank you,” she said leaning up to kiss his cheek.

The three others had made it over by then and were taking seats. She noticed Josh sat on her other side and Chris and Ashley sat on his side rather than splitting them up into groomsmen and bridesmaids. Probably so she and Mike could sit together but still it was slightly awkward. Matt, Jess and Emily came over and sat down between Ashley and Mike. She noticed Nat wasn't there and when she asked why Ashley said she wanted to sit with their dad and cousin. Sam suspected Nat just didn't want to sit with them. It was better this way. The table was barely big enough for eight people anyway.

\---

It was a fun reception overall, but Josh could easily pick out his three favorite parts. In no particular order they were: Number one. When he got to stand up and make a speech about Chris and Ashley. Josh had been a drama kid from a Hollywood family who had known Chris and Ashley during practically their entire courtship. He was made for this moment.

“So,” he had announced grabbing the microphone for the second time that night, this time a little drunk, “This is the part of the night where the best man and the maid of honor make some sappy speeches about the beloved couple at y'all. Now I know a lot of great stories about Chris and Ashley being as I was their best friend and most trusted confidant for a good number of years. Though choosing which embarrassing anecdote to share with you fine people was tough let me tell you.”

Josh looked around the room, Ashley was already laughing and Chris was shaking his head. He tried to pick out people he knew. His parents weren't there. He waved to Chris' mom, but she didn't wave back. He guessed she didn't like him that much anymore since he forced her son to put a gun to his own head. That was sad, she had always called him her second son before she actually had a second son.

“But,” he continued dramatically, “I decided what better place to start than... the beginning.” He saw that Chris looked horrified, perfect, “Ninth grade, one month into the school year and we get a new transfer student. Little red riding hottie is Chris' new lab partner and for a week straight he won't shut up about her. She's so smart and so cute and so oh I don't know, you name it, this girl was it. So this one day we're walking down the halls and passed the library steps and Chris nearly knocks me over he stops me so fast and pointing right at the stairs like a kid in a fucking candy store he goes...”

He put on his best impression of Chris which after fourteen years he thought was pretty damn good, “'Josh, Josh, dude. Look! There! That's her. That's my new lab partner.' Intrigued I look over to see this brace-faced, spaced out stoner chick with her head buried in a book who's got her hair shoved in this ratty old beanie trying to hide the fact that she hasn't washed it in like three days wearing short overalls and a frumpy old grandma sweater. But hey, Chris liked her so I figured with a best friend like me he's got to have good taste. Knowing he would never ever talk to her because he's had a whole week to do it already, I walk up to her and say 'Hi. I'm Josh, I think you know my friend, Chris,' Chris runs up to us, and once she sees somebody she recognizes she says 'Oh yeah, hi, I'm Ashley.'”

This was his favorite part of the story, “Then using all the game I have that Chris lacks I invite red out to my house for a party we were having that weekend. She says she'd be happy to go so long as Chris goes with her. And my best friend being the sweet talker that he is proceeded to puke on Ash's shoes.”

There was loud laughter though Chris looked like he wanted to kill him, “It all worked out in the end because she offered to take him to the nurse and she went with him to the party that weekend. Oh and she's married him. Point is Chris, hold onto that lady because not everyone is gonna think you're sexy after you've upchucked in their socks. Either that or you two get weird in bed. To Chris and Ashley.”

Number two. When he got to dance during the traditional wedding party dance. The best man and the maid of honor got to share a dance together which meant he got to dance with Sam at least one time and there was nothing Mike or anybody else could do about it.

When the music started he wrapped his arm around her waist and gripped her hand in his. He didn't pull her any closer than she wanted to be to him, but she let him pull her in very close. He knew how to waltz because he was a rich boy and had been to many functions where that sort of thing was expected. Sam had obviously never danced with a guy who could before because she seemed swept off her feet as he led her around the floor. She was glowing as he spun her and swayed them in time with the music. He hadn't held Sam this close to him in a very long time and he wanted to relish in it.

“So, you dance then?” she asked at one point before biting her lip and blushing.

“Why does everything I do surprise you so much?” he asked, “Do you really think that little of me?”

“No,” she giggled, still blushing, “It just doesn't seem like your style is all.”

Then he pulled her really close to his body before dipping her down and her hair fell out of it's up do and she gasped out a surprised but happy gasp and grabbed onto him tightly as he lifted her back up. She kept her hands on his shoulders and didn't retake his hand as they continued spinning around the floor together. Her hair waving around her ears and her cheeks puffed up with glee. She looked a little out of breath, which made him swell with pride. When the music finally stopped it felt like too soon. Mike came over and took her away. He thought about asking her to dance with him again, but figured she wouldn't say yes if for no other reason than to appease her boyfriend.

Number three. Mike was over at the bar with Matt and Emily was dancing with Jess. Chris had pulled Ashley up towards the stage and Josh had a pretty good idea why. It was hard for the couple to get anywhere though because they were stopped every step of the way. Either way Josh was alone at the table with Sam. She held her drink up to him and he did the same before she spoke out her toast.

“To friends being together again,” she said knocking her glass with his.

“Amen to that,” he said bowing his head before they both took a drink.

“I'm sorry,” she said suddenly when she put her glass back down.

“About what?” he asked reaching out to take her hand. She didn't pull away.

“Too many things,” she answered twisting her hand around to hold his back. He wanted to ask what she meant by that but Chris had made it to the stage and was calling for everyone's attention. Sam looked that way and so did he. The two of them were still holding hands.

“Listen everybody,” Chris said, “Ashley and I really want to thank all of you for coming out and being with us today. We became a family today and we're happy you were all here for it. So thanks a lot.”

There were cheers and claps. Josh turned his attention to Sam because he had a strong feeling he knew what was coming next and he was much more interested in her reaction than the announcement itself.

“And,” Ashley added taking the microphone away from her new husband, “We would also like to let you all know that about six months from now our little family of two will become a family of three. So I hope you all aren't too celebrated out yet.”

After a kiss with Ash, Chris added, “For anybody who doesn't get it. She means we're having a baby.”

After a couple gasps and shocked exclamations there were more claps and cheers. The room erupted. Sam screamed in surprise and her free hand shot to her mouth. Then it slipped down to her chest as if she was trying to catch her breath. She was smiling and then she snapped her eyes to Josh. He smirked at her and she reached out and shoved his shoulder gently.

“You knew!” she exclaimed, “That's what you and Ash talked about earlier isn't it?”

“Well, aren't you nosy,” he scolded, “But yes that's what she was freaking out about.”

“I can't believe this!” she said, “They're gonna be parents! That's crazy!”

Josh nodded at her. She was genuinely happy for them and she looked so very beautiful because of it. He pulled her closer by their clasped hands, “So, you think we've got a good shot at godparents?”

Sam laughed and nodded back as she said, “Yeah, I'd say we do.”

\---

Getting rooms in the inn for the wedding party and for family members had been a good idea. Josh had thought all the way up until he was closing his room's door and wandering the hall later that night as he tried to find somewhere else to go. He wondered how many beds Matt had in his room. Though with his luck the guy was either passed out from drinking too much or had gotten lucky and brought a friend back to his room with him. He wasn't on good terms with Chris' family anymore and didn't know Ash's. Jess and Emily's room was out if the rumor he had heard about weddings being an aphrodisiac for women was true. There was no way he was going to think about trying Mike and Sam's room either.

Josh hadn't expected to run into Jessica dancing down the hall, singing quietly to herself and waving around a bottle of wine. She was only wearing a short fluffy looking robe and he could see a lot of her bare skin. Her hair was a mess and she had scratches on her shoulders, neck and along her arms which meant Emily scratched in bed and he wasn't sure he was comfortable knowing that. She practically ran up to him when she spotted him.

“Josh,” she cheered obviously drunk, holding her arms out for a hug. He let her hug him and kept a hold on her as she pulled away because she was wobbling.

“Hey there Jess,” he said and he couldn't keep from smiling, “Is everybody awake right now? What are you even doing?”

Jess tipped the bottle into her mouth before she answered him, “I have an extra key to Matt's room and we ran out of wine so I went to his room to get some.”

“Okay,” Josh said wondering whether Matt had been awake or not for that trip. From what he could remember Matt slept like the dead so either option was possible.

“What about you?”she asked offering him her bottle which he refused, “What are you doing out here? Could you not sleep?”

“Something like that,” he responded. There was a curious glint in her eyes so he explained, “These are thin walls and I'm the lucky person who's in the room right next to our adorable newlyweds.”

“Oh god,” Jess said turning red and covering her mouth as if to stop the second hand embarrassment.

“Yep, that sounds about right,” Josh said nodding along, “Ash seems to curse a lot more though.”

“What? Really?” Jess giggled leaning up against the wall behind her and her robe slipped off a little. Josh noticed a large hickey on her collarbone.

“You and Em having a good night then?” he asked pointing to her collarbone, his suspicions having been confirmed. Chris and Ashley weren't the only ones enjoying each others' company it seemed.

“Mm-hmm,” Jess sang wiggling her eyebrows. He nodded at her again and then started off towards well he still wasn't really sure where, giving her a little wave as he did.

“Well, I'll let you get back to it, Jess. Goodnight,” he called out.

“Hey,” Jess yelled a little too loudly for how close they were to each other, “You get back here Mister! You and me, we don't talk anymore. So you come here and you talk to Jessie.”

“Isn't Emily waiting for you?” Josh asked though he did walk back over to her and leaned up against the wall next to her.

“Ah don't worry about her,” Jess said sliding down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, “She'll be okay for awhile. I left her good and satisfied.”

“Hot,” Josh said sitting down next to her. Jess reached over and patted his knee. She had tried harder than anyone to find him after he was released. He always liked Jess. She was cute and sweet and funny. She always seemed untroubled and didn't really care what people thought about her. It was hard not to have fun when she was around. Her smile was infectious.

“So, what's on your mind?” she asked him passing her bottle to him again. He took it this time and drank just a little before he passed it back to her. She looked at him with her half-focused eyes and seemed ready to help him with whatever problem he was dealing with.

“Jess,” he started because he felt like he could trust her and if not she was out of it and might forget this whole conversation anyway, “You ever care so much about somebody that it physically hurts? But you aren't sure you know what the right thing to do is? So you just keep doing things that end up hurting both of you because no answer seems to be the right one?”

Jess leaned her head back against the wall and looked at the other side of the hallway. She took a very long drink from her wine bottle. Her eyes were distant and Josh knew what she was doing. He did it all the time. She was looking into the past and wondering if she regretted it.

“Mike,” she said quietly. This is when it occurred to Josh that he didn't actually know why the two of them had broken up. He hadn't expected Mike to marry Jessica or anything, but they had been all but inseparable in the weeks after the incident. They still seemed to be on good terms all things considered. Thinking about it, it actually seemed weird that they had broken up at all.

“Yeah,” Josh added, “I guess I don't really know what happened there.”

Jess smiled sadly at him, “I broke up with him.”

“Why?” Josh asked pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

“Because it was better for him that way,” Jessica said copying his stance, “He had stopped living his life for him. He was doing it for me and that wasn't okay. I was too sick to do much and Mike refused to move on without me. He was waiting for me to get better before he did anything different. I wasn't meaning to, but I was holding him back. I cared about him too much to be the reason he didn't succeed. I never had any bad feelings towards Mike. I loved him. I still love him. Not in the same way as I did. Too much time has passed and we're very different people than we used to be. But I'm glad that he's in my life. He's one of my best friends.”

Josh nodded as she sighed and set her bottle down.

“Besides,” she continued, “It worked out. He's got a good job and he makes good money. He's doing what he always wanted to be doing and he really loves Sam. He's happy. I did the right thing by him.”

“And you too,” Josh reminded her, “You also did the right thing by you. Because this is better, right? You and Emily?”

“It's... different,” Jess told him, “Just as good though and I'm happy too.”

Josh and Jess smiled at each other in that way only old friends who truly understand each other can. Josh stood up and reached his hand down to help Jess to her feet. Jess grabbed her bottle and then his hand and let him pull her up. She was wobbling and giggling. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

“We should hang out more Josh,” she said once she was balanced enough on her own feet for him to let her go, “This was really nice.”

“Yeah, we should,” he agreed, “Call me next time you're organization is doing a community volunteer event or something. I'll dig out some work gloves and lend a hand.”

“We're collecting and sorting donated clothes next week since it's getting colder out,” she told him, a brightness coming into her eyes, “Emily doesn't want to come because she hates touching people's old clothes and stuff. Maybe you want to come help out.”

“Yeah, I think I'd like that,” Josh who had never done volunteer work a day in his entire life said with an equally large smile.

“Great,” she said clapping her hands before heading towards her door and opening it, “I'll have Sam text you the details since the three of us will be meeting at my place and I don't have your number yet. Night, Josh.”

Jess disappeared into her room leaving Josh thinking she just might be his good luck charm.


	13. Sam v. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is family on Thanksgiving... including Josh Washington.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk Sam's family here is based very much on how my family is about Thanksgiving. It's weird but it's like our big holiday. Also it may seem as if this chapter is random, but I assure you it isn't.
> 
> I know what I was going for here and I hope it came through. If not well I'd like to hear it. I am always looking to improve my writing. Also I think I know how this is going to end.

Thanksgiving has always been a big deal in the Cohen household.

Sam always found it odd that other people's families didn't seem to take the holiday as seriously as her family did. Matt's family seemed to be the only one that came remotely close. Her relatives came to L.A. from all over the country. They spent all day cooking for it and had a huge variety of food when they were done. Her mother Molly had even proposed to her mother Jane on Thanksgiving. It was a big deal around their place.

It even had it's own photo album.

Sam's mother Jane was a photographer by trade so her family kept photo albums for special occasions. They had one album special for Thanksgiving that had a big group picture of everybody who had come to her house that year for dinner. The album had been being kept since before Sam was even born. It chronicled her parents twenty nine year long relationship probably better than anything else did. This would be their thirtieth Thanksgiving together. In those thirty years no two pictures looked the same.

Sam's family had the policy that no one should be alone on Thanksgiving because it was the holiday exclusively meant to celebrate the things you are thankful for and to be generous to others. Inevitably someone every year would not have somewhere to go and they would wind-up at the Cohen's house for the holiday. Sometimes it was one person, and sometimes it was whole families. But all were welcome. On Thanksgiving everyone was family.

Sam had to repeat this mantra many times when Josh Washington showed up on their doorstep on Thanksgiving day for dinner.

\---

Sam was at Jess' (and Emily's) apartment when it started. The two of them (plus Josh apparently) were going to Jess' job to help sort donated clothes for the less fortunate. Sam had a large box of her own old clothes plus some stuff her moms and Mike didn't wear anymore either. She did her best to maneuver the container so she could knock on the apartment door. Jess opened it almost immediately and looked relieved to see who was on the other side. 

“Ugh thank goodness it's you,” Jess said looking like a stressed out mess, “Hurry get in here quick.”

Sam rushed in the door which Jess slammed and then pulled Sam through the apartment to her room. Sam dropped her box by the door and followed her friend. Jess and now Emily had a cute little place. They had a big open living room that connected to a dinning room and then a kitchen. There was also a small deck attached to the living room. On one side was a door that led to a big bathroom and on the other was a door that led to a large bedroom with two closets. Jess plopped Sam down on her queen bed before going over to the closet on the left and opening it up.

“I need you to help me pick out an outfit for Thanksgiving,” Jess announced gathering up pretty much her entire wardrobe in her arms and dropping it on her bed next to Sam.

“Why do you need help finding something to wear for the soup kitchen?” Sam asked because that's what Jess did every year. She volunteered in the morning and then went to her parents' place.

“I don't,” Jess said rolling her eyes, as she sorted through her pile of clothes “I'm not doing it this year.”

“Oh, so then what are you doing?” Sam asked, because Jess was still a fashion expert. Even if she had more fancy plans than she usually did she shouldn't need Sam's help to dress for them. This meant she must be going somewhere very specific to need Sam's advice.

“We're going to Em's father's place in the morning, my parents' place in the afternoon and then out with Em's mother in the evening,” Jess said bouncing on her feet nervously as she held a skirt and blouse combo up to herself looked at herself in the mirror and then tossed them away with an annoyed huff, “And I never know what to wear to meet your partner's parents. They always think I'm like a huge slut. I really want to impress Emily's family. I'm only the second girl she's ever dated too and her mom still isn't completely behind her oldest daughter being gay. I don't even want to begin thinking about what my parents are going to say about all this. You know I haven't brought anybody home for them to meet since Mike and I broke up.”

Sam laughed a little bit as she picked through some of Jess' clothes herself, a lot of people bought Jess' front so hardly anybody knew how insecure she could really be under all that confidence, “Jess, don't be so silly you and Emily have already met each others' parents. You've known them for years in fact. You've gone on vacation with her family.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Jess said pacing around the room with a button up and dress pants in her hands, before making a disgusted face and dropping them with the other rejects on the floor, “The context is different this time. I bet her mom is going to freak when she finds out that we're together and her dad is probably going to assume that we do all kinds of weird sex stuff.”

“Well, do you?” Sam teased leaning back and biting her lip. Jess was really nervous and it was cute.

“Well of course,” Jess said flippantly which caused Sam to laugh out loud, “But that's not what I want our parents to think when they look at us. I want them to see how much we both care about each other.”

“Listen Jess, show me what you were thinking of wearing and I'll help you make sure that it's modest enough for a family event, okay?” Sam said giggling, “But remember you are super sweet and nice and her parents love you. I bet they're going to be so excited you two are together.”

Jess seemed to calm down when she said that, “You think so? Really?”

“I really do, yes,” Sam assured her. Jess perked up as she looked through her clothes pile.

“Thanks, Sam,” she said as Sam handed her a white sweater to go with the dress she was about to try on. The straps were too thin. Besides that though the pink dress she wore was very cute. It didn't look too frumpy or too revealing. It hugged Jess' perfect curves and showed off her nice long legs, but it was classy in a muted way. 

“I think you look great,” Sam said, “Very respectable and stylish. I would be proud if I knew you were dating my daughter.”

“Good to know,” Jess said then pulled at the bottom of the shirt, “Sure it isn't too short?”

“Jess, you look amazing,” Sam assured her. Jess spun around and looked at herself in the mirror. Sam couldn't ever remember Jess putting this much effort into any relationship she had ever been in the past few years. Unlike Mike she had continued to date after they broke up. She went through prospects fast. Jess dated more than any of them had in the last three years. Sam didn't date until she hooked up with Mike and neither did he. Chris and Ashley had basically been married before they were legally married. Matt only had two girlfriends since he and Emily called things off and was currently single by choice. Emily had only dated one other person before hooking up with Jess. Nobody Jess had ever dated stuck around for very long. Sam couldn't even recall most of their names. She thinks one had been a Tiffany and another was a Samuel (which was confusing). Her longest relationship since Mike had been, well it had been Emily. Sam thought about that. She thought about how much it did and it didn't make sense. Her thoughts were interrupted by knocking at the door.

“Oh, that's probably Josh,” Jess said starting to pull off her clothes, “Will you get the door?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Sam said hopping up and heading out to the apartment's front door. Sure enough when she opened it Josh was on the other side tapping away on his phone. He smiled brightly when he saw her and headed passed her inside. He was still on his phone.

“You look different today, Jess,” he teased as he walked by her.

“Jess is getting changed,” Sam said closing the door, “She should be out in a second then we can go.”

“Ah okay,” he said then he tucked his phone in his pocket, he looked around for a bit and then seemed to decide he should make conversation with her, “You hear from Chris or Ash at all?”

Sam shook her head as she replied, “No, I try not to bother people who are on their honeymoon. Is that who you were texting?”

Josh rolled his eyes, “It's hardly a honeymoon. They went to England for four days over Thanksgiving holiday break.”

“Because it was the only time they both had off,” Sam half-scolded playfully, “And if I know Ashley. She is loving the trip which is probably why Chris picked it.”

“But they went during Thanksgiving,” Josh laughed, “Isn't that like sacrilege to you or something?”

“Ha ha,” Sam pretended to laugh dumbly, “But no. They have each other, that's what's most important. Nobody should be alone on Thanksgiving.”

“I'm going to be alone,” Josh said with a shrug like it was no big deal.

“What? Why?” Sam said, sounding a lot more upset about that then was necessary.

“I'm still not talking to my parents,” Josh confessed to her slowly, shuffling his feet and looking at the ground as he did.

“Really?” she asked, “You're that mad about them keeping your friends from contacting you?”

Josh sighed heavily, “Yes and also,” he paused and looked a little awkward like he didn't want to admit the next part.

“What?” she prompted gently.

“I think it's really rude that they didn't come to the wedding,” Josh said, “Both to Chris... and to me.”

“Josh,” Sam tried to reason, “I don't know. After everything that's happened...”

“Yeah, I know,” he stopped her, “But Chris has been my best friend for like fifteen years. He took me to the hospital when I tried to kill myself. He's part of why I am who I am. He never did anything to Hannah or to Beth. He loved them like they were his own sisters. And I went. He put me in jail. But I still went and I was his best man. I just think my parents own both him and me a little more credit.”

“I'm sorry, Josh,” she said as she heard Jess coming out of her bedroom. She sounded like she was lugging something with her. Probably more clothes for donation.

“It's okay,” he said but he sounded like it wasn't. That's why Sam said the next thing she said. It was the way she had been raised.

“You'll come have Thanksgiving with my family tomorrow.”

“You don't have to do that, Sam,” Josh said and it was a perfect out that she didn't take.

“No, I insist,” Sam said as Jess came around the corner with a huge box of clothes, “No buts about it, you are coming to my house and that is final.”

“Alright,” Josh said moving forward to help Jess as she stumbled backward a little, “I guess I'm having Thanksgiving dinner with you then.”

“Oh,” Jess said as Josh took the very big box from her, “Is Josh going with you to your moms' place for Thanksgiving tomorrow? You are so lucky Josh, Sam's mom Jane is such a great cook!”

That's when Sam remembered that her mother Jane also really hated the man she had just invited over to their place for dinner.

\---

“He has nowhere else to go,” Sam argued to her mothers as they buzzed around the kitchen that night making sure they had everything they needed for the feast the next day. There would a vegan option for the three of them at least, plus a regular Turkey and other Thanksgiving items for the rest of the family (which her mother Jane always made since her mother Molly couldn't even stomach going near a dead animal let alone cooking one). Members from both sides of their family came to this dinner so there was a lot to prepare for.

“Samantha,” her mother Jane spoke sternly, anger lacing her words, “You have said that. You have said it multiple times now in fact. And both your other mother and I have stressed that is not the point here.”

“What we are trying to say, honey,” her mother Molly said trying to sound less angry than her other mother and not doing a very good job of it, “Is that we aren't sure why you even invited Josh to come?”

“What was I supposed to do?” Sam asked, “Let him be alone on Thanksgiving? That's so sad.”

“What I would like to know is why you are speaking with him in the first place. Why do you know he doesn't have plans for Thanksgiving?” her mother Jane was moving things roughly around the kitchen which was always a clear sign that she was angry.

“We've reconnected recently,” Sam said, “He was at Chris and Ashley's wedding. You know how they were all close when we were kids.”

Her mother Molly reached for her hand across the sink where she was washing their special nice dishes for the holiday, it was wet and soapy but it was still comforting, “Sam, we know that you and Josh have a very complicated history together and that your feelings on him can be confusing to deal with but we don't think you being around him is the best way to solve things.”

“Mom,” Sam sighed out heavily, “It isn't like that at all. My relationship with Josh is my business and I have to deal with it in my way. The two of us have been getting along really well lately and he is doing a lot better than he was before. You always told me that everyone was family on Thanksgiving. He's having a hard time with his parents and I want to be there for him. Because he is ultimately my friend. I'm just trying to be the good person that you taught me I should be.”

Her mother Molly sighed out hard at that before turning to call back at her wife on the other side of the large kitchen, “Darling, why did we have to raise such a kind and forgiving young woman?”

“She must get that from you,” her mother Jane replied walking over to join them and taking Sam's other hand in her own. Sam gave both her parents a pleading look. She had mastered the puppy-dog stare at this point in her life. Her mother Molly broke first and turned an identical gaze onto her other mother and soon she was breaking under the force of both the women that she loved begging for her approval and permission.

“Alright,” her mother Jane said, “We trust you, Sam. He can come, but any funny business and he is straight out the door, do you understand?”

“Got it mom,” Sam said reaching out to hug them both, “Thank you both so much.”

\---

Sam tried not to think about the fact that Mike hadn't even met her extended family on what was designated the most important holiday event of the year to them all. Her family made that hard.

It was her grandma Sally made the mistake first. She was her mother Molly's mother and after Josh, who Sam had gone to pick up, she and her grandpa Joe were the first guests to arrive. They kissed her all over her face and hugged her tightly to them and marveled over big she was even though she hadn't grown an inch since she was in eighth grade. Her grandfather even pressed a crumpled ten dollar bill into her hand as he pulled away from her and at this point in her life Sam had given up on trying to give the money back to him. She was their only grandchild after all.

Then they had spotted Josh on the couch and made the logical assumption anyone would make upon seeing a young unknown man about their granddaughter’s age at a family event.

“Oh Samantha,” her grandmother had asked, “Who is that handsome man you have hiding over there? Come over here and introduce yourself.” She was waving Josh over and he hopped up and jogged over before Sam could say much else.

“Yes, ma'am,” Josh said tipping his head in a little bow.

“You must be that young politician that my granddaughter’s been seeing,” her grandmother said to him, “Forgive an old woman but your name escapes me.”

Josh spoke before Sam did and he slung his arm around Sam's shoulders when he did, “How could I not forgive a young lady as lovely as you are? I'm Joshua, Joshua Washington.”

Her grandmother rolled her eyes at the compliment, but she laughed as if she was still flattered. Then Sam's grandfather spoke up. 

“That's a good, strong name. Good political name too,” he joked probably thinking he was begin clever. 

“That's a good one, sir,” Josh said overly politely, “Because my last name is Washington? I guess I was destined for politics, huh?”

Both her grandparents chuckled a little at that. She glared at him and threw his arm roughly off of her. She was about to correct the misconception when her mothers entered the room and her grandparents walked off to shower them in greeting as well. Once out of sight, Sam elbowed Josh hard in the side.

“Ow, why did you do that?” Josh complained rubbing his side.

“Why did you lie to my grandparents?” Sam retorted not feeling sorry that he was hurt, “You aren't a politician and you certainly aren't my boyfriend.”

Josh waved a dismissive hand at her, “And I'm sure someone will correct them on that point soon. I was just having a little fun.”

“Go apologize and tell them who you really are,” Sam said because she didn't think the joke was very funny and she wasn't entirely sure he was trying to be funny when he did it so much as playing out a personal fantasy. He shrugged, rolled his eyes and walked off towards the group gathered on the other side of the room. He seemed to explain the situation sheepishly to them. Her mothers both looked upset though her grandparents laughed it off. She forced on a smile and headed over to join all of them as they waited for the rest of her family to arrive.

Sam was happy that part of the day was over at least and she could just move on.

 

\---

It wasn't over. 

Almost every relative she had entered her home and greeted Josh one of two ways. Either “Oh, hey you must be Mike.” or it was “Samantha, introduce us to your cute new boyfriend.” Though Josh no longer played up the act it reminded her every time that Mike was in fact not here but in Oregon at his sisters' place and Josh was meeting her extended family before he had. It didn't sit well in her stomach. It kept forcing her towards the question of why hadn't she invited Mike to have Thanksgiving dinner with her family yet. She didn't want to ask that though. She wasn't sure she would like the answer.

She sat on her front step looking out on her yard. Her much younger cousins were running around with a football trying to tag one another. Dinner would be ready in an hour or a half hour and there were too many people inside to deal with for her. She usually loved this holiday. It was the only time she saw most of these people. The awkwardness after introducing Josh as 'not my boyfriend but an old friend of mine who had nowhere else to go' made conversations weird. Not because he was a stranger, they had those every year, but because everyone kept assuming his identity before meeting him.

Sam heard the door open and turned to see Josh coming outside. She moved over and let him sit down next to her. He plopped down and was soon watching the kids with her.

“Your family is looking for you,” he said.

“Is the game on?” she asked in return.

“Yeah,” he answered looking at her confused.

“That's why,” she explained, “I've never missed a game on Thanksgiving. I always watch it with my mom, my aunt, my uncles and my grandpa Ralph. It's a tradition.”

“I didn't think you liked football,” Josh said looking interested.

“I don't normally,” she confessed, “I mean I don't hate it or anything like that. But my mom and her siblings can get super into it and it's fun to watch them especially if they are cheering for different teams. It makes my grandpa laugh because it reminds him of when they were all kids.”

“So, why are you out here?” Josh asked hitting his knee against hers and she liked that a lot.

“I'm not in the mood to watch football,” Sam answered with a shrug. Then with a smile Josh pointed out towards her four younger cousins tossing around the football in the yard.

“How about to play football?” he asked with a smirk, “You up for that?”

She smiled as she stood up and stretched, “Didn't know you liked to lose so much, Josh?”

“Don't be so sure girl,” he said standing up as well, “I've got some skills you have yet to see.”

“Show me what you got, dough boy,” she said as they both walked out towards her cousins.

The kids paused in their game when the two adults reached them. Tory, the only girl among them, looked excited as they did. She hugged the ball in her arms and started to jump up and down. Her younger brother, Mark ran right up to Sam and grabbed her hand.

“Are you and your friend going to play with us, Sam?” he asked yanking a little hard on her arm. She smiled down at him a nodded. Mark fell to his back as Sam's hand slipped from his and her cousin Jordan ran up behind him and sat on his stomach. Then her cousin John, who was the oldest, walked up to Josh and pointed at him dramatically as kids tend to do.

“What's his name?” he asked.

“I'm Josh,” he said getting on his knees so he was eye level with the boy.

“Alright then,” John said before turning back to Sam, “Tory and I are captains. She picked first last time so I get to pick first between the two of you. And I want...,” he considered them very seriously for a minute before deciding, “Sam on my team.”

Josh looked offended as he stood back up and Sam shrugged as she walked over and high-fived John. Jordan hopped off the older boy he sat on and ran over to them. Tory stuck her tongue out at them and then she smiled sweetly at Josh.

“Don't worry. You can be on mine and Mark's team, Josh,” she said fluttering her eyes a tiny bit.

“Thank you,” he said as he walked over to her. She giggled a little when he got close and Sam had a suspicion that her younger cousin liked Josh more than a little bit. Josh took the ball from her and tossed it gently to Sam. Josh challenged the two kids on his team to race him to the other end of the lawn. He let Tory win. Sam handed the ball to John so he could throw it.

“Ready?” he called out and the other three waved. Josh jumped up and down and waved. John rolled his eyes at that. If Tory liked Josh than John obviously did not. He had a good arm and the ball soared right for the older man, who did not catch it. Mark scurried back and grabbed it. Sam charged forward hearing the oldest boy behind her. She saw Jordan spinning in circles out of the corner of her eye. Mark passed the ball up to Tory and John ran right for her. She screamed and threw the ball at Josh, who caught it this time and sped forward.

“Get him Sam,” she heard Jordan cry after he sprang for Josh's feet and missed. John was coming up behind Josh, but was way too far behind. Sam ran at Josh and Josh swerved around her and kept running towards their end of the lawn. Sam spun around quickly and followed. She was much faster then he was and caught up to him quickly. Not sure what else to do once she was in range, Sam leaped forward and clung onto Josh's back. Rather than stop because he was tagged and they were playing touch football, Josh stumbled briefly and tried to keep running.

“Hey!” John yelled, “You can't do that! You were tagged!”

“Keep going, Josh,” both Mark and Tory cheered out. John started arguing with Tory that if Josh scored it wouldn't count anyway because Sam had tagged him. Sam wiggled trying to wrestle Josh onto the ground and she flung her arm out to knock the ball from his hands. They struggled like this until Josh fell to his knees a few feet from the “goal.” He tried to crawl away with her still on his back and the ball still clutched in his hands. Sam tickled his sides and he finally fell onto his stomach. Sam knocked the ball away sitting on his back. She held up her hands in victory. Jordan cheered and hooted loudly and John clapped his hands. 

“Our ball,” John said to Tory running forward to retrieve it. Josh spun around best he could and smiled up at Sam who was straddling him. It felt comfortable and part of her didn't want to stand up. Part of her wanted to lay down on his back and snuggle there in the grass and the sunlight. Josh's body was always very warm and very solid. He was born to cuddle. They had spent a lot of time doing just that together when they were younger too. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he was thinking of the same thing she was. She didn't mind this time.

“Kids,” Sam heard her mother Molly call out and she turned to see her leaning out of the front door, “Come inside and start washing up for dinner please.”

“Why?” Mark whined. Jordan seemed complacent enough to run towards the door though as did Tory. John threw down his ball in anger. Sam understood that feeling as she was standing up. The kids were never called in early to wash up for dinner. Today was a big deal to this family, yes, but it was also a pretty casual affair. The kids were all in jeans and t-shirts after all. Sam saw her mother's eyes flick worryingly over to her and Josh who was also standing up. It clicked in her head what her mother was doing and Sam felt an almost fiery burst of anger erupt in her stomach.

It didn't settle down until long after she had stuffed it full of Thanksgiving food. Though for the first time in her life dinner tasted awful on her tongue.


	14. Josh v. His Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like the way some people portray the Washingtons as these awful parents who flat out hate their son. It doesn't seem true to life or to the character of Josh. This is my attempt at humanizing them while keeping them true to who they were in the earlier chapter.
> 
> This Chapter is also a little shorter than the others and I am sorry about that.
> 
> Also this chapter title is meant to reflect back to chapter 5.
> 
> No beta.

Josh had to talk to his parents. He couldn't keep avoiding it.

Dinner at Sam's had been... nice, but it wasn't home. It wasn't what he was used to. As much as he hated to admit it he missed his parents and he missed being there for the holiday. He didn't get to see his grandfather, (his only living grandparent) and he didn't get to see his mother, who had always been on his side throughout the whole ordeal. He even missed his dad. Sam was right. After everything that had happened was it really fair for him to expect his parents to trust Chris and his own judgment? Josh wasn't the only person who had lost Hannah and Beth almost five years ago. His parents had lost both of their daughters. Josh had practically been inconsolable afterward too. That was probably hard for them to watch and not know what to do.

He thought about asking Sam to come with him, but that didn't feel right. He had to do this on his own.

Josh's mother had been thrilled when he called her back after so many weeks of sending her short text messages that said nothing more than, “Fine,” “K,” and “No.” He thought she might cry of gratitude from hearing his voice. That hurt because Josh was a sap when it came to the women he cared most about in his life. He asked to meet her for dinner soon. She told him she'd get back to him with a day that worked for her after he told her his schedule.

When she called him back she seemed off and told him that while she would love to see him for dinner that Sunday his father had no time off this week and couldn't join them. Josh agreed, but he felt strange when he hung up with her. It was hours later when it occurred to him that his father was probably still mad at him too.

\---

Josh went to have dinner at his old home despite this. He wished his parents would move. He hated the long walk he had to take up the driveway every time he came over. He would have the driver take him up to the front but his parents always keep the gate locked these days. Buzzing to open it could be a hassle. It was easier to use the side entrance. His stunt had been a huge embarrassment to their family. Reporters came to the house for weeks, people weren't allowed over anymore except in extremely special cases. Mom had stopped going to her job and all her charity events fell to the back burner. Dad only left the house when he absolutely had to, doing most of his work from his home office. Josh wasn't allowed to go anywhere except to see his doctors and his lawyer. The three of them were almost always home and yet they spent less time together than they ever had.

Walking passed all his childhood memories wouldn't be so bad if ninety percent of them didn't involve Hannah and/or Beth. His sisters were- had been not that much younger than he was and as they got older and their parents got busier it fell more and more onto Josh to look out for them. He taught Beth how to ride her bike without training wheels on this driveway, Hannah was too afraid to try it out for a long time and eventually the two of them had to teach her together. He was forced into maybe a million games of hopscotch and jump-rope, which he always purposely played wrong so they'd scold him and chase him through the grass. Hannah ran faster than Beth did and she always caught him first. After it rained once he came out here and dug up living worms to put in Hannah's bathroom sink as a prank. She screamed loud enough to wake the whole family up and she told him it was the grossest thing in the world. They were both convinced otherwise when they caught Chris and Beth kissing on this same front deck not too long afterward. Josh was relieved when the two of them had decided against dating citing the fact that it was too weird. He liked Chris a lot, but he didn't like him much that.

Josh was at the door. He had never rang the doorbell before. It was weird to do especially because Josh had his own set of keys to the place. His father had fought against his mother letting him keep them after he was released. He never used them though so his father eventually gave in.

“Joshua,” his mother's sweet relieved happy voice greeted as she answered the door. Despite himself, Josh smiled. He hated his full name. It sounded funny if you said it too fast. It wasn't formal enough to be charming and dashing but it was too formal to be fun and casual.

“Hey mom,” Josh answered and even though he was still mad at her, he reached out and he hugged her. She looked so much like his sisters, his best friends, the most important two people in his life. She had loved him no matter what stupid mistakes he made. The Washington siblings' capacity for forgiveness had been a trait they inherited from their mother. For that Josh could never hate her.

“I'm so glad to see you, honey,” she said pulling away from him. She was thin and wiry like they all were save his dad. She was shorter than him and it was hard to believe she had raised and cared for him growing up. She seemed too gentle to be able to put up with a brat like him. The Washington siblings' fierce passion came not from her, but from their father.

“Me too,” he said stepping inside, hanging up his coat and closing the door, “Let's eat dinner.”

“It's not quite ready yet,” she answered. She looked guilty standing there by the doorway. She kept fidgeting and much like Hannah his mother had never been good at lying. His father, Beth and him all had mastered their poker faces so Josh didn't let it show that he could tell.

“Alright then,” he said as he slowly followed her towards the living room. He didn't usually go in many of the other rooms in the house. He didn't like to go into any of the other rooms in the house. They held more memories of his sisters and more pain than he could ever hope to stand. Passing the closet where they had tried to play seven minutes in heaven almost physically hurt him. That had been his first failed attempt at hooking up Chris and Ashley. Hannah and Beth messed it up. Josh had passed out cards with names on them (Chris' had blue dot marked in the corner so he knew to give it to Ashley). Hannah got excited though and snatched a card from Josh as soon as he reentered the room. The card with his own name on it. They of course weren't going into the closet together so Hannah traded cards... with Ashley. Once Josh gathered all the cards back up and redistributed them because Chris had already kissed one of his sisters so that wasn't happening, Beth then refused to go into the closet with Mike. After all the fuss and drama no one wanted to play anymore.

Thinking about Chris and Ashley and his sisters reminded Josh of why he was mad at his parents in the first place. His footsteps got heavier and angrier as they approached the living room. He heard the T.V. playing the news in the room. That got him suspicious. Taking that and her strange behavior into account Josh knew he was in for something. He figured out what his mother had done about fifteen seconds before he entered the living room and saw his father sitting there. It was hard to mistake the man for anyone else. He looked a lot like Josh if Josh gained about 50 pounds and lost some of his hair. He looked tired, but then he always looked tired. Especially after Hannah and Beth went missing.

Bob Washington looked over at the noise of the two of them entering the room and sighed out heavily when he saw Josh. He didn't look surprised. He looked like he had figured it out almost the same time as Josh did. He assumed his father was not busy at all this week and had flat out told his mother that Josh was not welcome back in their home or that his mother had purposely invited him on a night his father would be home and told him he wouldn't be because she thought he might not come if he knew. Every single Washington was skilled in one important respect. They were manipulative as all hell.

“Hey, dad,” Josh said dully. His eyes flicked to his mother. Her faced looked sorry. Though it was that insincere sorry face Hannah used to pull whenever he was mad at her. The kind that was more about wanting to be forgiven than actually being sorry.

“Hello, Josh,” his father said reaching up the remote to mute the T.V., “Would you like to sit down?”

It sounded more like, 'What are you doing here?' but Josh moved to sit down on the couch opposite his father anyway and his mother sat next to him. His father was shaking his head looking at the screen and not at either of them. Josh and his mother looked at each other for a few seconds then went back to watching him. They were waiting for his next move because it was best to let Bob make the first move in any given situation. Much like his son he didn't like being bossed around.

“I figured you'd pull something like this on me eventually, Linda,” his father said with more affection than Josh expected. They had been married for many years though. He supposed his father knew what kind of woman his mother was by then. He wondered what that was like. To be with someone so long that their bad habits became expected and while they still bothered you they were so completely a part of the other person that you grew to love them. It occurred to him that one day Chris and Ashley would be like this too, and maybe so would Jess and Emily. He wondered if it would ever happen to him and then he wondered if he wanted it to happen to him. He knew if it did there was only one person that he wanted to share that kind of connection with. Only one person that he shared even close to that kind of connection with already. That was more than a little scary for more reason that he wanted to admit.

“He's our son, Bob. The only child we have left,” his mom said taking his hand in her own, “You have to stop treating him like a pariah eventually.”

His father let out a loud heavy sigh that filled the whole room. Josh's hand tightened hard around his mother's hand. He was afraid, but not for any of the reasons he expected to be. He wanted his father to be mad and throw him out. Something about that was easier to handle. It was easier to understand.

“What do you want from me?” his father asked his mother finally looking over at them, he sounded sad and tired and even confused, “What do you want from him?”

“I want us to be a family,” she said with so much desperation it was heartbreaking.

To Josh's surprise his father said, “So do I.”

He realized in that moment that there was more going on here than just the relationship between him and his dad. It felt heavier than that. For the first time since his sisters disappeared Josh wondered if maybe his parents blamed... each other? For everything. He wondered if they fought about it when he wasn't around. He wondered if they went to sleep in separate beds at night, crying and in pain. He wondered if they were lonely without him here, without Hannah and Beth here. He wondered if the two had ever considered getting a divorce. The idea made him sadder than he thought it would.

“I want us to be a family too,” Josh added and then they both looked at him. There was something nice about them all being on the same page. There was something familiar and good about agreeing with his parents on something in this world. There was something freeing in admitting he wanted them around. Josh had a point to make though so he couldn't be satisfied with that. None of them could.

“But,” Josh continued, “if we're going to be a family, like a real family, we have to listen to each other. The way... the way we did when Hannah and Beth were around. No, better than that.”

When was the last time any of them had said those names out loud? It felt like a lifetime. His parents went stiff. The mood of the room shifted. It was cold, like the ghosts of his sisters were there and he wondered if he looked around for them if he would see them. He fought the urge to as he did often. Their gazes all bounced around each other, and Josh felt his mother's grip on his hand loosen but he refused to let her go.

“You have to learn to listen to me,” Josh insisted. His father looked upset. He thought he was going to argue back, but his mother stepped in.

“I think he's right,” she said and Josh felt good about that until she continued, “But Josh you have to understand where we're coming from too. Especially your father. You have to learn to listen to us too.”

“Okay.” Josh was willing to admit he'd never been very good at that. A silence fell over them all and it was awkward and strange. Unsaid feelings and thoughts hung all around them all. Josh looked between his parents and decided that if they were going to do this then there was no reason to put it off. He took a deep breath.

“So, let's try it,” he announced to them. His parents both looked stunned.

“Excuse me?” his father asked an angry tone lacing his words. Josh remained persistent.

“Let's try it,” he said again, “We all have stuff to say. So let's say it and try listening.”

His parents looked at each other and said nothing. They had one of those silent conversations again. Josh wasn't about to let this drop though. If they were doing this, then they were doing it right.

“I'll start, even. Why did you hide the fact that my friends were trying to find me?” Josh continued. There was no reason to do this gently and that was the thing most eating away at him. His parents were still having that silent conversation. He was wondering if this was going to work.

“We wanted to protect you,” his father finally said, “We didn't know why they were trying to find you and we didn't want them to hurt you.”

'Like they did your sisters.' He didn't say that part out loud but Josh heard it.

“Besides,” his mother continued, “You were still in the hospital when a lot of them tried to contact you. We weren't sure you were ready to face them even if you wanted to. We just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Well, I don't like decisions being made for me,” Josh said trying to remain calm,, “I'm an adult. This is my life and I get to choose how I live it and who is in it. I've decided that I want them around.”

“Josh,” his father started slowly obviously trying to contain himself, “These people sent you to prison.”

“Well,” Josh answered thinking about all the horrible nights he spent in that place and how scared he had been. He thought about seeing a man killed in cold blood over a pack of cigarettes in the cafeteria, he thought about how some of the other guys told him he was a pretty looking boy and how comments like that made him thankful his emotional outbursts got him sent to solitary confinement. He thought about the time a guard beat him up on the basketball court because he hated rich entitled little shits like him and for no other reason. He thought about how he tried not to cry even though being there made his nightmares worse and his delusions more frequent. He thought about how cold and lonely it was and how he wouldn't wish it on anyone. He thought about all this and still he said with full confidence, “Maybe I deserved that. I did some messed up things to them.”

“Things you have yet to explain to us,” his father retorted and as upset as Josh was he had to admit his dad was making a fair point. It was going to be painful, it was going to sound crazy, and it was going to hurt both of their feelings a lot. But if Josh was going to make this work he had to trust his parents enough to be honest with them.

So for the first time ever Josh tried to explain his night of terror to Bob and Melinda Washington.

\---

They got around to eating dinner eventually though none of them really ate much. Most of the night consisted of admitting things he didn't want to admit and hearing things he didn't want to hear. There was some yelling, but it was mostly contained. They hit topics he didn't expect them to. The weirdest part of the whole night must have been when sitting at the dinner table not eating his father had asked in a sad, uncharacteristically small voice.

“Do you hate me so much that you'd rather live in that terrible run-down apartment than here?”

“No, dad,” Josh had started feeling bad that he had never told him why he moved out, “It's really not about you. It's about a lot of other stuff, but it isn't about you.”

“Then what is it about?” his father had asked almost seemingly like he might cry.

“Everything here makes me think of them,” Josh explained knowing his father knew exactly who he meant by 'them', “It's hard to live that way.”

“Trust me I know that,” his father agreed then sighed, “But Your mother and I. We've been thinking of moving soon.”

Josh felt bad that his very first thought was, 'Finally.' He felt even worse when he realized he had said it out loud. It was the pained looks on their faces that clued him in. he swallowed hard and looked away from them as they processed what he had said.

“But that's hard too Josh,” his mother added resting a hand on her husband's shoulder, “This has been our home for a very long time. All of you grew up here. We don't know what we'd even do with all of our stuff. Not to mention what we'd do with all the girls' things...”

His mother trailed off sadly. He thought of the boxes and boxes that were his sister's whole lives sitting untouched in the basement. He thought about cleaning out their rooms of everything but their beds and dressers and vanities still hopeful that they would come back some day and claim them. He thought about jewelry that would never be worn again and clothes that only collected dust and wrinkles from sitting so long without use. He thought about Jess. How she made herself feel better by helping others. It was painful, but he sighed out before he said, “Maybe it's time to get rid of it.”

“What?” his mother almost gasped and his father nearly glared at him.

“Not all of it,” Josh clarified and honestly hated the words coming out of his mouth, “But most of it.”

“I suppose it might finally be time,” his father responded looking at the table and his mother nodded. Josh was angry with them because he wanted them to protest against the terrible idea that had been his.

“My friend Jessica,” he continued despite this, “She does a lot of charity work. She knows a lot of people who could use it. We could give it to her. She'd make sure it went to good people.”

“Hannah and Beth would probably like that,” his mother agreed. Josh felt like telling her that Hannah and Beth couldn't like anything anymore, but he held his tongue and his tears. He would cry about it after he got back home.

“I guess we'll start looking for a smaller place then,” his father sighed out not seeming to like that idea very much, but also sounding like he knew it was inevitable. His mother hugged his father briefly and then they both turned their eyes to him. They looked pleading and sad.

“Honey,” his mother started, and then stopped to look at her husband. Bob sighed and picked up where she had left off. 

“If we move will you maybe consider coming home?” his father asked gently.

Josh shook his head, knowing he was breaking their hearts, “No, I need to take care of myself. I can't depend on you guys forever and I... I don't want to.”

His mother looked disappointed and his dad didn't seem to like that answer by the way he shuffled his food around on his plate, he seemed to accept it at first though. That was a new feeling and Josh liked it. Then after some silence his father shook his head and hit his hand on the table to catch his attention.

“If that's how you feel then fine, but at least let me help you find a better place in a nicer neighborhood. I have some good friends in real estate, and your mother and I will be shopping around for a new place anyway so it's barely any extra effort.” 

It was a compromise Josh could live with.


	15. Josh and Sam v. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gift of giving is the best of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter it might be clear where this is all heading, but I really didn't know when I started. I'm not sure if it lives up to its prequel story but I still like how this turned out. 
> 
> There will probably be a third installment as well because this was getting too long and away from the point.
> 
> Still no beta.

Josh couldn't remember the last time he had been invited out for Christmas and actually wanted to go. They guys at his job had invited him out to a party or two on Christmas but he always felt out of place showing up. It felt like a pity invite. It always felt like they didn't really want him there. So Josh saved them all the trouble and didn't show up.

This on the other hand was different. Apparently his old group of friends gathered together the day after Christmas every year at Jessica's apartment to exchange gifts and spend time together. Why Jessica’s place? Because it was always the most classy and elaborately decorated of them all. This year Josh had been invited. (He actually had been invited every year to Jessica's little party, but thanks to his parents he hadn't known that.) He was overly excited and he went way over his budget buying gifts for all his friends, even Mike. It was especially bad when Chris sent out a group text asking everyone to skip over presents for him and Ashley and get them something for the baby instead. 

Uncle Josh got their baby four gifts.

\---

Josh had literally gotten presents for everyone, wrapped and ready to give ahead of time. Except for Sam. He couldn't think of what to get for Sam. He had half a million ideas and none of them seemed good enough. It was weird. One thing Josh never struggled with was gifts. He was a great gift giver. He was confused by his lack of inspiration. He finished all his other gift wrapping when he heard knocking

He jogged over to answer it, though he guessed correctly that it was Chris. Chris was coming over to help him start packing his things because his dad found him a new place rather quickly and Josh would be moving out of his shithole in less than mouth. Before New Years. He wondered if he'd miss it.

“Hey, Cochise,” Josh said opening the door for Chris. It was nice how easy things were between the two of them. It made all the complicated stuff much more bearable.

“Hey, man,” Chris said striding in and shrugging off his coat.

“Have fun on your honeymoon?” Josh asked suggestively because it was the first time they'd seen each other since the day after the wedding. Chris rolled his eyes.

“I literally just walked through the door, Josh,” Chris complained in answer.

“What? That's a perfectly respectable question to ask someone,” Josh countered then added, “And you better answer, 'Yes, I absolutely devastated Ashley as is my duty being I am her new husband.'

“Yes, I absolutely devastated Ashley as is my duty being I am her new husband,” Chris repeated after him in a dull sarcastic voice.

“Good man,” Josh said clapping him on the shoulder, “Let's get packing.”

Josh would stop this if Chris didn't always smile and even sometimes laugh when he did it. Secretly he thought Chris found the whole thing as funny as he did. Chris sighed in a annoyed way as the two of them headed into Josh's living room to start putting together boxes. Josh wanted to get all the small things he never used packed first. That meant he was packing his kitchen.

“In all seriousness,” Josh continued as they sat down unfolding cardboard boxes, “Tell me how much you loved Sam's gift to Ash. It was my idea.”

“Dude,” Chris answered blushing a very bright red. His ears were a dark color Josh was sure he had never even seen before.

“That much, huh?” Josh asked. He laughed loudly elbowing him. He clapped his hands together. Chris groaned again and threw a completed box at him. Josh's laughter settled down as they continued and then Josh decided to do something he had frankly never done before. Ask for advice on gift giving.

“Speaking of gifts,” Josh spoke up clearing his throat, “Did you get your Christmas shopping done?”

“I got it done weeks ago,” Chris answered. Of course he did. Josh rolled his eyes and was happy Chris was too busy carrying boxes into the kitchen to see it.

“What did you get Ash?” Josh asked following with his own stack of boxes. Maybe he shouldn't be making that comparison. Ashley was Chris' wife, Sam was Josh's... friend?

“A first edition copy of Emma by Jane Austen,” Chris said too causally for Josh's taste.

“How much did that run you?” Josh asked. Even though that idea was not going to work for Sam. They set out the boxes and started taking things down from Josh's cabinets together.

“A little over three hundred,” Chris said again far too casually. Money had become something Josh couldn't throw around anymore. Hadn't this man just paid for a wedding and was expecting a baby?

“Chris, you know she married you already, right?” Josh asked playfully wondering how he could steer the conversation back to Sam, “You don't have to go through so much to try and impress her anymore.”

“Yeah, I know,” Chris countered, “But I'd like to stay married so I think I'll keep trying to impress her.”

“God, you are whipped,” Josh moaned as he started to pack away his appliances and Chris helped. He laughed a little because he should get rid of all this stuff since he never used it. Sam had helpfully pointed that out to him when she had spent the night. She never missed an opportunity to criticize his eating habits or be skeptical of his abilities. It was cute because she had more faith in him than anyone.

“Yeah, I'm the one who's whipped,” Chris muttered under his breath and there was an implication there that Josh thought about pursuing but chose not to. Instead focusing back on the original topic.

“You sure you and Ashley don't want anything from any of us for Christmas, man?” Josh asked as innocently as he could manage.

“We just got married,” Chris reminded him, “I'm still not sure what we're going to do with all the stuff people bought for us already. Besides we need a lot things for the... uh the... you know.”

“Baby?” Josh supplied, laughing at how awkward and giddy Chris got at the mention of the topic.

“Yeah, the baby.” From the look on his face it seemed like he had come around on the idea.

“Well then, my shopping's all done too,” Josh said wondering briefly if maybe he and Chris should be packing in a more orderly way then they were before shrugging it off and trying to add as off-handily as he could, “Oh except for Sam.”

“You haven't gotten Sam a gift yet?” Chris asked seeming surprised. That was expected Josh was great at getting people gifts. Emily would probably be furious if she found out Josh had chosen all of Mike's anniversary gifts to her. Josh had picked out the first birthday gift Chris ever gave to Ashley as well. She almost kissed Chris she was so happy with it.

“What did you get Sam?” Josh asked, even knowing it probably wouldn't help him much.

“Headbands you can wet and then wear to keep you cool on hot days,” Chris answered, “We ordered them from Arizona. Apparently they're really popular there right now and she goes on long hikes outside a lot so I figured it would be useful. I mean she already has a camel-back backpack.”

“How do you know that?” Josh asked.

“That's what we got her last Christmas,” Chris answered. That's why people didn't ask Chris for gift giving advice. Nine times out of ten he bought something practical and boring. He hoped Ash's creative side had helped out some with the gift they had got for him. With that in mind Josh's new range was something between a first edition novel or some lame practical thing like a camel-back backpack. That encompassed a lot of different things. The subtle approach didn't seem to be working here. He decided to be honest with his friend.

“Listen Chris,” Josh said noticing his cabinets were getting empty, “I'm totally blanking on what I should get for Sam. I'd like to get Sam something special, because she's done so much for me, and I want to thank her. But I don't want to get her something too special and send the wrong message.”

“You mean the message that you're hopelessly in love with her?” Chris asked teasingly.

“Will you let that go?” Josh groaned. Chris shook his head with a smirk.

“Nope, because I have five years of 'when are you gonna make a move on Ash.' to pay you back for.”

“Will you help me please, dumbass?” Josh complained meaning it in more ways than one as he retrieved his packing tape and sat on the floor with his now filled boxes. Chris sat down across from him and together they started to close and seal them.

“Just get her something that will mean something to her, but doesn't cost a lot of money or can't be construed as being romantic in anyway,” Chris said pulling out a sharpie Josh was pretty sure he brought himself to start writing 'Kitchen' on all the boxes, “Can you think of anything like that?”

He thought of one thing, but he wasn't sure it was his to give away. He also wasn't sure he wanted to give it away. Getting it back from the police had been very difficult for his mother and then getting it from his mother had been very difficult for him. But Sam might think it was considerate and sweet of him give it to her. She might also think it was creepy and weird.

What was life without a little risk though?

\---

Sam hadn't spoken to Mike about how she felt the day she got fitted for her bridesmaid dress.

She didn't feel up to it after what happened with Josh. She needed to tell Mike about that and of course it led to a fight. Then she had been consumed by the wedding. She was Ashley's maid of honor and it was her big day. It was Sam's job to make sure everything went well. After that she had finals coming up in school. Sam had a high GPA and a reputation to uphold as a star student. She couldn't let that get away from her. Once Christmas day had come and gone though, she felt like she had to admit to herself that maybe she had been avoiding it.

To be fair to herself it was a hard conversation to have. It isn't easy to say to someone that you like being with them and that you were happy, but thoughts about the future with them made you feel..? How did thoughts of a future with Mike make her feel exactly? Happy? Nervous? Excited? Terrified? She didn't think she really knew the answer to that. She had searched long and hard within herself until the answer came to her in the form of another much harder question: Did she love Mike?

She knew what love felt like. She had loved somebody once. It was a feeling she didn't like to revisit. She didn't know how to compare her current feelings to the ones she knew she had once had. Thinking about that time, about how it was to be in love, and really be in love, was something Sam had a hard time coping with. Because the girl Sam had loved turned into a monster and burned to death in a fire that she had created. Sam sometimes wondered if her ability to love had died along with Hannah.

\---

Sam and Mike arrived early to Jess and Emily's Christmas party, which the two of them had been throwing together before they were even a couple. Jess greeted them at the door wearing the cutest red Christmas dress and decoration themed earrings. She had sparkles on her face and a Santa hat perched on her head. She always went all out to dress up for occasions. She threw her arms around them both in a big loving hug and peppered both their cheeks with kisses.

“Merry Christmas,” she cheered when she released them. All of them were smiling.

“Merry Christmas, Jess,” Mike said placing a kiss on her forehead. Sam gave Jess another hug and then the three of them headed into the living room. Josh and Emily were both in there taking loudly about something as Josh placed presents under the very fancy looking fake tree in the corner of the room. Mike stiffened next to Sam, but loosened when she grabbed his hand in her own.

“We're not children, Josh.” They heard Emily say. She was setting out beautiful looking festive snacks.

“You have to put the presents under the tree, Em,” Josh told her, “It's not really Christmas if you don't.”

“We can just hand our gifts to each other you know,” Emily said as she finished and wandered towards the kitchen to fetch more stuff presumably.

“Oh, but Em,” Jess interjected, “The tree looks so cute with presents underneath. Besides Josh is our guest and we should be nice to him.”

“Fine,” Emily agreed disappearing into the kitchen. Sam and Mike set down their own bags and boxes of gifts and then Sam moved to give Josh a hug. Josh stood excitedly to return it.

“Merry Christmas,” Sam and Josh said together as they hugged. He squeezed her tightly and lifted her off the ground. She hoped Mike wasn't too upset by that. When Josh released her the two men reached around her and gave each others a polite, stiff handshake.

“Merry Christmas, Josh,” Mike said a little too overly friendly.

“Merry Christmas, Mike,” Josh said clearly not meaning it. Sam couldn't decide which was worse. Emily came back in as the buzzer for the door went off again. Jess went off to get it as Emily came forward to hug Mike and then Sam as best she could with an ice bucket with wine in her hands.

“Merry Christmas to you both,” she said as she set out the bucket and headed back towards the kitchen, “I guess we're putting presents under the tree this year if you want to start doing that.”

Sam and Mike looked nervously at each other and then at Josh who was back to kneeling by the tree. Sam got down next to him and said, “I got it Mike.”

Mike and Josh both gave her an appreciated look at that as Mike wandered after Emily to see if she needed help with anything. Matt's voice came from the door as he and Jess enthusiastically greeted each other. Josh reached over and helped Sam start to put the gifts under the tree together. They smiled at each other while they worked. Matt and Jess came into the room talking excitedly about something.

“This is a lot of gifts,” Josh said after awhile.

“Well yeah, they're my gifts and Mike's gifts,” Sam answered as they got near the bottom of the bags.

“Oh,” Josh said and from his tone she felt like he had taken something away from that statement that she hadn't been trying to imply. She couldn't figure out what though. She didn't give it too much more thought because Matt slid up next to her and reached down for a hug. She returned it as they both wished each other a 'Merry Christmas.' Then he hugged Josh as they said 'Merry Christmas' too.

Chris and Ashley showed up quite some time after that. Ashley apologized for their lateness by saying Chris drove even slower now that she was pregnant because he was paranoid. Chris defended that he was being careful not paranoid. Though he didn't let her carry any of their presents inside and insisted she sit down moments after they walked through the door. She rolled her eyes, but complied anyway. Josh hopped up to help Chris put their gifts under the tree and Jess nearly ran to take his spot next to Ashley on the couch.

“So,” Jess started full of energy, “Tell me how you're feeling. How far along are you? Have you felt the baby kick? Have you picked out the godparents, yet? Do you know what you're having?”

“We're pretty sure it's a girl,” Ashley said too overwhelmed to answer any of the other questions Jess fired at her rapidly.

“Doctor says it's too early to be completely sure, but that's what she thinks it's gonna be,” Chris added as he and Josh finished with the gifts.

“Uh oh,” Josh said mischievously to Chris, “Bet you're hoping she takes after her dad then, huh?”

“What?” Chris asked clearly confused.

“Got any names picked out?” Matt, forever a peace keeper, quickly added before Josh could elaborate on that. From the look on his face Sam assumed he had thought he had a good joke lined up too and he was disappointed he didn't get to share it. Sam smiled at that even though Chris and Ashley had gotten very quiet and were looking towards each other. They seemed to think long and hard on whether they should speak up before Chris sighed loudly turning towards Josh and not Matt.

“Actually, we were thinking if uh you were okay with it bro,” Chris was stumbling through his words, “That we would name her Hannah-Beth.”

Sam swore the entire temperature of room dropped in that moment. She felt every person in the room try and fail miserably to both look and not look at Josh. Sam didn't. She watched Josh looking straight into Chris' eyes. Her hand reached out to touch him, but he was too far away for her to reach. No one said anything and the Christmas music Jess had put on was the only sound for a long time.

“Beth would find that incredible sappy and stupid,” Josh finally said, “She'd hate you for it.”

“Yeah, she probably would,” Chris agreed with a nod. Ashley's fingers were bunching up her dress.

“Hannah would be honored.”

Emily's voice surprised everyone. Seven pairs of eyes snapped towards her. She seemed to be shocked herself that she had said it. Sam looked back to Josh first and he met her eyes. Emily was right. They both agreed on that at the same time. Josh clapped Chris on the shoulder to get his attention.

“I think it's a good idea,” he said quietly to Chris, “For a name. I'd like it if that's what you picked.”

“Alright, then,” Chris answered, “I think that's what we'll do. Thanks Josh.”

They both nodded for awhile and Josh turned around to smile at Ashley who was much calmer before he said to all of them, “We should do presents right? Since everybody is here?”

“Yes,” Emily agreed seeming like she just woke up from being asleep, “Yes we should. Why don't you and Chris start passing them around, Josh.”

The two guys started doing exactly that even though they had just put Chris and Ashley's gifts under the tree. Sam looked around at her friends as they grabbed the gifts handed to them. The ease started to fall back around the room. She must have seemed upset though because Mike put a strong arm around her before passing her one of her gifts. He gave her a gentle smile as he took his own gift from Chris. Sam looked over at Josh who was happily looking at his gift from Chris and Ashley. 

Even when the wrapping paper started tearing Sam still didn't feel any better.

\---

Sam was out on the deck when Matt found her. He held a cup of some kind out to her. She looked at it and then up at him. He gave her that friendly smile that seemed to be uniquely his. He had a cup just like the first one in his other hand. Both cups were steaming. Sam got the hint and took it from him. When she looked down at it she saw that it was hot chocolate. Matt sat down on the deck chair across from her.

“Thank you, Matt,” Sam said and he shrugged in response.

“Mike said you wanted to be alone for a minute,” he said blushing a little, “But you can't miss out on Jess' special once a year hot chocolate, right?”

“Right,” Sam agreed blowing on the beverage. Jess had taken up cooking and baking as a hobby. Her hot chocolate was a special recipe that she made every year for them all around Christmas. Matt was taking a sip from his own cup. He looked through the glass doors at their friends in Jess and Emily's apartment contently. Mike and Jess were dancing along to music that could only barely be heard from outside. They both loved to dance. Emily and Chris were arguing about something. They did that so much that everybody assumed they liked to do it at this point. Josh was on the couch with Ashley, both of them cooing over the gifts, plural, he had gotten for her baby. He fit in so well. He belonged here.

“I'm moving back to L.A. you know,” Matt said to her suddenly.

“Why?” Sam asked looking back to him. He was playing professional football, it was what he always wanted to do. Sure he wasn't in the NFL, but he was young he could still make it there. Why would he give that up?

“Same reason Emily did and the same reason Mike came back after school,” he answered, “You guys are the only people who understand me.”

Sam was quiet. Coping with the idea that monsters were real. With all the horror they faced. They had gotten through the worst of it together. Perhaps not in the most healthy ways, but they did. Matt drank, Emily broke down, Jess poured herself into work and exercise, Mike got more and more angry until he eventually blew up at his parents, and Chris and Ashley had clung desperately to one another. As for herself... well she didn't like to think about what it had done to her.

“Is that a smart thing to do though?” she asked. She sipped her hot chocolate and he sipped his for a while before he said anything else.

Matt looked at her knowingly, “Do you only do things if they seem smart?”

No, she didn't.

“I'm very lonely,” Matt admitted when she didn't answer.

“You're a good looking guy, Matt,” she told him even as she wondered if this would help him at all, “And you're sweet. You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be. You can't be afraid to let new people in because of what happened to us.” She sounded like one of her counselors. In fact she was sure that she had heard some of them say exactly that to her. It felt as stupid coming out of her mouth as it had sounded coming out of theirs.

“I've let people in Sam,” Matt stressed, “And I hope some day that I can be with somebody who will understand it as best they can. But right now that doesn't seem possible and it's not what I want. I want to be okay and I want to be near the only people in this world who make me feel that way.”

It was a weird thing to hear. Matt saying he was lonely, but still wanted to be alone. It made her question if they were doing the right thing by remaining in each others' lives. That maybe the best thing for them all would be to let go of each other and say goodbye. The thought alone made her ache. She tried to imagine a world where no one understood why she had nightmares or why she couldn't always stop her self from crying. This was the world Matt felt he lived in. It didn't seem so weird anymore.

“I'll leave you by yourself now,” Matt said as he stood, “I didn't mean to intrude into your space.”

“No,” she answered also standing up, “You didn't. In fact I don't think I want to be alone anymore.”

Matt smiled and held the door open for her as they headed back inside.

\---

Sam had been back inside for only a few minutes before she was caught by Josh, who asked her to come with him into the kitchen. She shot a smile to Mike, who was still laughing with Jess before she followed him. Emily and Chris were in deep discussion about whatever it was that mattered so much to them both. Matt had taken Josh's place next to Ashley. Nobody seemed to notice them leaving.

“Hey,” Josh said once they were in the kitchen, “Sorry I didn't give you a gift earlier. I didn't think it was appropriate to give this in front of everyone.”

“Oh okay,” Sam said not wanting to admit she had been so upset earlier that she hadn't noticed Josh didn't give her a Christmas gift. She smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Whatever it was he hadn't bothered to wrap it. He just handed it to her.

Sam's eyes widened because she knew what it was the second it was in her hand. She had seen it many times in her life. It was a silver bracelet almost identical to the one Josh still wore around his own wrist. There was one more like them lost forever in the wilderness. Hannah had barely ever taken hers off.

“This is Hannah's family bracelet,” Sam said her eyes filling up with tears.

“Yeah I know,” Josh said seeming nervous, “You don't... you don't have to wear it or anything. But me and my sisters, we got these bracelets so we'd always remember each other when we were apart. It just sits in my drawer and I have mine so I don't need it to remind me of them. I thought maybe you would like it. This way when you see it you can think about her and Beth and me even if we aren't there.”

She felt like it was a way of saying sorry to her. Sorry I left you. Sorry Hannah is gone. Sorry that this had to happen to you. Like he was saying 'I can't give any of that back to you, but I can try to make sure it doesn't ever happen again.' It was a thank you. A thank you for being there for me. Thank you for loving my sisters. Thank you for being in my life. Last of all it was a promise. I promise that she mattered to him. That he would think of her whenever he put on his bracelet. That he didn't plan on going away again.

“Thank you, Josh,” she said and she put it on. Having it on made her feel oddly complete. They hugged before he smiled and headed out into the living room because Jess was calling his name. Sam stayed there for some time and watched the light twinkle off her new jewelry. In all her happiness though there was one sad glaring thought that kept occurring to her.

Sam finally had her answer.


	16. Josh v. Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one door closes, another door opens or so they say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple Notes from last Chapter. I wanted Matt to be more than a plot device and give him some character so hence his talk with Sam. I did not come up with the name of Hannah-Beth for Chris and Ashley's baby I saw the idea posted by a few different people on Tumblr and liked it. The matching bracelets thing is real. Beth and Josh do actually have matching bracelets on in the game and Josh is still wearing his the very next year, as for Hannah's bracelet while she isn't wearing one in the game there is one hanging up on the Hannah and Beth remembrance board in Josh's back room. It is my own personal headcanon that this is Hannah's matching bracelet that she was not wearing the night the girls went missing.
> 
> Buckle up. This is the end. 
> 
> I do not suddenly have a beta-reader.

Josh did not miss his old apartment.

He really liked his new place too. His father got him a great deal on the lease. It was almost twice the size for only 200 dollars more. Best of all it was only a few blocks from where Chris and Ashley lived He could walk over to their place if he wanted to.

He was actually excited to show it off when his friends came to help him move in at the end of the year. He wished he would have had set up weeks ago so he could have a party for New Years. He wondered if he worked fast enough if he'd still be able to make that happen. It had been a long time since Josh threw a party. He missed the feeling. He finally had people he wanted to invite.

It was easy work because Josh didn't own that much stuff. The worst of it was his huge vintage record collection and his antique record player, which he almost had a panic attack as tiny Jess scooped it up and carried it up to his new apartment. She was strong though and handled it fine. She, Chris, Matt, and Sam all showed up to help him move in. Ashley was there too, but she didn't help them much. Mostly because Chris wouldn't let her.

Matt and Sam were lifting the futon up the stairs and Chris and Ashley were arguing by Chris' truck when Josh came back down to the parking lot. Chris and Josh were running back to his old place for the second half of his stuff while everybody else stayed here to set up furniture and start unpacking things. It sounded like Chris wasn't too keen on leaving Ashley there without him. Even as she assured him she was just going to start cleaning the bathroom for Josh and promised she'd leave all the heavy lifting to Jess and Sam. Josh also guaranteed Chris that Ashley was badass little lady that could handle herself. She smiled back at him and rolled her eyes before heading towards Josh's new apartment. It felt like Josh had friends again.

“Ready to head out?” Josh said walking towards the passenger side of Chris' truck.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed heading for the driver's side. He still looked worried. Josh was laughing at him as they climbed into the cab and buckled their seat belts.

“You are a little cute about all this you know that?” Josh said as Chris pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. Chris looked embarrassed, but he tried to brush it off.

“She's my wife,” Chris explained with a shy smile, “And the mother of my future child. I want her to be okay. Is that so wrong.”

“Man, you really are hopelessly in love with that girl. Have been since high school,” Josh laughed in a friendly way, “It's kinda pathetic.”

“Yeah, and how is your love life going?” Chris said maybe harsher than he meant to. Low blow, bro, “Not so great I'm guessing seeing as how you are obsessing over Sam?”

“What do you mean by that?” Josh asked feeling like Chris was implying something. Something that had been on his mind for awhile. Chris sighed heavily as they drove. His friend looked like he regretted saying anything. It was too late to take it back though.

“I saw you at my wedding, and I saw you at Christmas,” Chris warned glancing over at him briefly, “I've known you for fourteen years, dude. I know what it looks like when you are trying to... move in on somebody.”

“Yeah, and?” Josh said challengingly, crossing his arms in offense. What was Chris trying to say here?

“Josh, she's with Mike,” Chris said with some finality, “I don't think that's changing anytime soon. I get that you have feelings for her, but I don't think acting on them is the best idea.”

“So, what are you saying?” Josh asked defensively, “That you think she should be with your good old buddy Mike instead of me?”

“That's not what I said,” Chris tried to reason calmly, focusing on the road in front of him intensely.

“But it's what you meant,” Josh countered. He wanted Chris to deny it. He needed Chris to deny it.

“Look, I know you care about Sam, and I'm sorry that things didn't work out between the two of you when we were young,” Chris said gently, “But I uh I think you need to let it go. You need to move on.”

Chris hadn't denied it.

“What if I don't want to?” Josh asked angrily, “What if Sam doesn't want to?”

“I think if Sam wanted to be with you,” Chris said with a very heavy sigh and an even heavier shrug, “Then she would be with you.”

“What if it was Ashley, Chris? Would you let it go? Would you just move on?” Josh asked because he needed someone to be on his side here. Chris had to be on his side here. Someone had to understand. Chris was his best chance at that.

“That's... different,” Chris tried to explain looking guilty.

“Why?” Josh demanded. Chris couldn't betray him like this.

“Because you didn't have to see what she was like after you were gone,” Chris admitted. They had stopped at a red light and Chris slumped down in his seat. He looked suddenly old and tired. Josh saw all of it at once. Nights holding Ash while she cried and screamed through her nightmares. Listening to a drunken, beaten down Matt over the phone for hours as he went on and on about how he wasn't good enough and making sure he went to bed. Early morning talks over tea, coffee and bagels with Sam about Josh because no one else would ever understand their feelings towards him. When did Chris take care of himself? Did Chris ever take care of himself?

“She missed you. A lot. Probably more than I did,” Chris said as the light turned green and he started the truck forward, “She told me once that-” Chris stopped speaking and looked pained as if whatever information he was about to reveal wasn't his to give away. He tensed and then deflated.

“It took her a very long time to be okay,” Chris said seriously, “It took all of us pitching in to take care of her. Especially after Mike left too. I've never seen her so completely heartbroken. Not even after Hannah and Beth disappeared. She stopped going to school, and she didn't work. She only went out if we made her go out, Mike was best at getting her out of the house, we wouldn't hear anything from her for weeks at a time, sometimes Jess or Ash had to go over to her place to make her shower and get dressed because she hadn't done it in days. We found out that she wasn't really eating either. She went into the hospital for malnutrition. Sam! Of all people. It was hard. It was scary. She reminded us all so much of...”

'You.' She reminded them all of him.

“She's doing so well,” Chris pressed on and Josh's heart sank like a rock because his friend sounded so close to tears, “It's not that I don't want you to be happy. I just don't want any of my friends to be hurt like that again. Her or you.”

Josh didn't know what else to say so lamely, quietly he responded, “I love her, Chris.”

“I know you do,” Chris answered nodding.

“And I have to at least try,” Josh told him wondering if his best friend would think he was being selfish.

“Then I hope it works out for everybody,” Chris said with a tiny smile. He didn't seem to think it was.

It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he felt like he had been wrong. Chris was always going to be on his side. It just wasn't in the way Josh wanted him to be. That still made him feel better.

\---

When Josh and Chris got back to his new apartment with the remainder of his things Josh felt things were weightier. Chris was trying his best to move past what they had talked about, but Josh wasn't really up to giving him any help. He thought long and hard about if Chris was right or not. His head told him one thing and his heart told him another. He almost wished he could get another opinion on the matter, but he wasn't sure who he would ask. He thought about Jess or Matt but the former was unaware of his past relationship with Sam and the latter would probably say the same things as Chris.

Josh and Chris gathered up his boxes of records because he didn't trust anyone else to carry them and headed up to his new place. Sam was in the living room with Matt setting up Josh's large T.V., VHS player, DVD player, Blur-ray player and his speaker system. Josh loved movies more than anything else and he needed a good way to watch them all. This had been one of the only three items he took with him from his parents place. The others were the record player and his bed. Sam looked predictably confused messing with all the wires and plugs. Sam was talented in many area, mostly physical fitness, but technology had never quite been one of them. She looked so cute and sweet as she chewed on her hair, (which she probably didn't know she was doing). It got worse when Jess pulled Matt to help her get the Josh's table and chairs set up in his kitchen. Chris stacked his box on top of Josh's because he didn't have much further to go. He gave Josh a look that the older man couldn't fully read, but assumed it was one of warning as he went over to assist Sam. Josh continued into his new bedroom to put his records with his player, trying to remember Chris just wanted what was best for everyone. Ashley was in there packing away his extra bedding in his closet. She had made his bed for him too. She turned and smiled at him as he put down his boxes.

“Chris can be over-protective sometimes,” she said. He was shocked for a second until he realized she was probably talking about herself and the baby, not what the two of them had discussed on the ride. Josh nodded at her as she moved to sit on his bed letting out breath as she did. He wondered if she was more weary than she was letting on. She gave him that big toothy grin she seldom gave anyone.

“He means well,” she continued looking right at him. Maybe she was talking about him. It occurred to Josh that Ashley was Chris' wife as well as his other best friend and most likely knew as much about the situation as he did.

“How do you...” he started asking and then stopped sitting down with her.

“I was your friend too,” she said with a shrug, “I remember how you are whenever you and Chris fight about something. It so rarely happens. And you always get the same look on your face.”

“Did he tell you about Sam then?” Josh asked leaning back and wondering what it was with him and Ashley having talks on beds together. 

“He mentioned it,” Ash confirmed leaning back as well. Josh looked her up and down. He could only barely tell that she was pregnant. If he didn't know better he'd think she just gained weight.

“And you agree with him? He is always right.” Ashley looked thoughtful. She seemed to be rolling her opinion around in her mind a bit before she answered.

“No,” she decided, “I think this one time he might actually be wrong.”

Josh stared at her. She was smiling at him and she looked oddly maternal, which he assumed must be a by-product of her current condition. This was so very nice. He cared deeply about Sam and the tension between the two of them and Mike might cause strain on everyone. But his feelings for her hadn't changed. He had lived with them for this long so he figured it couldn't really get much worse for him. Ashley understood that. She almost never did what anyone expected her to do including agree with her husband apparently. Even though Josh thought they both knew Chris had a strong point. He and Ashley saw the world a little bit differently. Enough that she could see Josh's point too.

“You're going to be a great mom, Ash,” Josh said reaching out to hug her, “I just know it.”

\---

Sam didn't want to do it.

It felt cruel and mean. It felt heartless and it felt unfair. It was going to hurt him. She really didn't want to hurt him. But looking at the bracelet she wore around her wrist she knew in her heart that it was the right thing to do. It would be easier though if she wanted to do it as well.

She had a key to Mike's place so she let herself in. He knew she was coming over because she had to discuss something important with him. Wolfie greeted her at the door. He was always happy to see her. She patted his head as she made her way into the apartment. Mike was sitting in his living room with a soccer game playing on the T.V. in the background. He made no move to get up and greet her at the door which he always did. He looked upset already. He was dreading this as much as she was. 

“Hey,” she said sitting down next to him. He turned to her and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. 

“Hey,” he answered smiling only slightly. He was so sweet and so handsome.

“Josh all moved in?” he asked with a bit of harshness to his voice after they sat awhile in awkward silence together. She winced at his words but she couldn't blame him. Through all this Mike's feelings had been completely understandable.

“For the most part, yeah,” she answered, “it's a really nice place. It's right around Chris and Ashley's neighborhood too so he won't get lonely.”

“Good for him.” Then they fell back into silence again. Sam sighed feeling tears sting the corners of her eyes. She and Mike weren't good at this. They never talked around their feelings. Through their whole relationship one thing had always been clear, they were honest with each other about their feelings no matter what. There was no avoiding this.

“We need to talk,” she said and he nodded. He sighed, leaned back and shut the T.V. off.

“I'm listening,” he said but he looked like he didn't want to have this conversation at all. Her heart hurt just looking at his face. He had been so good to her. Why did she have to do this to him?

“Mike, you are one of my closest friends,” she said, feeling for all it's truth it sounded like a weak lie, “I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. I don't know if I would have survived.”

“But,” Mike added because he wasn't stupid. He wasn't looking at her. He seemed to not be looking at anything at all.

“I'm happy with you,” she assured him, “But I'm confused. I'm too confused to stay in this relationship because the truth is... I'm not sure if I love you or not.”

There. She had said it. He looked hurt and that was expected. She felt hurt and that was less expected. He was looking around and he looked the way he always did when he was trying not to cry. He laughed a little like he found something about all of this funny. Finally he responded.

“I figured you were going to say something like that.”

“You care so much about me,” Sam tried to explain, “I'm just not comfortable committing myself to you unless I know I feel the same way. It's not fair to either of us. It's really not fair to you. You deserve to have all of someone and not just part of them.”

“Is it because of...” He couldn't say the name, but they both knew who he meant. She debated whether sparing his feelings or telling the truth was more important in this situation. She decided if she was going to do this, then she was going to do it the right way.

“I can't say he hasn't affected this at all,” she admitted, “But it isn't about him. It's about me and what I need to do for myself. And I need to figure things out.”

“I care so much about you, Sam,” he said in a half-strangled way that broke her heart.

“I know you do,” she said gently, “I care about you too.”

It didn't change anything. She almost wished that it had. She had wondered if Mike would beg her to stay with him. He had tried to win Jess back for a full month before moving on from her. If he was going to do it then this was the time to do it. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to or not, but she would let him if he did. It was his right to do it. After everything they had been through he deserved at least that much from her.

To her surprise Mike simply said, “So, I guess we're broken up.”

“Mike...” she started and trailed off. He reached out and grabbed her hand.

“I'm not going to fight you on this,” he said stroking her hand, “I know from experience that it won't do me any good. But you're important to me. You're my best friend. I need time to be okay, but that won't ever change. I've told you before that I don't want to lose you and I meant that. I want you in my life. You understand?”

That did almost change her mind, and she was crying when she answered, “Yes, I feel the same way.”

“Okay,” he said nodding, “Go, you figure this out. If you change your mind then you know where I am. I won't wait forever, but I will wait. At least for a little while.”

Sam was right all along, she never deserved Mike.

“I should go,” she said standing up and heading back towards the door. She handed Mike her set of keys as she moved to leave. He took them and dropped them on the coffee table. They looked lonely sitting there on the messy coffee table. She had never had such a short visit to his place before. It was awkward and sad and perfectly encapsulated how she felt about this entire thing. She had made it to the door when Mike spoke up one final time.

“Are you going to be seeing other people then?” he asked. She looked back. He seemed pained but the curiosity had gotten the better of him. They both knew what he was really asking her. He was asking if she planned on seeing Josh now that they weren't together. She couldn't look at him at first, but forced herself to look him right in the eye before she answered.

“I don't know yet, but I might try that, yeah.”

“Alright then,” he said and his face was hard to read, “I'll call you when I'm ready to talk again.”

“Thanks Mike, for everything.” He smiled warmly at her, though his eyes looked stoney. With that she headed out the door. Wolfie whined loudly as she left.

\---

Sam thought she should wait at least a day. She had fully planned to do that. Out of respect for Mike. Out of respect for Hannah. Out of respect for Josh even. Out of respect for the complicated feelings she still had for all three of them.

Though that's not what ended up happening. She drove straight to Josh's place after she finished talking with Mike. She texted her moms that she might be out late that night and headed there immediately. She sat in his parking lot for a long while crying. She wondered the entire time if she did the right thing or not. It took her over an hour to finally get up the courage to knock on his door.

“I'm coming,” he shouted and she heard him maneuvering his way around his still packed-up boxes. He pulled the door open hard when he got there and looked delighted if surprised to see her standing there, “Hey, Sammy.”

“I broke up with Mike,” she announced before she said anything else and was mortified that she had. She didn't want to blurt it out like that, but she couldn't think of what else there was to say when she saw him. His oh-so-unique green eyes looked shocked for a few seconds then his briefly shifted over to delighted before settling on concern.

“Oh sorry,” he said trying to keep the smile off his face, “Are you okay?”

“I've been better,” she confessed knowing her eyes were still red and puffy from crying. She sniffed in case her nose was also running as well.

“Do you need anything?” he pressed stepping aside as an invitation for her to come in. She nodded in both appreciation and answer then walked passed him into his new place. It was much nicer than the old one and she was happy he had moved here.

“Well, I was hoping we could maybe go get some tea and talk about stuff together,” she answered.

“Give me fifteen minutes to finish up what I was doing and get ready,” he said and then dashed off into the kitchen. She went to take a seat at his kitchen table as she watched him haphazardly shoving the rest of his appliances away in the cabinets. She snorted out a laugh.

Sam wasn't sure exactly where all this might be heading, but she could admit she was happy wherever it was it definitely included Josh Washington.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes Josh and Sam do not technically end up together in this story. But I warned y'all that this was not a story about Sam/Josh but about Sam and Josh. It has a purposeful open-ended ending.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read even a small part of this. It was fun to write and it was fun to see people enjoy it.
> 
> Feedback always welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> Things are subject to change in this, but I will make one thing very clear. If you do not like Chris and Ashley either together or as characters don't read this because they play a huge part in this story. Both separately and as a couple. You have been forewarned.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this! Feedback always welcome!


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